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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27818239">The Christmas Calamity</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Christi_Bee/pseuds/Christi_Bee'>Christi_Bee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>EGC [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Eddsworld - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AU Timeline, Action/Adventure, But it’s three idiot adults instead of kids so don’t worry you’ll feel it too, Canon Divergence, Coming of Age, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Future Fic, Gen, Horror Elements, Hurt/Comfort, No Romance, Now this is Refound family!, See told you i would, You heard of blood family, i swear i'll add more characters as we go don't you worry, note that I said events. I swear i could explain it all now but it's just spoilers for the future, refound family, this takes place in an AU where The End's events never happened, you heard of found family</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:01:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>38,667</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27818239</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Christi_Bee/pseuds/Christi_Bee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Christmas Eve, 2004. Edd, Tom and Tord took on the task of saving Christmas. Over those years, they, alongside Matt, did it again and again.</p><p>But it isn't 2004 any more.</p><p>Christmas Eve, 2103. Three siblings: Jaxx and twins Ell and Ed Gold are at odds with each other in the midst of family, holiday and nationwide problems. Namely: dealing with close relatives (and each other), arguing over Christmas and the country-wide threat of a serial killer. In that order.</p><p>But when trouble calls their names and everything collides, they've only got one night to set aside their problems and pull off what their ancestors did nearly a century ago. They'll meet an old friend, fight a new foe and (hopefully) sort their personal shit out.</p><p>For these descendants of the original four, history may repeat, but it doesn't repeat itself perfectly.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>No Romantic Relationship(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>EGC [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2078829</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. JAXX</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Puff… Puff… </em>
</p><p>Bloody hell. Tonight was <em>cold.</em></p><p>Jaxx Gold kept the thought to himself while he and his siblings trudged through the snowy, unshoveled pathways of the evening. Well, it was five in the afternoon when they left home, but everything was so damn <em>dark </em>during London’s winter, not counting the stray lamplights or glimpses of a waning half-moon shining on the snow.</p><p>He kicked a pile of the fresh powder, sending a dirty look at the remains. He missed the ice-melting heatwaves of summer. He wished his dorm roommate Oli was here - he’d make life easier to bear with his wild jokes and crazy ideas. Instead Jaxx had to come and see his stupid family with his stupid parents and damn siblings.</p><p>“Why couldn’t we have stayed in uni for this break?” he grumbled, “At least we’d have peace and quiet to ourselves with a chance to rest.”</p><p>“Peace and quiet? Rest? At uni?” his younger brother Ed scoffed, unfazed from Jaxx’s death-glare, “Listen Oxford, Cambridge doesn’t do that when it comes to Christmas time. Especially when everyone shows up from the pub at nearly three in the morning, drunk off their heads. Besides, in the day, there’s not really much to do apart from sleeping or pet projects or whatnot. And we finish those quickly.”</p><p>“He’s got a point, Jaxx,” Ed’s twin sister shrugged, “Plus it gets a little lonely at Cambridge.”</p><p>“What about your friends, Ell?”</p><p>“Either all off to the pub, sleeping or too fucking drunk for interaction,” she huffed.</p><p>“Can confirm,” said Ed, “Though if we’re all here together, just the three of us, I don’t see why we can’t make time to… Well, you know…”</p><p>“To what?”</p><p>“Do a jam session, Oxford! Something rough and not-so-clean, just play some music, improvise a song or whatnot and maybe release an EP?”</p><p>“When the fuck have we had time to do anything for Calamity?”</p><p>“Ed,” Ell smiled sympathetically, “I know you’ve had your heart set on keeping the band afloat for a while - I have too, but Jaxx’s right, when the hell have we had the time? Maybe next time.”</p><p>“You two <em>always </em>say ‘next time’, but you never bloody <em>do </em>anything about it! It’s been like that since we graduated high school! I don’t care if it’s for like, half an hour or fifteen minutes where we mess around and record the session, with little to no mixing or editing, keep all our mistakes and toss it on an album or EP or hell, even a single would be enough! It doesn’t matter to me if it’s received bad or good or whatever, I just… I need to get stuff out of me and playing solo isn’t where it’s bloody well at!”</p><p>Jaxx flinched at his brother’s words, but… Fuck, he had a point. Even Ell looked guilty.</p><p>“Ed,” she tried, “Seriously, next--”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“What? Ed, you’re coming on too strong--”</p><p>“I know. But I said no. No empty promises or excuses. I’m just as sick and tired of them as you are and I know we’ve put up with them for a lot longer than we’d like, but coming back to Calamity? I don’t have any more patience for it. Don’t say ‘next time’ until you bloody well mean it.”</p><p>
  <em>Ouch. </em>
</p><p>Jaxx could practically see the steam huffing out his brother’s nostrils. It genuinely unnerved him to see Ed so angry - god, he wished he were as funny as Oli. If he could joke around like how he did to get Jaxx laugh, then maybe he’d help Ed. </p><p>Maybe it wouldn’t be good to let all of this settle down… Even Jaxx himself started to get angry at the thought of not being able to have a jam session. </p><p>“Alright,” Jaxx sighed after a moment of silence, “uni life’s boring as balls out of class days and we don’t know what to do with the band, But y’know what? At least our degrees saved our asses and have guaranteed jobs we want after we’re done with it. Not to mention, we can actually plan our own goddamn vacations and lives.”</p><p>The twins hummed in agreement.</p><p>“You doing the advanced atoms stuff and us taking on advanced robotics and engineering <em>on top </em>of our extra blacksmithing... Wow, life <em>is </em>gonna be pretty stable once we graduate,” Ed nodded, “But… I can’t help thinking of Cora and Laurie - even Emily, though she’s Cor’s friend. You know how keen dad is about… You know.”</p><p>Jaxx could’ve heard a pin hit the snow in the silence.</p><p>“Fuck,” he breathed, shaking his head at the thought, “If they stay in that job for who knows how long, then they’ll--”</p><p>“Jaxx,” Ell butted in, worried, “Please, don’t.”</p><p>The three siblings looked away to the footprints they were making.</p><p>“We got it <em>real </em>good to get out of dad’s business before the end of school,” Ell sighed, “Wasn’t easy at all, but it was a fight worth the freedom - down to the last moment. Especially you, Ed. Not meaning to put a damper on how you got that scholarship at the last minute.”</p><p>“Wasn’t thinking about it.” Ed shook his head.</p><p>“Well?”</p><p>“...I was thinking about the Christmastime Killer again.” </p><p>“Oh fuck,” Jaxx groaned, “That bastard literally sounds like someone from the damn animatronics game series Charlie and Will introduced me to.”</p><p>“Wait, didn’t you have nightmares from checking the series out?”</p><p>“Fucking leave it Ed.” Jaxx hissed, “You were saying?”</p><p>“Right. I was thinking about it since I remembered the eyewitness reports and they wouldn’t leave no matter how much I tried to think about something else.”</p><p>Jaxx shook his head at his brother’s words. It was stupid, and he was well aware of it, but...</p><p>“I don’t blame you for thinking about it.” He admitted, “Almost the entire country - London especially - has been jumpy over this asshole since the sixth. Weird shit happened during those monster-mash parades and y’know, I wouldn’t be surprised if those cultist reports were true. But fuck, we don’t even know if the killer even <em>is </em>a killer.”</p><p>“Tell that to the witnesses who had repeat visits and got confirmation of their deaths.”</p><p>
  <em>…Fuck. </em>
</p><p>“It’s weird that <em>all </em>the kids of those victims are the main sources of witnesses. Weirder they lived to tell the tale,” said Ell, “Weirder still <em>how </em>they survived being captured. I mean, yeah, hiding is an obvious choice but <em>on top of a fridge? </em>Where would you even get such ideas?”</p><p>“I think the scarier stories were the rare ones where the kids mention their parent or guardian moaning in a really freaky way during the Killer’s visit.” said Jaxx, “And not in the way you’re thinking, apparently they sounded more like they were… Ghosts, or something. And then, that parent or guardian is just gone for good after.”</p><p>“Well, I’m glad those stories are the more rare ones,” Ed shuddered, “Jaxx, you hear about the one kid who let loose a bunch of those pyramid dice all over the floor? They’re called d4s, right?”</p><p>“Oh yeah,” he scoffed to hide a laugh, “kid’s got respect from me. Surprised it worked when you apparently have the reports of hooves clicking instead of footprints. Bet the pain was a full set of d6’s worth of damage.”</p><p>“But the kid said he used d4s!”</p><p>“I know Ed, but d6s are usually what’s used to roll damage in a campaign. At least, it’s the case from most of my players.”</p><p>“Oh, right. Well, I mentioned the report because I just thought you’d like hearing it.”</p><p>Not that he’d admit it. </p><p>“If I were the kid who used a set of d4s on this guy’s arse,” Jaxx found himself smirking, “Ell would be the one armed with a pistol of holy water.”</p><p>“Oh for god sakes Jaxx, I am not! I’m the one who rigged a tripwire or something before smacking his head with a tool hammer!”</p><p>“No, I would’ve rigged the tripwire, you’d be going in with <em>two </em>hammers.”</p><p>“Oh fuck yeah Ed!” </p><p><em>Good for them, </em>Jaxx grumbled as they shared a high-five. </p><p>“Cora would probably be the one who locked up every entry point in advance,” Ed went on.</p><p>Wait.</p><p>“Ed,” Jaxx tried, “don’t you think it’s--”</p><p>“Laurie could make a hologram maze,”</p><p>“Ed--”</p><p>“And Emily could be the one with the holy water pistol!”</p><p>“Ed for <em>fuck </em>sakes!”</p><p>“Oxford, what the hell is it now?”</p><p>Jaxx clenched his teeth behind closed lips. Goddamn, why was Ed so oblivious?! They were lucky Ell was in between both of them. She elbowed her twin. </p><p>“Too far.” She shook her head.</p><p>“Shit. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“It’s… Fine.” Jaxx swallowed his anger, “I know you tried, but… Yeah, too far.”</p><p>“…I get worried about Cor, Laur and even Em, but Jaxx, I thought you didn’t like dad.”</p><p>“…What?”</p><p>“I said I thought you didn’t like dad.”</p><p>“None of us do, Ed.”</p><p>“So why are you concerned about him?”</p><p>“I’m not, actually,” he hissed, “After what he locked us in for most of our teenage years, I’m sure none of us would mind seeing him disappear. Especially since he’s got Cor and Laur stuck in it too.”</p><p>“True.” Ell shrugged. Ed said nothing. He was oblivious a lot of the time, sure, but this… He knew. They all knew what godforsaken job their dad got their sisters (and maybe their best friend) stuck in.</p><p>Delivering specialised drinks to the whole country wasn’t exactly fun and games when they learned the drink they sent out was banned seventy-three years ago. Nobody else could do the work unless they were a Gold (save for one and only one employee) - which was why most of their cousins with that surname had fled the UK or lived overseas. And why (most of) their bastard cop relatives wouldn’t leave them alone.</p><p>What was worse, their sisters had no idea of the truth behind the job. Worse still, neither Jaxx nor the twins could come up with <em>any </em>idea or plan to tell them the truth, let alone break them out. Not to say they hadn’t tried, but…  </p><p>“I’m not concerned about dad,” Jaxx tried again, “But I am kinda concerned for the rest of our family.”</p><p>“The extended or direct?” Ed wondered.</p><p>“Both. Cora and Laurie are for obvious reasons, and I know we don’t like the extended part much, being mostly made up of bastard cops for uncles--”</p><p>“First cousins once removed?”</p><p>“We know Ed. Same difference.” Jaxx shook his head, “But the Richwells are about to have their baby in less than a few weeks. They’re in no state to fight off a serial killer. I know Will and Charlie are pretty gutsy for seven-year-olds and could handle that guy, but I’m not sure about Annabel, and she’s the eldest.”</p><p>“Isn’t Anna nine years old?”</p><p>“That’s the fucking point Ed!”</p><p>“Derek and Andrea have the advantage of being adopted and could be okay with Matthew and Sophia Hartgrace as their parents,” Ell kept going, “But Mattie and Macie wouldn’t be unless they teamed up with their adopted siblings.”</p><p>“Do we have to keep mentioning it, Ell?”</p><p>“Some in-jokes never die, Ed. Some in-jokes never die.”</p><p>“Still. About the Lawsons, maybe they have a better chance,” Ed tapped his chin, “But knowing the killer at least <em>tried </em>to kidnap kids before…  why the hell are we talking about the Richwells, Hartgraces and Lawsons? Haven’t they been safe this entire time?”</p><p>“Well, yeah,” Jaxx nodded, “but--”</p><p>“Why would <em>we </em>be worried for them?”</p><p>“Because,” Jaxx stopped walking for a moment, “First of all, their kids are younger than us. They’re gonna have a lot more problems if they lose their parents. Second, shit <em>always </em>fucks up at Christmas time, and nobody is fucking ready for it. The Richwells aren’t immune to it, the Hartgraces aren’t immune to it, the Lawsons aren’t immune to it - fuck, even us Golds aren’t immune, and it’s <em>worse </em>because we’re equally Golds <em>and </em>all the other three families in one set of siblings. </p><p>“<em> Nobody </em>is fucking immune to Christmastime bullshit. We’ve got plenty of family stories of shit happening to our ancestors because they weren’t immune to it. And when shit hits the fan, I don’t know we’d have it in us to… Fuck, I dunno, save it or whatever. We’re not <em>them </em>. Doesn’t matter if it’s a killer after parents or Cora and Laurie getting more hours for--”</p><p>“Jaxx please!” Ed snapped, holding his head before pocketing his hand again, “I get it. You don’t need to go on.”</p><p>Ell shook her head before grabbing both their shoulders and gently pushing them to keep walking.</p><p>Jaxx tried with little avail to suppress his guilt - even glancing at his younger brother, he could tell he’d just gotten him riled up inside.</p><p>Fuck, maybe he really <em>should </em>watch his words… </p><p>“I wish…” </p><p>“What’re you wishing for, Ed?” Ell asked.</p><p>“I just wish Cor and Laur would have a means of getting their way out of the business. If they don’t, Cora’s full-time hours would be solid and Laurie would be next… And then Emily too if she doesn’t stop letting herself into our family matters…”</p><p>“You really are the most optimistic of us old chickens, Ed,” Jaxx laughed bitterly, “It would take a bloody miracle for Cora to get Laurie and even Emily out of that hell - even if they don’t realise it. But this isn’t a world where Christmas miracles can come out of fucking goddamn nowhere.”</p><p>“Tell that to the guy on Thirty-Fourth street.”</p><p>“It’s just a movie, Ed. He’s also probably bloody well dead by now. The remakes don’t count.”</p><p>“It could still happen! Besides, it’s Christmas! A lot of good’s supposed to happen around this time anyway!”</p><p>“Yeah, supposed to.” Jaxx scoffed, stink-eyeing Ed again. “Name three good things which happen around this fucking time. <em>Especially </em>with a fucking killer on the loose.”</p><p>“Well, kids get gifts they’ve wanted, charity organisations get popular enough to do more good than usual and there’s a lot of food to eat! It’s all in one month, Oxford, what’s the matter with it?”</p><p>“Because there’s <em>fucking nothing </em>for <em>us, </em>a bunch of university assholes who’ve just barely escaped a horrible life and are supposed to put up with a safe, boring-arse one!”</p><p>“Jaxx…” Ell warned.</p><p>“I hate it! I just <em>fucking </em>hate it all! I hate Christmas!” Jaxx fumed, not listening to his sister.</p><p>“You can’t be bloody serious! You can’t be really hating on Christmas like this!”</p><p>“Ed, don’t press on--”</p><p>“I hate what it’s become! Nothing but a reminder of how dumb it is to adults like us: we have no actual friends, a family life we’d rather stay the fuck away from and no immunity to the fuckery which comes every damn year with this-- this holly-jolly <em>bullshit! </em>There’s no magic, no joy, nothing we once had as kids! There’s no substance to it any more, Ed! Abso-fucking-lutely nothing!”</p><p>“You haven’t searched for it, asshat!”</p><p>“Guys.”</p><p>“I’ve fucking<em> searched </em>Ed, and there is <em>nothing </em>in--”</p><p>“Guys--”</p><p>“Ever thought of looking closer, you daft son of a--”</p><p>“WILL YOU GUYS SHUT THE FUCK UP!”</p><p>Jaxx didn’t expect her voice to echo.</p><p>“We came out here,” Ell folded her arms, “To have a walk and some fresh air, not to lose our fucking lungs.”</p><p>He couldn’t look his sister in the eye - and it wasn’t that his glasses fogged up <em>again </em>. Sure, he was the older one over the twins by a year, and taller by a half-inch without his boots and long spiked hair… But she <em>commanded </em>authority, respect and leadership better than he did. To Jaxx, Ell was honestly a better parent to him and their other siblings than their own dad. She kept their shit together. </p><p>No wonder her high school yearbook had her as ‘Most Headstrong’. </p><p>“Look,” she sighed, a cloud of steam going up, “I’m with both of you on this one. Christmas has gone to shit for us, sure, but I think there’s always the chance for it to redeem itself. It’s not too late, we’re still alive to see if it could get better. So let’s just keep going and leave this conversation behind.”</p><p>Jaxx wished the twins were right as they pushed their way onward through the snow.</p><p>Well, the soft moonlight shining down on the forest did make everything look picturesque - like something from those eighteenth-century Christmas cards he saw in the museum. Too bad the old abandoned building in the distance ruined the view.</p><p>Wait.</p><p>“What the fuck is <em>that </em>over there?”</p><hr/><p>The near-black building was only a few storeys tall, though Jaxx wondered if it would stay that way for any longer by the state of it.</p><p>Boarded up and broken windows (with glass shards still probably buried), parts of the outside crumbling away, and what was once a probably gleaming lit sign on the top now had most of its letters missing, the remaining ones now permanently dimmed or having fallen and decayed under the snow.</p><p>“E… S… Wo… L?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Trying to read the sign, Ell,” he folded his arms, “Can’t make it out for the life of me. Say, anybody up for heading inside this thing?”</p><p>The twins stared at him as if he was off his rocker.</p><p>“What? Looking inside here would be something much more interesting to do than just a simple walk, talking about a serial killer or arguing about how shitty Christmas is!”</p><p>Ell rested her hands on her hips, glaring at him.</p><p>“Look, we all had an early family dinner, right?” Jaxx tried to make his case, “Very filling and all that. It’s still early in the evening. We only just need to be back home by curfew.”</p><p>“Which is… Midnight tonight,” Ed rested a finger on his chin.</p><p>“Ed-sactly!”</p><p>“I’m going to murder you, Oxford.”</p><p>“We got plenty of time to snoop in here and be back home well before it’s lights out for everybody.”</p><p>“Well,” Ell shrugged, “As long as we don’t hurt ourselves, die, or worse: get spotted by somebody - I’m in.”</p><p>“I’m with Ell on this one.”</p><p>“You always are, Ed.”</p><p>“Shut up Oxford.”</p><p>“Ladies first?”</p><p>As the three of them clambered through a broken window, Jaxx wondered.</p><p>Could this be a mistake?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. ELL</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Ell finds a new... Friend! Yeah, friend... Sure...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She should’ve just said no in the first place.</p>
<p>Every room she walked through made her think twice about the decisions she’d made before climbing through the window. Ell wasn’t worried at first, but everything since then had started to creep her out. </p>
<p>For a start, this abandoned building didn’t feel… Well, abandoned. In general, the interior looked <em>shocking </em>; Aunt Tilda’s and Uncle Matthew’s fashion senses didn’t have to say anything. If they could’ve been here with her. </p>
<p>Sure, people must’ve snuck in before, but surely they couldn’t have broken the office chairs, overturned and splintered the desks, shredded and stained old script papers… Well, they could’ve, but never in <em>organized</em> patterns of chaos. </p>
<p>On top of that, she was <em>sure </em>the brown and red splatter stains on the walls and floor weren’t <em>dreadful </em>in the way Aunt Tilda would’ve said it. They were of varied lengths and shapes, most of them abstract. </p>
<p>But then there were the ones which looked <em>far </em>too detailed, with what looked like a zodiac circle of symbols and strange markings in the centre. Sometimes there were even shreds of cloth and partially melted candles knocked onto the floor… </p>
<p>“Bloody knew it was a bad idea,” she muttered under her breath, “ <em>Bloody knew it </em>. If I just stayed together with Jaxx and Ed, if I just stayed f--”</p>
<p>
  <em>Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhinnnnk…</em>
</p>
<p>“--ffffirm?”</p>
<p>
  <em>What. The Hell. Was that?!</em>
</p>
<p>It took almost all her will to stand still and cover her phone’s light as the noise came past again, but this time, the noise sounded different.</p>
<p>
  <em>Arrrrgh…</em>
</p>
<p>Okay, it was fainter. Maybe from a room away now. Maybe she could get out and warn her brothers before it was too late.</p>
<p>But the first steps she took was <em>towards </em>the growling.</p>
<hr/>
<p>“What the <em>fuck. </em>Am I <em>doing? </em>” she whispered to herself, gently stepping closer to the origin of the sound, tiptoe by tiptoe. </p>
<p>God, she was grateful she hid the light and turned it off when the noise came past, but now she was doing <em>this. </em>At the rate she was going, Ell could’ve just saved herself the time and yelled out, ‘look at me! I’m ready to be cooked and eaten alive!!’ </p>
<p>Man, wasn’t she getting a lot of bad ideas tonight. Thanks in part to Jaxx with the first. </p>
<p>Peeking just around the edge of a doorframe, and with the faint moonlight illuminating the scene from the fractured windows, Ell could manage to make out a hunched figure standing amongst what looked like <em>bones </em>scattered about on the floor. They seemed to be wearing a long cloak - tattered and holey, with a hood falling to pieces thanks to…</p>
<p>Good God, were those <em>horns </em>on their head?</p>
<p>Holy shit. Just like the witness reports.</p>
<p>Yeaaah, based on the growling noises and mumbling along with those, if the figure was who she thought it was, they <em>definitely </em>weren’t human. </p>
<p>An alien, perhaps? No, just in family stories. She was sure they didn’t exist. </p>
<p>A zombie? No… It was <em>mumbling </em>. An undead infective corpse couldn’t do it if the brain was damaged.</p>
<p>A monster? Generic-sounding. And yet… </p>
<p>
  <em>ZZZZZ!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Shit!”</em>
</p>
<p>Silently cursing whoever the hell had sent her a text at the worst moment, Ell darted back from the doorframe and started to slowly move away… Maybe if the creature was deaf--?</p>
<p>
  <em>SHHHHHINNNK!</em>
</p>
<p>Nope!</p>
<hr/>
<p>She hated to admit it, but Ell was legitimately scared for her life.</p>
<p>She took every staircase, every jump-off point and pulled down every heavy object behind her to escape the creature as fast as her legs could take her. To her left now was a set of lockers to hide in, large enough to hide someone. To her right, more stairs headed to the ground floor.</p>
<p>Against instinct, she dove into a locker and quickly clicked the door shut before--</p>
<p>
  <em>Shhhhhhhink-innnnk…</em>
</p>
<p>Ell didn’t dare breathe.</p>
<p>
  <em>BANG BANG BANG!</em>
</p>
<p>Please don’t open her door…</p>
<p>
  <em>SCKKKKKRRRRR…</em>
</p>
<p>Did that thing have <em>claws?!</em></p>
<p>
  <em>BANG!</em>
</p>
<p>Well… Ell was right about the horns - they just barely missed her head.</p>
<p>
  <em>...Click, click. Click, click. Click, click… Shhhhhhhhhinnnnk…</em>
</p>
<p>Unless there was an actual goat alive and kicking in the building, she was sure the monster had hooved feet. Actually, it did make sense how they kept on her trail - goat legs were nimble as <em>fuck </em>over obstacles in their way.</p>
<p>Good fucking God, the kids weren’t lying in their witness reports. This… Goat-man or whatever it was--</p>
<p>No, she couldn’t think about it at the moment, she had to get out. But where were her brothers?</p>
<p>Ell relented to gently breathing through her nose, checking her phone as to what made her the mouse in this… Goat-and-mouse… Chase. On the lowest brightness possible, of course.</p>
<p>Goddamnit, why did fucking Jaxx have to text the group chat?</p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>Actual Atom: Ready to leave?</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>Me: Whre r u?</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>Actual Atom: With Ed. Were in some kinda secret airport vault/bunker. Found old plane in here.</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Well, that sounded promising. At least they were safe.</p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>Me: How secure is it? Got a bank vault door or somthing?</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>Actual Atom: Yep, nothing Ed couldn’t handle when opening it. Looks heavy-duty for the day.</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>Me: Don’t leave that place, keep it open. Once Im inside, shut it and lcok it.</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>The Twin²: Why?</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <em>...Click-click, click-click, click-click… Shhhhhhhhhinnnnk…</em>
</p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>Me: Found CK.  </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <em>Bang.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Bang!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Click-BANG!</em>
</p>
<p>Ell almost couldn’t believe she smashed the locker door in the face of the literal monster that was the Christmastime Killer as she made her escape down the stairs. She would’ve loved to see its face then, but running for her life was <em>much </em>more important now.</p>
<hr/>
<p>“Oh thank fuck,” Ell panted, “There’s the front doors, but where the hell is the vault?!”</p>
<p>
  <em>Shhhhhhhhhhhhinn… </em>
</p>
<p>Shit shit shit--</p>
<p>“Ell! Over here!”</p>
<p>“Ed!”</p>
<p>To the right, set of downwards-stairs - okay, she wasn’t dead yet!</p>
<p>
  <em>Click-click click-click click-click--</em>
</p>
<p>“Come on come on-- I gotcha!”</p>
<p>“Gah! Jaxx, shut the door!”</p>
<p>
  <em>Creeeeeee--SLAM! Ka-click!</em>
</p>
<p>“Holy fuck, Ell! You scared me and Ed back there!”</p>
<p>“You fucking think, Jaxx? I just got chased by the goddamn Christmastime Killer himself because of your text!”</p>
<p>
  <em>BANG BANG BANG! SCKKRRRRRR!</em>
</p>
<p>“…He’s… Still pissed, isn’t he. God that noise is awful...”</p>
<p>“You don’t say, Oxford. Ow! My ears…”</p>
<p>“Ed, Jaxx, l-leave it-- achoo!”</p>
<p>“Bless you! Sorry, the room’s a bit dusty.”</p>
<p>“It’s fine-- achoo! I’m glad it i-- achoo!”</p>
<p>“What d’you mean?”</p>
<p>“Because, Oxford,” Ed interjected, “Despite the Christmastime Killer being here-- ow, ow ow, my ears, why won’t he stop?! It means nobody but us has been here in recent years! We should be safe down here-- Owwwwww!”</p>
<p>“Yea-- achoo!”</p>
<hr/>
<p>Ell covered her nose and tried to steady her breathing before looking around the room, trying to block out the scratching and clawing noises outside which started to <em>really </em>grate her ears. She winced at Ed clutching his ears tight with both hands. Stuff like this was the worst and it hurt that she couldn’t help him.</p>
<p>“An airport bunker vault?” She found her words again, quickly looking around.</p>
<p>“Yeah-- owwww!” Ed managed, “There’s the old plane and a bunch of spare parts, some big red metal arms and shit, an old van and a huge sleigh!”</p>
<p>“With a bunch of reindeer skeletons still stationed in front,” Jaxx scoffed, “Not like they’re gonna come to life and fly us out to fucking Santa Claus or something. But look, Ell, really? The fucking Christmastime Killer himself? Is this a joke?”</p>
<p>“You think I would’ve texted you ‘CK’ if I was fucking joking, Jaxx? The witness reports from the kids were accurate as all hell: horns, claws and all. Even down to the chains and sleigh bells. The only detail they were missing was that he was more of a goat than a person. A goat-man.”</p>
<p>“You’re fucking kidding.”</p>
<p>“You wanna go out there for yourself?”</p>
<p>Jaxx’s eyes widened as he took a step back from the door.</p>
<p>“That’s what I thought.”</p>
<p>“Owwww my ears-- Hey guys,” Ed interrupted, still in his pain, “What’s with this crank near the wall?”</p>
<p>“Could be our way out of here,” Ell shrugged, “Without that goat-man chasing--</p>
<p>
  <em>Clunkclunkclunkclunkclunkclunkclunk.</em>
</p>
<p>“Well, I wasn’t wrong. God, will this asshole ever stop?!”</p>
<p>The trio were now standing in front of the opened garage door, leading up to the snow outside. A gust of cool, fresh air wooshed in and Ell found herself breathing freely.</p>
<p>“Not bad,” Jaxx nodded, “It does look quite steep-- ow! Ell, watch where you’re-- what the <em>fuck? </em>”</p>
<p>
  <em>Clatter clatter clatter clatter.</em>
</p>
<p>“Um, Jaxx?” Ell turned to look, “You were saying something about the reindeer earlier?”</p>
<hr/>
<p>Ell started to back away from the standing reindeer skeleton which headbutted her brother’s arse - unaware that she was moving backwards towards the sleigh where the other waking deer were attached to.</p>
<p>“Oh shit, more of you?”</p>
<p>The bone-clattering deer nudged her into the sleigh’s seat, as with Ed and Jaxx - with varying results.</p>
<p>Her twin immediately complied at the threat of a reindeer skeleton shoving its antlers on his arse cheeks, sitting to the left of his sister in the sleigh, still clutching his ears in pain. But, as for Jaxx… </p>
<p>“Ow! Fuck! Shit, goddammit! Fine then, fuck you, I’m on your stupid fucking sleigh!”</p>
<p>Looking in front of her, Ell watched the boney deer reorganise themselves into a riding pack, still attached by the leather reins which were probably centuries old. She held the loop hanging over in front of her off the sleigh edge--</p>
<p>
  <em>BANG! BANG! SCKKRRR---</em>
</p>
<p>“Oh no!”</p>
<p>“You can’t be fucking serious! How the fuck did he break in a hole?!”</p>
<p>From some sheer instinct, Ell raised the reins high over her head and brought them down with a loud <em>CRACK </em>!</p>
<p>By all illogical, impossible, incomprehensible means, the undead reindeer bucked, ran, and raised the giant sleigh out of the bunker-- up into the moonlit skies of Christmas Eve.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Now the fun's kicking in. </p>
<p>See you tomorrow with Chapter Three!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. ED</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Ed finds an old friend. I mean it this time.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ed hadn’t really been fully paying attention the entire time he and his siblings were in the building - well, until they all locked themselves in the vault. Before then, he’d just wandered around and let his mind drift away at some points, whilst others he’d be firmly grounded to the floor beneath his shoes. Aaaand he had a tendency to mentally zone out from dangerous and creepy scenarios.</p><p>Now, with the wind (and slight tinnitus) whistling in his ears and blowing against his face, his mind slammed back into reality, back into the sleigh with the weight of ten boulders.</p><p>Dear <em>God. </em>They’d all just survived being potentially eaten alive by <em>the Christmastime Killer </em>. On top of that, they survived because his sister was flying <em>a sleigh, spearheaded by a pack of </em><b><em>lively skeleton reindeer.</em></b></p><p>But what really pulled his mind back into its home skull was the very fresh and vivid memories of what he discovered in the building.</p><p>Ed had found documents of his very first namesake in the largest offices and studios, alongside faded photos of said ancestors. Judging by the dates and condition of the photos, it must’ve been around about a hundred years since they were taken. Edward the First must’ve <em>just </em>bought the building as his first studio around Christmastime to make… Well, whatever he made with his friends. Dad never said what exactly their ancestors did before moving to adventures full-time (and getting <em>another </em>studio by the looks of things), but based off the photo of the building back in its heyday having ‘Eddsworld’ as the sign name, it could’ve been something pretty creative… </p><p>It strangely gave Ed anxiety to think that the building was part of his family history, even more so when those beautifully unedited documents and photos were now stashed in his gratuitous inner coat pockets.</p><p>Wait a minute, wasn’t there a family story about someone with this <em>exact--</em></p><p>“Ell! Do you know where we’re going?!”</p><p>“I don’t know, Jaxx! The deer are pulling <em>very </em>hard - I don’t think I’m taking them somewhere, they’re <em>taking us </em>!”</p><p>Ed gulped when he looked below him. Was the ground getting… Larger?</p><p>He gripped the edge of the sleigh, pushed his feet firmly on its floor and closed his eyes with gritted teeth.</p><p>This wasn’t gonna be--</p><p>
  <em>BANG!</em>
</p><hr/><p>The first thing Ed did when the sleigh slowed to a stop was to fall out face-first into the thick, layered snow.</p><p>“Ugggghh,” his moans were muffled by the cold powder, “Why did this have to happeeeeeen…”</p><p>“Sorry, Ed?”</p><p>“Why,” he sat up straight to face his sister, “Did we have to go in that building in the first place?”</p><p>“Hey,” Jaxx scoffed, “don’t look at me as the source of all these problems.”</p><p>“Don’t bloody well tempt me Oxford, even though it <em>was you </em>who had the damn idea in the first place.” he huffed, rubbing extra snow bits off his face.</p><p>“Well, shit. You got me there… Now where the hell are we?”</p><p>A very good question. Ed noticed the sleigh had landed neatly next to a building. Smaller than the previous one, but it looked… </p><p>“Abandoned? Again?” he wondered, “What is it with tonight and abandoned buildings?”</p><p>“Erm, Ed? It doesn’t look like the <em>only </em>one. I think the deer took us to an abandoned <em>neighbourhood. </em>”</p><p>“…Holy shit Ell, you’re right,” Ed realised, his breath of steam rising to the moon.</p><p>“I don’t get it,” Jaxx shook his head whilst he hopped off the sleigh and Ed stood up, “Why would the deer take us here? Fuck, why is this neighbourhood abandoned anyway? Why even park to this specific… House, if it even is one?”</p><p>“Well, we won’t know till we head in, right?”</p><p>“Fuck <em>no </em>.”</p><p>“Me neither.”</p><p>“Oh come on you two, why not?”</p><p>“You saw what just fucking happened, you--”</p><p>“Alright, fine, I get it, no need to drag it on, Oxford! If you both want, I’ll go in by myself!”</p><p>“Oh for fucksakes--”</p><p>“Ed wait!”</p><p>He’d been two steps toward the faded red door before his twin gripped her hand on his shoulder.</p><p>“If you’re gonna go in there, don’t do it for us. Please.”</p><p>“Okay then. I’m going for me.”</p><p>His sister sighed and shook her head, accepting defeat of an argument which would never happen. </p><p>“I’ll walk with you to the door and stay there. Afterwards, you’re on your own. Be careful. We don’t know what could be inside after… Just now, really.”</p><p>“Thanks. And I will.”</p><hr/><p>It made perfect sense to leave the door open when Ed stepped in the house - he could have some more light, an easy escape which could be shut by Ell if he was being chased, and the twins sure as hell didn’t want to re-figure out the whole process of a door being opened by an old <em>handle </em>(if it was a pun, Ed hated it) and not by a codeword. </p><p>But for now, Ed had the whole place for himself - solely for the purpose of exploring. Maybe even humming to himself with nobody to tell him to shut up like they always did. </p><p>So he did. </p><p>He hummed and he hummed, through some old songs and carols, before coming up with a few new melodies which he hoped to lock in his head and remember for a Calamity jam session. It was a relief and comfort to sing as he explored this house. Didn’t matter if it was quiet or gentle - it still helped him. </p><p>Through a kitchen, a junk room, the living room, bedrooms and bathrooms, Ed had found the whole place looking… <em>Familiar </em>. Just to be sure, he pulled out the photos from the previous building and tried to line them up as best as he could.</p><p>Sure, they were quite faded, but a lot of the locations… Matched?</p><p>Could it be?</p><p>Holy shit, he wasn’t sure if he believed it. Yet… </p><p>At the same time, curiosities-- no, <em>clues </em>kept falling into his possession, but questions still continuously conjured themselves in his mind. </p><p>Why was there police tape towards the basement door? How come the place was left behind in a state of disarray, like everyone had to evacuate from an earthquake or something? Why was there a tombstone in the living room, with a grave freshly--</p><p>
  <em>Wait.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh, </em>
  <b><em>shit.</em> </b>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>Me: HIDE.</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>Actual Atom: Why??</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>Actual Atom: OH SHIT WTF WHO IS THAT</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>Me: I think the deer came for their owner. They’re certainly not in their living room grave anymore </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>The Twin™: tf you talking bout</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>The Twin™: FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUUUUCK I LOOKED THROUGH THE WINDOW</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>The Twin™: WHAT ABT U</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>Me: Stay hidden behind the door I’ll figure it out</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>Actual Atom: EDWARD ERNEST GOLD THE V I SWEAR TO FCUCK</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Chills screamed up his spine as he heard gentle footsteps walking past the room and towards the open door. He <em>voluntarily </em>shut up.</p><p>Please go outside please go outside please go outside…</p><p>
  <em>Plap, plap, plap, plap…</em>
</p><p>Ed immediately grabbed the nearest old lampstand in the living room and creeped his way back to the door, holding himself back from following the new figure who had just left the house.</p><p>Ah shit, what was the name on the tombstone? He wasn’t always the best with names…  Nevermind, maybe if he could peek at who this person was from here…</p><p>They were dressed in a deep, dirty, red-and-greyed Santa outfit for a start, which was bloody well weird on its own. Ed was sure this was the sleigh owner now, as they started to pet each and every one of those boney deer, all of them leaning into his… Dear God, were those hands <em>green </em>?</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>Me: Guys, where are you?</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>The Twin™: Still behind the door.</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>Actual Atom: Under the sleigh and in the snow.</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Oh, there he was. He could see a bit of Jaxx’s hair sticking out from the snow, but otherwise he hadn’t spotted him the first time.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>Me: Good. Can you guys see?</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>Actual Atom: Only the snow I’m in and this phone. Otherwise I’m fuckin blind.</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>The Twin™: A bit… </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>The Twin™: Wait wasn’t there a family story about somebody who looked like that guy and had This Exact Sleigh</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>Actual Atom: FFS Ell</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>Me: Shut up, she’s got a point.</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>The Twin™: I’m getting out now, you Ed?</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>Me: Yeah. Hands up.</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>Actual Atom: HELL NO</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Ed and his sister gingerly stepped outside their respective hiding spots, hands free in the air when the figure looked up at them from their deer. As the twins kept going towards this person, Ed started to recognise them. He’d never seen them before in his life, but he <em>knew </em>who they--no, who <em>he </em>was from the family tales.</p><p>Green, decaying, tightened skin. Teeth which stuck out from the top and a grey-white beard which hid the whole jaw. Sunken skull holes with a small red glow in them for eyes, though they weren’t menacing, just calm and somewhat content… For now. </p><p>“You two… You brought my sleigh back, right?”</p><p>“Our older brother is here too - underneath it,” Ell swallowed, “But yeah. We did. Is that really <em>your </em>sleigh?”</p><p>“DAMN IT ELIZABETH--”</p><p>
  <em>Bump.</em>
</p><p>“OW, FUCK! My head…”</p><p>“Yes, it is. Oh you know what, you’re all closer to being on my nice list. But you look terribly similar to… Well, at least four people I knew of. Like, you’re a mix of all of them.”</p><p>“You’re…” Ed swallowed, forcing himself to keep eye contact, “You’re Zanta Claws, right?”</p><p>“Yeeess? How did you know my name?”</p><p>“Oh man… Where do we begin?”</p><hr/><p>“So…” The undead cadaver mused, sitting in the sleigh’s front with the three humans, “You three are descendants of the last four guys I met before I, well… Decided to rest in peace for a bit.”</p><p>“Yup!” Ed shrugged.</p><p>“You found my sleigh and deer in a not-so-abandoned building after being chased by someone.”</p><p>“Damn right,” Ell nodded, “Do you have any ideas why?”</p><p>“I parked it there. Wasn’t blown up like you might’ve heard about it. And that building used to be your great-great-grandfathers’ first old film studio and offices.”</p><p>“Oh. Really? Wait. The <em>first? </em>I thought there was only one…”</p><p>“He’s not lying, Ell.” Ed confirmed, “I found photos and documents with those guys in them. This is their house. I think. Some of the photo locations matched up.”</p><p>“Ed,” Jaxx hissed, “why the fuck you didn’t tell us?”</p><p>“Because we were on the bloody run, Oxford.”</p><p>“Leave it, both of you,” Ell shushed them, “Not in front of Santa Claus.”</p><p>“Eh, fuck it, I’m dead anyway,” Zanta sighed, “As if that’s a worry for me. And you’re dead-on, Ed, this <em>is </em>their old house. Good eye. By the way, they were all already living here when those photos were taken and stashed at their studio.”</p><p>“Ohhhhh.” </p><p>“Ohhhhh.”  </p><p>“Ohhhhh.”  </p><p>“Ah, altogether at once, you’re <em>definitely </em>siblings! So with the matter at hand…” Zanta started again, “Who was chasing you in the other building, Ell?”</p><p>Ed glanced at his twin, his hands tightening at the notice of her clenching fists.</p><p>“I think it was the Christmastime Killer we’d been hearing about for the past few weeks… It was just like the reports... They had horns. A-and claws, I think, but the horns and goat legs are definite. I saw them wearing a tattered cloak, and I heard chains and bells being dragged behind them whenever they moved…”</p><p>He backed away when he spotted Zanta’s glowing eyes dim and shrink at the words, though the sentient zombie was sitting the furthest from him.</p><p>“Jingle balls,” Zanta’s voice was barely above a whisper, “This. This is worse than I thought. Dirty son of a bitch <em>, </em>the soul-sucking bastard…”</p><p>“Um, Zanta?” Ed was on the verge of falling off the sleigh again.</p><p>“The entire reason of starving for brains I shouldn’t have eaten,” his voice now raising higher, “WHY DID HE HAVE TO COME BACK?!”</p><p>The echo into the night was bitingly cold as the snow beneath the sleigh. Shivers continuously screamed down Ed’s spine as he gripped its side for support.</p><p>“Damn it, I should’ve seen this coming… He told me this was going to happen and I didnt believe it - ‘a millennium and century later…’ Goddammit. Listen carefully you three. The figure you’ve encountered back in the offices is basically the opposite of me: an anti-Santa, I would say. He’s powerful and skilled in dark supernatural forces, but he can’t use those forces to their full potential unless he kidnaps, kills and eats--”</p><p>“All those missing people in the past few weeks?” Ell asked.</p><p>“--a child on Christmas Eve. Elizabeth, next time let me finish my sentence. But you’re still probably right.”</p><p>“Sorry.”</p><p>“Were any of the missing people children, by the way?”</p><p>“...No, actually!”</p><p>“Good. He has power right now from all those people you say he must’ve eaten, but it is very limited in comparison to what he would be like if he actually ate a naughty kid. Especially on Christmas Eve.”</p><p>“Didn’t <em>you </em>apparently eat naughty children?” Ed wondered, thinking about the family tales.</p><p>“Yes and I still can, but that was part of the curse from him to me. Didn’t remember it was from him for a while till recently, and it’s taking a lot of self-control not to bite your heads off. Anyway, by the sounds of everything, he may as well be your Christmastime Killer. Regarding his abilities right now, he can’t directly use his powers on a person, but he sure as hell can make and send minions to do his bidding.” </p><p>He hopped off the sleigh seat and stormed to one of the deer, grabbing an antler and breaking half of it off its head. In his hand, the broken antler bit burned dark red smoke before turning to dust.</p><p>“What. The fuck.” Jaxx hyperventilated, “Was that.”</p><p>“He was spying on you, must’ve cursed the antler just as you escaped. He knows too much now and he’ll be after your relatives very soon. He’s a fucking bloodhound.” Zanta strode around the deer to Ed’s side, “I know it’ll take some time for him to rally any backup, but <em>we </em>have been losing said time without knowing. So I’m trusting you to stop him and save your relatives while I finish off some old business for your ancestors.”</p><p>Wait, what?</p><p>“Ell, you know how to ride the sleigh?”</p><p>“Um…”</p><p>“Ever ridden a horse with reins?”</p><p>“Well, yeah. Ed rode them too.”</p><p>“Like that, but you need to have some strong arms.”</p><p>“We’re mechanics, weaponsmiths and blacksmiths. Ed and I are fucking barbarians under these clothes.”</p><p>Ed couldn’t help puffing up a little.</p><p>“Well, if it helps with anything,” Jaxx huffed in envy, “A small exchange trip to America for study purposes last summer taught me how to use a few guns. In a shooting range with targets in the shape of dartboards and the KKK instead of human beings, thanks.”</p><p>“Then you two lads should have no problem with the coal uzi and the candy cane bazooka-cannon in the back. With some refill ammunition for the uzi if it comes to it. Don’t worry about losing your hearing, since it’s got some magic modifications from me. Might’ve been something else in the back too, but I can’t recall exactly. Bet it might be useful anyway. ”</p><p>“Holy shit,” Ed whistled in astonishment while looking in the back and taking out the cannon, “How didn’t we notice these? They’re actually there!”</p><p>“In… Dubitably.” Jaxx managed while analysing the uzi now in his hands, “Hope I won’t fucking suck on a moving sleigh.”</p><p>“Nah, you won’t.” Ell reassured him, “But you absolutely will if you try to take a selfie during a battle.”</p><p>“I’ll leave you to it,” Zanta started to head back towards the open door of the house, “I can’t come because--”</p><p>“Of what?” Ed wondered.</p><p>“I can’t repay an old debt to your family,” he carried on, his back still turned as he slowly turned his head to look at the trio, “If I let myself be a prime hunk of undead distraction meat with you, can I? Now GO!”</p><hr/><p>All made sense to Ed as the trio flew the sleigh into the night. Yet... One question-- no, <em>two </em>questions remained as the wind whistled in his head.</p><p>First, who was going to be struck immediately by this anti-Santa Claus demon bastard?</p><p>Second, who <em>was </em>the anti-Santa Claus demon bastard? Well, aside from being the Christmastime Killer, if Zanta was to be believed.</p><p>He sighed, rubbing his forehead in hard thought. He was sure the answers to those questions carried not only a last-ditch hope for his entire family, Ed felt, but also potentially the whole of London, then England and possibly Christmas itself.</p><p>“I wonder how Auntie Amy’s going with her pregnancy,” Jaxx mused, “She’s due to have the baby in about early January, right?”</p><p>“Holy shit, Jaxx!”</p><p>“What the fuck did I do?”</p><p>“That’s who we have to save first! The Richwells, remember? An unborn baby and its mother would be a perfect feast for the Christmastime Killer needing to crack open some dark magic!”</p><p>“Unsurprising - then the Hartgraces would be next with little Mattie and Macie, if Derek and Andrea aren’t sufficient food since they’re about our age.” Ell grunted, pulling the reins, “Then the Lawson kids would be last-resort.”</p><p>But now it left Ed his final question. </p><p>“Guys… Did you notice Zanta <em>never </em>mentioned the proper name of the Christmastime Killer? It’s clear he knew the guy…”</p><p>“Maybe it’s cursed?” Ell shrugged, “Fuck, I don’t know, I didn’t exactly have a grand old tea-party with that son of a motherless goat.”</p><p>“Just googled ‘anti-Santa monster’,” Jaxx sighed, staring at his phone, “And I hate to say this, but we as part of human history already know the guy. Wikipedia page and all. If, and big if, the cultists showing up on those big parades on the sixth <em>for his own holiday </em>is true, then… We know who our Christmastime Killer is.”</p><p>Only one thing crossed the trio’s minds and spilled from their tongues as they saw the name on the phone:</p><p>“Well, shit.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>KRAMPUS</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And that's a wrap on the first set of chapters! </p><p>My plan for CC's release schedule is going to be 3-chapter arcs every long weekend: Jaxx on Fridays, Ell on Saturdays and Ed on Sundays. We've completed arc one, but hang tight! Next week will be the start of arc two!</p><p>I'll see you next Friday/Thursday - whatever timezones are - for the start of arc two, beginning with Chapter Four!</p><p>Have a great week!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. JAXX</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>So the battle for family begins...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Yahh, yahh! Move it!” Ell barked at the deer, “Faster!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxx was sure the deer could definitely handle faster, but he wasn’t sure if </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> could. His glasses fogged up and </span>
  <em>
    <span>almost </span>
  </em>
  <span>flew off his face seven times already - how the hell could Zanta expect him to </span>
  <em>
    <span>hold</span>
  </em>
  <span> a coal uzi at these speeds, let alone </span>
  <em>
    <span>use it?!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Richwells should be a kilometre away from where we’re at now, if Google maps is right,” Ed yelled over the rushing wind, “We might be able to make it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ell laughed cockily at the news, but Jaxx didn’t feel easy about it. Around him, he felt the air drop a few degrees colder, biting through his coat and sending jitters through his spine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Heeeeeeeheeheeheeheeeee!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s</span>
  <em>
    <span> not </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ell… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>From some bone-chilling instinct, Jaxx gripped his uzi and fired.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Clackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclack!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aahhh!” A tiny, scrunchy, grinchy voice screamed, “I’ve been hit! Follow the unborn’s scent without meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jaxx?” Definitely Ell. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck, fuck, fuck!,” Jaxx straightened and cleared his nearly-falling glasses and readied himself to shoot again, standing and propping a leg on the seat, “Ell, Ed, we’ve got company!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could barely hear Ell’s determined growl under Ed starting up his candy cannon and the howls of the wind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Almost there!” Ed called out, “We should be able to reach the Richwells’ soon!”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Clackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclack!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aieeee!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You tinsel tits, that was my--”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Clackclackclackclackclackclack!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Arrgggghh!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How soon, Ed-- whoaaaa!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sleigh swerved and Jaxx fell out, landing ass-first on a thick pile of snow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit, what the fuck Ell-- oh, shit!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He scrambled off the snow and realised he’d landed in the Richwells’ backyard. From where he was standing, he spotted the back door open, alongside the kids’ bedroom windows. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He dared to hope for just a tiny moment--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Heeeeelp! Papa!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The sleigh hovered above him as he readied his uzi. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ell, Ed!” he called up, “Keep the rest of the little bastards away, I’m going in!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jaxx!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jaxx!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he was already through the back door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If he was to die tonight at the hands of the goat bastard, he wanted at least his siblings to stay alive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was his fault they got roped into this mess anyway. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Dark. Damp, from the snow brought into the house. Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxx tried to steady his breathing as he crept around the kitchen. Those little fucks could be anywhere for all he knew - only the moonlight gave the hints of chaos they caused: pots and pans on the floor, plates shattered, and--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Holy shit, was that </span>
  <em>
    <span>blood?!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Arrgh…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stiffened at the noise, but urged himself to silently keep moving forward. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Man… Some part of him now was starting to be glad his mate Oli wasn’t here. He did puff himself up a lot only to look like a coward often. And his jokes were </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>shitty for a lot of situations, come to think of it… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, this wasn’t the time. The Richwells’ had three children right now, he reminded himself - with a fourth one on the way. But if he didn’t get his guts together, Thomas would lose his wife, his kids and… God, he didn’t want to finish it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So where did the noise come from? And where was the blood leading? It sure as hell wasn’t one constant runny trail… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aheeeheeheeehee!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He instinctively jerked his gun to the noise, harshly swallowing down his own fear--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aheee heee heee hee! Hello~! Who do we have here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Clackclackclackclack!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ow! That was my wing, you poopy present!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxx ducked as something swung at him and slapped his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Son of a bitch! Get off me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aheee heee hee!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He waved the creature off, unsure of his aim…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Clackclackclackclack!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“AHHH!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The coal knocked the fucker to the floor and into the moonlight’s gleam. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After he made sure the door and windows were shut and locked, Jaxx straightened his glasses and grimaced at what he shot down. It was about the size of a garden gnome, dressed in dirty white frills, but its face and dress were partially stained with dark red. The face also had the usual eyes of a twisted creepy doll, but now in pain thanks to their feathered wings and porcelain joints having been broken by the coal. The smile didn’t move or change as Jaxx stood, pointing the uzi at it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was probably the worst-looking Christmas Angel he’d ever seen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where the fuck is my first cousin once-removed, you godforsaken twat?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hee hee hee! The one with the fancy box-glasses on his face? I pulled them off and tasty blood flew everywhere! Pity it wasn’t much, but he’s unconscious now and will make a wonderful main course for our master after he’s had the unborn! Hee hee hee!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Son of a motherless goat! He never fully liked his ‘uncle’ Thomas, but breaking his only means of sight was a hell of a NO for </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone</span>
  </em>
  <span>, let alone whatever relatives or bastard minions had popped up from the back of nowhere. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are his kids? His wife?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ahee hee hee! My friends are after the delicious children, and you’re lucky we can’t find the unborn yet!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxx popped the bastard’s head off with the short heel of his boot before crushing it with a stomp. Fucking piece of shit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Arghh… Fuck… C-can’t… See…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So that’s what the noise from earlier was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Grabbing paper towels from the kitchenette, he strode toward the new voice, grabbed his uncle’s hand from the floor to pull him up, before wiping as much blood as he could from his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, ow ow… Sh-shit… Who’s there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thomas, do you have your gun on you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His ‘uncle’ nervously reached into his belt, pulled out his pistol and cocked it. The top of it glowed blue and extended the length, illuminating the cuts on the sides of his head and his black, empty, blind eyes - sclera and all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jaxx? Is that you? What are you doing here? Where’s--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh, Thomas, you have to stay quiet. I need your help. The Christmastime Killer will be on his way, but he sent company first. Ell and Ed are outside keeping the rest of them off, but--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Amy and the kids,” He understood, “You seem to have a better chance of fighting those fucks after them than me, but I’ll do what I can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxx placed Thomas’s free hand on one of his shoulders before holding his uzi again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t let go of me, and don’t make a sound.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas nodded. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>The flight of stairs to the kids rooms was only a short one, but it felt like hours as Jaxx and Thomas made their way up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seriously, how long would it take them to get up ten steps? He wanted to joke about it, but Jaxx reminded himself this wasn’t the right time. He wasn’t Oli, for godsakes. Besides, it would just attract more of those bastards to them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Every noise kept him on high alert as he reached the first bedroom: the clicking of a wind-up something, the faint tinkle of a chiming instrument… And the smallest whimper of a child. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Anna,” he could hear Thomas from under his breath, “She must be in her wardrobe. Can you hear her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. The walls are bloody thin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. Glad we didn’t renovate this year.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The duo swiftly stood next to her bedroom door, backs against the wall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s her door password?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Once I say it, who the hell knows what could be in there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxx nodded, momentarily forgetting his first cousin once-removed was blind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. Let’s do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bubblegum!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door slid upwards and the duo burst in, guns out at ready to fire at… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why the fuck is there a box on the floor playing music?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t see it, but I don’t trust it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t trust it either.” Jaxx shook his head, “The window’s open, I’ll try to throw it out. Keep your back against the door and be ready to shoot straight ahead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good idea. Castle, close.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door slid shut behind them as Thomas aimed and Jaxx softly stepped forward. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not gonna be harmless, he reminded himself, aiming his gun at the seemingly innocuous box, it’s not--</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>BOINGYOIYOIYOING!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Motherfucker--!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ahahaha! Pop goes the weasel, Anna--”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Clackclackclackclack!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ow! You’re not Annabel! And that was my nose!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You,” Jaxx managed as he rolled out the way of a comically large and springy clawed hand, “Don’t even have one!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whaaat? Don’t you want to play with your old pal, Jack-in-the-Box? Ahahaha!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never met you till tonight!”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Clackclackclackclack!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxx’s coattail swished behind him as he dodged the arms of the oversized terrifying toy, sliding behind it. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Clackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclack!</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ow! My back, that’s no fair! You don’t play nice!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t nice in general. So go fuck yourself, you bulbous pinhead!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glanced over his shoulder and spotted the open window, narrowly ducking and dodging a grab from one of the swinging spring arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thomas, NOW!”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>PEWW!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The Jack-in-the-Box knocked back in a perfect arc over Jaxx, some of the blue laser dissolving the creature’s horrifying face as it did so. The hands tried to hold on and yoink the cursed toy back up, but…  </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ka-Chick! PEWW!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxx didn’t get up to look out until…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>CRASH!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Ah, there it was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did I get him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glanced outside before shutting the windows. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hell yeah you did. In the face, even.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Papa!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can come out now Annabel, I’m here and the monster’s gone now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A young girl with her father’s dirty blonde hair and her mother’s bright blue-green eyes nervously peeked from her sliding door wardrobe, before spotting Thomas and leaping into his arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Papa!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you’re safe now, my little princess,” Thomas sighed in relief, kissing her forehead, “But Jaxx and I aren’t done yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You gotta help mama, Will and Charlie, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but you have to stay here. Keep the light on, curtains closed--”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Click-click, click-click, click-- THWUMP, BOOM.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was from the roof. He’s getting close, the son of a--” Jaxx stopped himself, his face flushing as he realised the kid had heard his swearing earlier, “We need to move! Anna, keep the door and windows shut, let nobody else in unless it’s your family!”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Getting into the Richwells twins’ room was easy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finding them… Was not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The lights were stuck at off, leaving the whole room in total darkness save for the gentle moonlight streaking through the open window. (Dammit, why were they always open?) Their cooking and workbench playsets had been dramatically overturned by whatever was in here, and the kids’ toys were scattered all over the floor like landmines. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Be careful where you step,” Jaxx whispered, “It’s like a war zone in here. For all we know, one of those toys on the floor could actually kill us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Glancing behind, he saw Thomas nod and whisper something. The bedroom door then shut and locked itself with a click. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A cold air breezed through the room, gently knocking the curtains and sending chills down Jaxx’s spine. He kept a glaring eye on the toys he could spot on the floor, silently daring any one of them to attack.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Charlie? Will?” he whispered, “Where are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stupid move, he chided himself. If the creature or creatures they were facing in here went by horror movie logic, they’d pounce by now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A full minute passed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Two minutes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Three. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could hear his own heartbeat. His trigger finger tightened. He swallowed back every scream threatening to rise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There HAD to be something here, something which forced even gutsy Charlie and Will to hide--</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Whirrrr…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He froze in place. Didn’t dare move a muscle.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ding, ding, ding-ding, ding, ding-ding ding-ding ding…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Wait a </span>
  <em>
    <span>FUCKING</span>
  </em>
  <span> minute.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Time slowed down. The Toledor March hit a note. Jaxx whirled around, grabbing Thomas’s gun from his hand before pushing him down..</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>PEWW! Ka-Chick! PEWW! Ka-Chick! PEWW! Ka-Chick! PEWW!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The robot’s head fell off, the arms limped, and the metal body collapsed to the floor with an unceremonious clatter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Time sped up back to normal when Jaxx heard himself panting, staring at the broken mechanical show-bear before him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>God, he absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>loathed </span>
  </em>
  <span>that--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Papa! You killed it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He helped a stunned Thomas off the floor, just as two tiny seven year olds rushed to their dad from their hiding spots, crushing him in a happy hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The lights flickered back on, and the twins stared at Jaxx with their father’s black ‘eyes’. (Though hadn’t he been used to them being genetic, he would’ve thought they were possessed). Charlie held her mother’s fake-candlelit hanukkiah while Will had a tiny fake pine tree also from his mum. But Jaxx wasn’t sure if he should’ve been disgusted, impressed or horrified by the demonic-looking dark pixies impaled and bloody on said holiday items. Maybe all three. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Will said flatly, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> did. Why did you take papa’s gun?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because he’s blind without his digital eyes, duh!” Charlie huffed, “He didn’t know that the creepy bear robot was behind him!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span> behind me?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxx calmly handed Thomas’s gun back before picking up his own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s your mum?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! She must be in our super-secret downstairs hideout!” Will grinned, “We told her to go there when the baddies came in and we fought most of them off! Your gun’s pretty cool Jaxx, what is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A semi-automatic coal uzi. Look, your dad and I can’t stay for long--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Coal? That’s so cool! I heard in science class that it was used to make fires in the past centuries!” Will rummaged in his pyjama pockets and pulled two tiny boxes out, “Do you want to use my zippo lighter to light the coal and blow up the other monsters? Here, you can also have these matches I traded through school!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“William Elliot Richwells, how many times have I told you!” Thomas scolded, “No fires for your cooking playset! It’s not safe to play with the gas either!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But papaaaaa, I don’t have gas, and Charlie gets to use real hammers and nails for her--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Leave it,” Jaxx cut them off, accepting and pocketing Will’s lighter and matches, “Thanks Will. You two join your sister in her room. Maybe you could make it a fort and kill more monsters from there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The twins eagerly nodded, calling their door open and unlocked before dashing out, still with their Christmas and Hanukkah makeshift weapons in hand. It wasn’t long till Jaxx heard pained, high-pitched screams that definitely weren’t human and the scolding of their older sister straight after.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As much as he usually stayed the hell away from their dad, Jaxx always did have a soft spot for the Richwells twins. Even if they were occasionally little murdermuffins.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So,” he sighed, letting his heart slow down, “where’s the hideout that Will mentioned?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The wine cellar,” Thomas stepped towards the door, feeling his way around till his hand lay on the door frame, “Some parts of the apple don’t fall too far from the tree.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really wish you hadn’t said that.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Either the little bastards were scared or waiting for the right moment to strike, because Jaxx couldn’t spot any of them back downstairs. Even Thomas, whose hearing had slowly become more sensitive, picked up nothing but their own soft footsteps. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wonder how Amy’s holding up,” Jaxx whispered, “Weird how we’ve barely heard anything from the little shits about her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Small wonder why I married her,” he could hear the grin in Thomas’s voice, “She’s wonderfully clever. One of the many things the kids get from her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They didn’t say much after. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxx pondered how Ell and Ed were holding up their end of the situation - had they knocked off the goat from the roof? Moved him away from the house? Killed him, even?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, not to the latter. Besides, it wasn’t good to get all his hopes up and all the eggs in one basket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two men creeped into the living room, the fireplace’s faint yet crackling warmth thawing their chills. Its glow gently illuminated a basket of presents near the leather couches, giving a soft touch to the exquisite rug on the floor. Jaxx wasn’t too sure about the area, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was the fireplace burning when they came?” He frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Starting to,” came the reply, “Can’t tell if it's dying out now… Hey, what’s that weird smell?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxx sniffed the air - yeah, something weird was there. He turned to the fireplace--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ew.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eeyuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you want to know,” Jaxx grimaced, barely able to take his eyes off the ashy, partially destroyed monster teddy in the fireplace, “But I’ll guess the twins were certainly busy down here. Wait, one moment Thomas.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He strode over to the fireplace and tossed in a good chunk of Will’s matches and a fresh log - gagging at the smell of the monster teddy, but damn if it wasn’t satisfying to relight and see it burn with fresh fire. He lit the few remainders and tossed in the box for good measure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You lit the fireplace again, didn’t you. It’s gotten warmer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Didn’t really need the matches.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Tap.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“D’ah!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jeez, Thomas!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, Okay, okay. I think--”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Tap tap tap.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Muffled, but certainly under the rug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Amy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bump-bump-bump-bump-bump!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Glancing at Thomas for a split second, the two of them hastily made their way to one end of the rug and lifted it up. Looking underneath it, the trapdoor was clearly in sight of the floor, partially covered in kids’ stickers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amy Richwells-Shafir scrambled out of the cellar: hot, sweaty and heavily pregnant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thomas…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honey, are you alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… Urgh!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Amy?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My water broke… Agh, early!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maniacal giggles from hell erupted through the darkness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Son of a bitch,” Jaxx growled, scooting over to help Amy to her feet and then her husband, “Annabel’s room is the only safe one, and the twins are there too. You two get there and keep it locked. I’ll-- I’ll stay back and provide cover. Call Ell and Ed from the window, they can get you all out of here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jaxx--!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Argh!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aheeee heeee heeee heee!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“GO!”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“Jaxx,” he could barely make out Ell’s voice in the phone call over the sound of his gunfire, “This better be worth it, we just knocked the fucking goat back a good distance off from the Richwells house before we picked them up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m a hundred and ten percent sure it is! I can handle these bastards easy!” He fired at another plague-masked elf, “What’s the status with the Richwells’ and the hospital?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Almost there, Amy’s not doing so swell--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eeeeeek! He’s coming! He’s coming! He won’t be happy!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Around him, the horrid creatures scattered away from the living room, terror in their tiny, scratchy voices.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What the hell were </span>
  <em>
    <span>they</span>
  </em>
  <span> scared of?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, you still with me Jaxx?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, all the little fuckers I’ve been shooting at just scrammed. Any idea why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... How much ammo do you have.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He fired a few rounds into the fireplace, letting its flame burn and rise brighter--</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Click-click.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Empty from its not-so-infinite cartridge. Why do you--”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Clatter!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>FWOOOMPH!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“YYYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The goat-bastard’s scream of pain almost made Jaxx’s ears bleed.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Run. Like. Hell.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>He swore his own heart leapt out of his chest as he skidded and scrambled to Annabel’s room - his life fucking depended on it!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>God, that scream… On one hand, he was excited and glad to find out the asshole felt pain and wasn’t entirely invincible. Christmastime Killer with dark powers or not, it was clear that this fucker could </span>
  <em>
    <span>die</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the other… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He’d never get that noise out of his nightmares for a long time, if not forever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bubblegum!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He leapt into Anna’s room, body-slamming himself onto the pink carpet, half-way to the unlocked and reopened window. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh yeah, the Richwells were long gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>STOMP. STOMP. STOMP. STOMP.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Castle, close!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door slammed shut as he heaved himself off the floor and scrambled to the window. He glanced at his phone and hoped this wouldn’t be his final message.</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>Me: HURRY. </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>The Twin²: WE’RE TRYING</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <em>
    <span>BLAM! BLAM!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He started to climb out.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>SCKRRRRRRR!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He gulped his heart down.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>CRRRRRACK!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He jumped.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>BANG!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“D’augh, fuck! My back!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lucky catch, Ell!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ed, that wasn’t lucky, it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>perfect</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Straight into the back of the sleigh!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxx scrambled to his knees, his face blasted with the cold winds again while crawling to the sleigh’s empty seat space, grabbing refill ammo and ignoring a stick-like object on the way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I,” he sighed as he plopped next to Ell, “Was too fucking close. Wait, where are the Richwells?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Richwells,” Ell grinned, “Are alive and well at the hospital. Amy’s a little premature, but there’s one Thomas Jackson the Fifth who is safe and sound thanks to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh! And they second-name their kid after me,” he sharply inhaled and replaced the uzi cartridge, “Who’s next?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Hartgraces,” Ell turned to serious mode again, “We got lucky this time, but who knows what’s in store for us over there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaxx wasn’t keen to find out.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This week was pure hell to get through. University is super demanding, so don't be surprised if I announce that I may plan to shift dates for Arc 3 by another week - say, the same week as chapter 10's release.  </p><p>See you tomorrow with Chapter 5!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. ELL</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which we encounter the goat-man.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Since picking up Jaxx from the Richwells residence, Ell hadn’t heard a single thing except the crackling of the reins, the faint rumbles of distant hover cars and the wind in her ears. The goat and his minions hadn’t shown up compared to earlier, and not a gunshot or cannon was heard from her brothers.</p><p>The night was getting a little too silent for her liking. </p><p>“In three hundred metres, turn left.”</p><p>
  <em> Thanks, Google.  </em>
</p><p>“This doesn’t seem right.” Jaxx shook his head, “Why would the fucking bastard not even try to slow us down to the Hartgraces? I mean, I just fucking barely escaped him, therefore pissing him off. That would set off a wild goose chase, wouldn’t it?”</p><p>“Maybe,” said Ed, “he hasn’t cursed something on the sleigh this time. That’s how he tracked us down earlier, right?”</p><p>“That’s… Way too hopeful.”</p><p>“Oh, come on, Oxford.”</p><p>“But you have a very good point. Maybe… Fuck, maybe he’s immediately directed his attention to the Hartgraces by his literal bloodthirst for children. Especially since we made it clear the Richwells’ were off-limits. Besides, he couldn’t get away with murdering them all <em> in </em>the hospital - they’re a million times safer there than home.”</p><p>“...You really had to say that, didn’t you Jaxx.”</p><p>“You can’t fault me to say the truth, Ed!”</p><p>“At least,” Ell butted in, “You two agree on something.”</p><p>“Your destination is five hundred metres on the right.”</p><p>“Wait.” Ed took a sniff, “Does anyone smell smoke? Ugh, it's so strong…!”</p><p>“Oh,” Ell’s breath hitched, “NO!”</p><p>The (literally?) flaming goat-bastard was on the Hartgrace Mansion’s roof.</p><hr/><p>Ell had to think fast as the sleigh approached the minion-swarmed area of the home. Somehow, if she could knock off--</p><p>Aha!</p><p>“Merry Gentlemen, hold on.”</p><p>“Ell? What the fuck are you--”</p><p>
  <em> WHIP-CRACK! </em>
</p><p>“ELIZABETH PLEASE--”</p><p>Just a right jerk in the reins--</p><p>
  <em> THWACK! </em>
</p><p>The goat-bastard rolled in the rooftop snow and hung off the edge by his clawed hands. Ell had to keep him away from the Hartgraces, but constant sleigh-drifting wasn’t the answer.</p><p>“Guys, get to the others and help them out. Keep Macie and Mattie safe, I’ll distract the goat.”</p><p>“Ell--”</p><p>“Ell--”</p><p>“Go!”</p><p>The trio scrambled off the sleigh - Jaxx and Ed slipped down the chimney (after some haughtiness from the former) while Ell stayed behind, standing in front of where the goat was scrambling back up. </p><p>Maybe she could’ve checked in the back of the sleigh for the ‘something else’ Zanta mentioned, but there wasn’t enough time: Ell had to play her cards right. As long as she didn’t screw up or make him lose interest… It all felt like a huge mistake and second thoughts rose, but she had to try.</p><p>“Krampus. We need to talk. You have the answers I want to know.”</p><hr/><p>Ell stifled a scream, holding her firm face as the creature stood in front of her. </p><p>Still. Better her in his way than her family. </p><p>He still smelled of the Richwells’ fireplace and other awful things, forcing Ell to hold back the gagging in her throat. He was a whole three heads taller than her when he stood straight, dressed in a tattered and charred red tunic with a cord of long chains and sleigh bells tied at the waist. There was the hooded cape at his shoulders, but she could now see it was buttoned by a green jewel, had greyed fur on the edge of the hood and spotted the various tears, holes and burns on the end of the deep red fabric. </p><p>His legs were the most goat-like part about him, what with the fur and hooves for feet. The (now-burnt) goat fur covered his whole body, including the back of his clawed hands and almost his entire face. </p><p>Good god, was that face fucking <em> disgusting </em>. </p><p>Krampus had a more humanoid head (apart from the fur covering it), but he had curving upward horns of a Spanish bull, pointed elven ears and no nose, instead having small holes in his face that weren’t unlike a human skull. </p><p>What startled Ell the most were his eyes. </p><p>His right eye was clearly <em> supposed </em> to be human, but his left side <em> wasn’t </em>. Instead, that area of his face had no skin, no fur, just his open skull with a small, piercing red glow in the centre of the eye socket.</p><p>He looked totally demonic. </p><p>“Answers?” He crooned, “What kind of answers are you after? Answers as to how I’ll kill and eat your relatives before I take over the country?”</p><p>
  <em> Yikes.  </em>
</p><p>“No,” She swallowed, “Just… What’s your deal? Why hate the holidays so much? Why eat a whole bunch of people?”</p><p>“First of all, Christmas is what I’m after, not--!”</p><p>“You sure? My cousins probably channelled the Maccabees when they impaled your minions with hanukkiahs earlier and they’re <em> seven years old. </em> Look, if you’re trying so hard to ruin the holidays for everyone, you can’t stay stuck on Christmas. Even if it is what the press is putting your nickname through. If you win, everyone else with <em> their </em> holidays will just gang up and beat you to a pulp.”</p><p>
  <em> Dumbass. </em>
</p><p>Krampus’s eyes widened for a moment, but he regained his composure and grinned wickedly, flashing his sharp teeth. </p><p>“Well. We’re lucky to have the time to talk, girl. I need to start from the beginning, shan’t I?”</p><hr/><p>“The forests I was summoned into in 1003, I believe, were very different to the ones you may be used to, child. They were dark, thick and full of the blackness: they drew the cultists to me. Much like the ones that brought me back here. Anywho, the ones from 1003 wanted me to punish all those children who were… Well, you know. </p><p>“As always, anyone who asks something of someone like me always comes at a price. But! I was interrupted in the process of my demands being listed! </p><p>“An upstart with red cloaks, white furs and that stupid beard - he barged in and brought the ritual to such an unfortunately dramatic end! Overturned the candles to smoke, broke the summoning circle to pieces and forced <em> me </em> to bow to <em> him! </em>Under the name of his patron saint or whatever the hell it was!</p><p>“Nikolas, that prick - he cast me back to, ah, where I came from… But I swore vengeance against him for ruining all the fun. So I returned in the sunrise of the new day when one of those nice little cultists sacrificed their child to me, just to finish where we left off… But the red bastard! Ooh he came prepared!</p><p>“Nineteen - or was it twenty? Ah, screw it, I’ll round and call it twenty - it was twenty days and nights of war in the village - my dark, illustrious powers against his nearly impervious defences, damn them! Alas, on the last day which turned to night, Nikolas had the upper hand. I threw everything I had at him until it was near midnight - where we were brawling on his flying sleigh, close-quarters combat from the likes I haven’t seen since! But the sleigh sent us out from the lands of those Germanic people and into forests unfamiliar. To us, that is. You, girl, can clearly see where we landed - you call this land home. </p><p>“It was only a minute until the Germanic midnight when Nikolas defeated me at long last - but I had the last laugh. You know what I did, child? Aha! Ahahahhahaaaa! I cursed him! I cursed him to never fully die when his time came, to feast after those he would punish and never know true peace until my return come the next millennium and century ahead, which has finally arrived!”</p><p>
  <em> Zanta. </em>
</p><hr/><p>Ell <em> wished </em>she had a shotgun to blast Krampus in his stupid face, but alas...</p><p>“Cool backstory, still murder,” she sighed, hopefully sounding bored despite her internal screaming, “Why eat a bunch of people to seek attention and wreak havoc?”</p><p>“Don’t you see, girl?! I know very well that Nikolas is still here in this country - I can <em> feeeel </em> it! You have his sleigh even! And I will make him bow to <em> me </em>after all this time of perfect waiting, and then torture him furthermore for what he’s done!”</p><p>“What about all those people you ate? Do you realise what fucking awful thing you’ve done, eating all those decent guardians and parents of those kids?! And what about the ones who--”</p><p>“Don’t be fooled girl! They were <em> the next best thing </em> ! Every child across this city and this country has gotten too clever for their own good! The only reason I resorted to their guardians was that they were easier to capture and feast on, especially for tonight - how the Hell those brats knew to hide and use holy water guns on me I don’t know, but I would’ve taken a child sooner hadn’t they been so smart! At least…” He turned back to her with a wicked smile, “I would’ve tried again tonight had it not been for <em> you </em> finding my old <em> friend </em> Nikolas.” </p><p>Ell’s fists clenched tight. </p><p>“Why the <em> fuck </em> are you after <em> my </em> family now?”</p><p>“Oh, I know old Nicky wouldn’t be fond of certain tribes unless he was indebted to them - happened before in our little war, did you know? I would target you directly, but you and your siblings aren’t young enough for me to feast on and return to full strength! Fortunately, <em> your relatives </em> are! All of you would suffer first to begin <em> his </em>torture! Can you imagine? Watching the ones you had to repay die before your eyes before your sworn enemy tortures you forever! Ahahaha! Ahahahahahahahahaa!”</p><p>
  <em> Enough. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> THWUMP. </em>
</p><p>“Ahahaha-- Argh! My knees!”</p><p>
  <em> THWAP. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Crack! </em>
</p><p><em> Ouch </em> , did she really break something with that punch to his face? Or did she break <em> his </em>face?</p><p>“How DARE you leave me HANGING on the edge of my glee for this?!”</p><p>Literally, Ell groaned - off the roof. So much for him earning the Christmastime Killer title.</p><p>“Oh, you aren’t getting back up so quick, you baby-eating bitch!”</p><p>
  <em> STOMP. </em>
</p><p>“D’aaargh!” </p><p>She left him dangling with one hand and ran to the sleigh, ready to hop in and check the back for Zanta’s ‘something else’ - then she noticed how close the chimney was from Krampus… </p><p>Hmm. She couldn’t fight him forever, but maybe…  </p><p>Taking the reins of the deer, she led the sleigh behind the chimney with one hand and made a call with the other. </p><p>“Jaxx? I’m going to need Ed’s help on this - wait, he’s unavailable now? Then who’s got the cannon? ...Well, then that’s fine. He is one of the only competent guys of the Hartgraces at the moment-- yeah, it’s clear because he’s adopted. But he has to hurry!”</p><hr/><p>Coming up with insults to Krampus as he climbed back up was spectacularly easy right out the gate. It made the fighting and dodging easier to focus on.</p><p>“Fuck you, goat-man! You wanna murder my family you’re gonna have to eat me! No wonder Zanta beat your ass, you’re more shit-stuffed than twelve turkeys!”</p><p>
  <em> THWACK! </em>
</p><p>“Yaaaaargh! I am more than a goat!”</p><p>“I disrespect your holiday parades, cults and plans, goat-man! Like I said, you’re gonna have to eat me yourself! At least a <em> real </em> goat has a lot more guts trying to bite me than you, you self-pissed baby-eating bitch! Ahh!”</p><p>
  <em> SWOOSH! </em>
</p><p>“Missed, you pig-blooded Selucid pussy! You fucking gave up after we defended the Richwells, is that gonna be the case for everyone else?! Are we gonna kick your ass a bajillion times away from our relatives until you have us alone to fight?!” </p><p>“Only because they don’t know to arm themselves in advance, the fools!”</p><p>
  <em> SWIPE! </em>
</p><p>“What’s the matter, dickhead? Can’t win a fight against a <em> simple human </em> after all these years being <em> defeated? </em> By <em> Santa Claus </em> himself?”</p><p>“My only abilities extend to summoning and directing minions, but once I get my full powers back, I WILL END YOU, FOOLISH MORTAL!” </p><p>“Look at the way I dodge and <em> punch </em> you, goat-man, I disrespect your entire <em> fucking </em> existence!”</p><p>“YOU CERTAINLY WON’T BE AROUND TO FOREVER DEFEND YOUR FAMILY!”</p><p>“Can you hear me, asshole? I might meet my end, but it won’t be at your badly manicured hands - you will suck the asses of my ancestors once I’m done with you! We will <em> wipe </em>ANY trace of your physical existence off this planet! By the way - ahh!”</p><p>
  <em> SWISH! </em>
</p><p>“<em>Me and</em> <em>my family </em>are gonna get parades and holidays in our honour! Every child in this country will tell tales of <em>US</em>! You wanna get me AND the sleigh? COME AT ME YOU PIECE OF ROTTING GINGERBREAD CHRISTMAS CAKE!”</p><p>“YIIIIIEEEEEAAAAAAAARGH!”</p><p>“NOW!”</p><p>
  <em> Schreeeak-BOOM! </em>
</p><p>A solid blast of Christmas-coloured light shot up the chimney and into Krampus, sending him flying through the air and into a thick snow pile just in the front yard.</p><p>“Did I get him?” An eager Finnish-British accent chirped up the chimney.</p><p>“Hell fucking yeah you did Derek!” Ell cheered back down before sighing in relief, “I’ll meet you at the door with the sleigh! Just keep an eye out though, the goat is somewhere out in the front yard snow!”</p><hr/><p>“Ell, you missed all the fun down here!” The twenty-three-year-old Finnish Hartgrace grinned at his adoptive cousin, proudly carrying the candy-cannon, “We killed SO many little bastards!”</p><p>“Yeah, but she kept the main bastard on the roof so our asses wouldn’t be eaten alive,” Jaxx pointed out, surprise-hugging his sister before climbing into his side of the sleigh, Ell following after, “If it weren’t for her, we’d all be <em> very </em> fucking dead by now.”</p><p>“Could you kids cull the swearing?” Uncle Matthew sighed, holding his police gun in one hand and a fireplace poker with impaled dark pixies in the other, “It’s starting to get on my nerves.”</p><p>“We’re not children, Matthew.”</p><p>“Derek, I’ve been saying it’s okay to call me dad for seven years now. Well, since you three helped us made it clear that the goat-man isn’t allowed here, what does it mean for the Richwells and Lawsons? I know we’re not in much contact aside from work, the Lawsons especially since Thor quit the force, but...”</p><p>“Already dealt with the Richwells,” Jaxx shrugged, but Ell noticed he didn’t sound so egotistic as before, “Was hell though. Amy’s got her baby early, but safe and sound now.”</p><p>“We still have the Lawsons to look out for though,” Ed warned as he took back the candy-cannon from Derek and hopped back into the sleigh, “And we can’t waste time. Andrea’s given them a heads-up already, so it might help a little.”</p><p>Ell glanced at her other adoptive cousin on her phone, smiling with a thumbs-up.</p><p>“Ell, are we gonna go?”</p><p>“Right. Auntie Sophia’s okay? Mattie and Macie?”</p><p>“Safe and sound,” Andrea reassured them, “Now you better get going - or that goat might--”</p><p>“Say no more, Andy!” Ell grinned.</p><p>
  <em> WHIP-CRACK! </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em> You certainly won’t be around to forever defend your family. </em>
</p><p>Ell tried to hide her shivering at the thought, gripping the reins tighter. She’d faced Krampus in battle and <em> won </em>, but… Those words didn’t leave her head. </p><p>She was almost always on the front line of so many things: for her siblings, cousins and school friends - joking or serious. She was the one who stood up to her dad about leaving when Jaxx and Ed couldn’t do it on their own. </p><p>She made a personal life for herself, sure, but after mum, Ell had become the next best thing for a parental figure. Not that she <em> really </em> worried about it, she would <em> absolutely </em>drop everything to help out her siblings. In her mind, when the time came, she would defend Cora and Laurie’s right to leave the delivery business. It’d be tough, there’d be a fight, it’d be heartbreaking, yeah…  </p><p>But when she left for uni, she’d left <em> them </em>. Both sides were too busy at once, or if one side was open for an in-person catch-up, the other wasn’t. </p><p>Could there ever be a way out? </p><p>“I see ‘im…”</p><p>“Ed?”</p><p>
  <em> Schreeeak-BOOM! </em>
</p><p>“Perfect shot! Wait a minute…”</p><p>“Ed?!” </p><p>“Holy crap he got back up! Full speed ahead Ell, that goat can’t beat us!”</p><p>
  <em> WHIP-CRACK! </em>
</p><p>The race was on.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>...Yeah, I'm gonna delay the release of Arc 3 by another week. At this point, I still have the last of chapter 8 to write, and chapter 9 to... well, write ENTIRELY. </p><p>But It's doable. I can do this. It can be done. It's not impossible.</p><p>See you for the end of arc 2 tomorrow!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. ED</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which we learn that despite the changes in timelines, some things down the Lawson line don't...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He had no idea how they were all still alive coming up against the Christmastime Killer. Well, sure, not just him, Ell and Jaxx keeping up the chase on the sleigh; but also the Richwells, Hartgraces and if all went well… </p><p>
  <em> BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! </em>
</p><p>“Ell!”</p><p>“Fuck!”</p><p>
  <em> WHIP-CRACK! </em>
</p><p>The sleigh <em> swerved </em>out of the way of the hovercars, through three red lights and weaved through two opposing lanes of the highway/skyway until Ell steered it into clear skies again.</p><p>Ed noticed Ell’s gritty determined look as she flicked the reins, shaking off another lot of dark elves to their death. It also slowed down the goat-man’s rooftop hopping, raining down to slap his head and trip him up.</p><p>“How far off from the Lawsons, Ed?”</p><p>“Just a sec Ell!”</p><p>
  <em> Schreeeak-BOOM! </em>
</p><p>“Crumbled Christmas cookieeeeeeees!”</p><p>“Another fae bites the dust,” he mumbled while opening up his phone’s map, “The Lawsons are ten kilometres away!”</p><p>
  <em> Clackclackclackclackclack! </em>
</p><p>“For fucksakes,” Jaxx grumbled, “Why did the Lawsons have to live so far off from London? Couldn’t they have built a property in the abandoned parts of the area and put their damn mansion there?”</p><p>“Maybe cause they don’t have the right to, Oxford?” Ed wondered aloud, remembering from something he read, “Isn’t it under government possession?”</p><p>“Oh yeah, that’s what they all fuckin’ say. We were in ‘government property’ earlier tonight when you found Zanta, right Ed?”</p><p>“But that was our ancestral home, Jaxx!”</p><p>“So it’s <em> not </em> government property then?”</p><p>“… No! It can’t be, there has to be an old will or something!”</p><p>“Well if the house is in that will, let alone the will <em> existing </em>any more, is the rest of the neighbourhood still government property?”</p><p>“Has to be…” </p><p>“Then-- wait, why the fuck is it <em> abandoned? </em>”</p><p>“Well, I don’t know--”</p><p>“Maybe they don’t give a shit. They just own those places to fill with empty promises and let them rot like the greedy wasteful motherfuckers they are.” </p><p>Ed was <em> this close </em>to aiming the cannon at his brother’s head. Sidetracking son of a bitch.</p><p>“Oxford, I swear to god, I’m gonna mur--”</p><p>“Could you two <em> shut </em> your lawyering bullshit <em> up </em>for at least five minutes?!” Ell snapped, “This isn’t a delicate moment like it as at Phoenix Industries with their drug ring conspiracy, so keep that shit to yourself! We’ve got a different asshole at hand here!”</p><p>Both brothers shared a stunned glance. But where Jaxx looked away to shoot those corrupt Christmas Angels, Ed kept glaring with narrowed eyes.  </p><p>With nights like these, Jaxx was <em> lucky </em>he wasn’t dead.</p><p>“In three kilometres, your destination will be on the right.”</p><p>“So who’s going down to the Lawsons?”</p><p>“I’ll do it, Ell. Haven’t had a chance to do a solo round against the bastard goat yet.”</p><p>Maybe he’d also get a goddamn break from his brother too.</p><p>“Your destination is on the left.”</p><p>
  <em> Thanks, Google. </em>
</p><p>The sleigh drooped smoothly downwards as Ell could lead the deer, stopping outside the Lawson mansion doors.</p><p>“Okay,” Ell exhaled, “Looks like we’ve left the goat in the dust for now. But judging from the open windows, the Lawsons will still need help. Good luck! And stay safe.”</p><p>“No promises,” Ed smiled at his twin as he hopped out the sleigh (thankfully Jaxx’s back was turned so thank god he wouldn’t have to look at him), “But I will.”</p><p>He nudged through the open doors and got down to business.</p>
<hr/><p>Fortunately, the Lawsons were busy before him. </p><p>Thor and his wife Teresa were fighting monsterised giant plushies in the living room: him being armed with short-ranged silverware that raked and gutted them, and her swishing, slashing and thrusting into the bastards with a rapier. They were well in-sync with each other, always having their backs. Ed wasn’t usually the romantic type, but he guessed this made for some hella bonding time.</p><p>Based on how they were faring, maybe it would be better to leave them be. Still, he gave them a friendly wave as he kept going ahead, and he couldn’t shake off his bemused grin when the couple returned the gesture after gutting and decapitating a monsterous yellow rabbit plush with blue overalls.  </p><p>Meanwhile, the dining room looked more like a traditional warzone, with the overturned table as a barricade and strategically placed chairs creating a roof and walls closing up the sides. From it, an ungodly amount of plastic BB bullets were being shot per second at the zombie partridges flying out a potted pear tree and destroying their pear-grenades. Yeah, his cousin Marie was back at her usually-curbed trigger-happy habits. Not only that, but based on the equally ungodly amount of nerf darts being shot out, sixteen-year-old Felix was at it too.</p><p>But Ed learned a trick about these damn birds and their weird weaponry back at the Hartgraces.</p><p>Step One: Catch a flying pear grenade. </p><p>Step Two: Pluck off the stem.</p><p>Step Three: Yeet it back at the birds--</p><p>
  <em> BOOM! </em>
</p><p>Ah, right there. Good thing it was a small flock.</p><p>“Finally!” Marie grunted as she crawled out from the barricade, her dark brown horn-shaped double-quiff messing up and bouncing back to normal as she grabbed the mini-pear tree and yeeted it out of an open window before shutting it. “Oh, hei Ed!”</p><p>“Hey Marie. You and Felix know where Toby is?”</p><p>“Err, I’m not sure.”</p><p>“He’s taking care of a few rooms at once upstairs, so maybe check there!” Felix yelled as he pushed out one of the chairs from the bunker and started to retrieve his nerf bullets.</p><p>“Gotcha. Say, both of you bleached half your hair?”</p><p>“Gonna dye the lower half red in time for my twentieth birthday next month,” Marie shrugged while pulling out an airsoft BB-pistol and shooting a stray zombie pigeon without looking, “Felix is gonna keep his tips frosted. Oh and by the way, thanks for the heads-up from Andrea!”</p><p>“No problem. Keep it up, you two are a good team.”</p><p>“Thank you!”</p><p>Dashing out the room and up the nearest set of stairs, he turned to the right--</p><p>“What the shit!” Ed mumbled, “Jaxx wasn’t kidding about what happened in Will and Charlie’s room.”</p>
<hr/><p>Banging the door of Toby’s bedroom down the far end of the hallway was a human-sized piss-coloured rabbit animatronic. Worse still, that thing looked almost as old as Krampus. Jeez, how the hell did the goat even come up with these ideas?</p><p>No matter. He aimed his candy-cannon upwards at the robo-beast.</p><p>“Toby! You better open up your doors, I’m about to blast that thing to hell and back, hopefully while <em> not </em> breaking your house!”</p><p>The rabbit turned its head a full one-eighty degrees to look at Ed, its jaw dropping at the sight of him before the body realigned itself to charge.</p><p>“Yeah, you little Easter bunny bouncing bitch! Come at me!”</p><p>
  <em> Stomp-stomp-stomp-stomp-- </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Schreaaak-BOOM! </em>
</p><p>The robo-rabbit was knocked all the way back to the middle of Toby’s now-open bedroom, landing on its ass and skidding on the carpet to a stop. As Ed ran in too, he saw the animatronic’s electric eyes rolling around in their sockets as if it was dizzy. But like he was having <em> any </em>of that.</p><p>Open balcony door? </p><p>Bingo Ringo.</p><p>“If you believe in a god of any kind,” he aimed the cannon again, “you better start saying your prayers you mechanical roadkill.”</p><p>The eyes realigned to normal, first looking to Ed before going down to the barrel of the cannon. It didn’t look away as it stood back up--</p><p>
  <em> Schreaaak-BOOM! </em>
</p><p>The animatronic was knocked back one last time, falling over the stone balcony fence and far down to the ground below like a ragdoll. </p><p>
  <em> Clunk-clatter! </em>
</p><p>Good riddance.</p><p>“Ed? We got your warning from the Hartgraces <em> just </em>before everything went Texas, I’m so glad you and your siblings came! I wasn’t so sure if my shovel would be able to take on that robot bunny, but I’m glad you had something to take care of it.”</p>
<hr/><p>Back inside and armed with nothing but said shovel was seventeen-year-old Toby Theodore Lawson. Well, his name wasn’t <em> actually </em> Toby, but everyone took to it since it was a million times better than <em> Thor Jr.  </em></p><p>“Good to see you too Tobes,” Ed grinned as he shared a high-five, “Your family is seriously <em> the most </em> prepared compared to the Richwells and Hartgraces.”</p><p>“Really?” Toby sounded surprised as he shut the balcony and bedroom doors, “Well, that’s good to hear. Say, is <em> your </em>family alright? No attacks or anything?”</p><p>“What? No, no,” Ed waved it off as they both sat down on Toby’s bed, “They’re all too old for Krampus to get any power from eating them. He told Ell himself.”</p><p>“Good lord, that makes sense. Glad they’re safe. I was just wondering how Laurie’s holding up.”</p><p>“Laurie? She’s fine. Ell and I helped her with her homebrew hacking app through the time we’ve been here, she’s been--”</p><p>“Ed. That’s not what I meant. Remember when she almost got expelled last term?”</p><p>“Ohhh yeah! The radio prank where some nasty threats were made.”</p><p>“Red Radio,” Toby nodded, “And it wasn’t just invasion and death threats. Someone impersonated the principal endorsing them, some old anthem was playing and fake ads for a ‘Red Army’ campaign came up. Obviously none of this was Laurie’s fault. She’s a hell of a hacker and techie, but it’s not like her to do such a thing.”</p><p>“I know, I know. I guess I should thank you for saving her ass, right?”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it, it’s nothing. I gave her a pretty compelling alibi which was true, but… I still feel awful thinking about it, Ed. Red Radio wasn’t her fault.”</p><p>“I know Toby, we all do.”</p><p>“But <em> one </em> piece of evidence, no matter how good it is, isn’t enough to hold her innocence at school. It’s like goddamn Among Us all over again. The real culprit or culprits made sure there’s still plenty of shit, which still makes her prime suspect.”</p><p>Ed nodded, but couldn’t respond immediately, not when all of this came onto him. It felt like a tonne of bricks had whacked his heart. Not like it wasn’t badly bruised by Jaxx already, but thank god his cousin understood he needed a moment. </p><p>He glanced around the room a few times over, sometimes stopping to stare at certain parts of Toby’s room. Despite having all the space he could’ve wanted, his cousin was a minimalist, his furniture taking up only half of the space up to the middle, where the balcony sliding door was. There was a closet which carried only his coats and special-occasion outfits. Two sets of drawers which held all his neatly-folded clothing. A desk with a lamp, a mini Christmas tree, sketchbooks and art supplies was sitting on the opposite wall to his bunk bed, which always had mismatched pillowcases and duvets. One of the intercoms which were scattered through the whole house was right next to the door, completing the look.</p><p>Ed remembered his last years in high school. When Toby was about eleven or twelve, he always let Ed and Ell take the bunks while he slept on the empty spot of floor opposite to the setup he had for himself. When they protested, he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Hell, before moving out for uni, Ed would sometimes pick up Cora or Laurie from here because they’d been playing video games or studying together after school or delivery shifts. Hell, even Jaxx had nothing bad to say about Toby, compared to the one or two snarks he had on Marie, Felix and plenty more of <em> their </em>twin siblings. Sure they had their fights and disagreements about (mostly) stupid stuff, but… The Lawsons raised good kids. </p><p>But the youngest Lawsons… </p><p>“You alright to keep talking about it?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Ed exhaled, “So what the hell can be done? How are you gonna prove her innocence?”</p><p>“… I’m not a hacker, Ed. I got really lucky when I managed to give Laur a solid alibi. But if there’s something Cora and I share, it’s a hunch.”</p><p>“Wait, <em> Cora? </em>When did Cor get involved?”</p><p>“I had a chance to talk to her when she was with her friend… Erm, Emily was it? Right, Emily. I was in a call with them earlier before this shitshow started. There was a lot of deduction, elimination and in the end we all agreed on a very different prime suspect. Two, actually.”</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>“I’d hate to say it, but…”</p><p>
  <em> Bzzt. </em>
</p><p>“Hey kids?” Thor’s voice crackled over the intercom, “Have you seen or heard Donny and Blitz around? Any sign of them?”</p><p>The cousins shared a glance.</p><p>
  <em> What the hell? </em>
</p><p>“They aren’t in their bedroom, haven’t responded to even phone calls,” Teresa continued, “Nothing. I don’t want to fear the worst, but…”</p><p>
  <em> Yikes. </em>
</p><p>“Tell them I’ll go find them,” Ed stood, tucking the candy-cannon under his arm, “And if they do turn out to be safe but… Well…”</p><p>“I know.” Toby stretched before using the shovel to push himself off the bed, “But don’t be too harsh on them, that’ll be dad’s job. By the way, one more thing?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>Toby grabbed a decoration off his mini-tree and handed it to Ed. It looked like a cat’s breakfast that came out the wrong end and got dunked in gold glitter.</p><p>“If you can, blow this thing up for me. I hate it, but mum and dad won’t let me throw it out.”</p><p>“Gladly.”</p>
<hr/><p>Despite what Thor and Teresa said over the intercom, Ed headed downstairs to Donny and Blitz’s bedroom. After all, wouldn’t hurt to double-check… </p><p>“Yeah,” he muttered as he set foot in the room, scrunching up his nose, “For being named after reindeer, they certainly know how to make their room look and smell like it. Honestly, wasn’t it like this last time?”</p><p>Donner and Blitzen’s bedroom was the same size as Toby’s, but it felt <em> way </em> smaller just by the sheer <em> mess </em> they left behind. Half-open closets, clothes on the floor and over their bunk beds, wastepaper bins overflowing (and not just with paper!), the only thing which <em> was </em>neat were all the posters and trinkets attached to the walls. </p><p>Even so, the posters in question were questionable: a suspicious video game he‘d never heard of, a low-tier garbage anime where Ed couldn’t get past the first episode, and comic covers for some cheesy yet unsettling series he recognised from a Wikipedia rabbit hole. Something about an ex-mercenary saved from the death penalty when he was recruited into a shady private military. </p><p>With all that chaos in the room compared to their lawful brother Toby, Ed could only wonder how the <em> hell </em> these two came into existence, let alone be <em> Lawsons.  </em></p><p>Still, he signed up to look for them, so he would. </p><p>An uneasy calm had settled into the room as he looped around the minefield of mess, the candy-cannon raised and ready to fire at anything that moved. For all he could tell, neither Krampus nor his minions had caused this chaos in here to search for the teenage twins. If anything, the <em> clackclackclackclack </em>shooting from the open window was a clear sign Ell and Jaxx were busy with them outside. </p><p>Ugh. Jaxx… </p><p>
  <em> ‘This isn’t a world where Christmas miracles can come out of fucking goddamn nowhere.’ </em>
</p><p>Shut up, he told the memory. He had other things to focus on. </p><p>
  <em> Ping! </em>
</p><p>What?</p><p>Ed turned to where he heard the noise and carefully treaded to where it came from: Donny’s desk, specifically his hologram computers--what the hell, where did the kid get all of this? Not even <em> he </em>was that rich or smart enough to get his hands on so many, let alone the one Ed was looking at getting for Laurie! Whatever, right now Donny’s holos were lit up with a notification on the lockscreen. </p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>Sis: Where the hell are you two nerds? Mum’s freaking out.</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Ed shook his head. He didn’t blame Marie for being so concerned--</p><p>Wait a second.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>To do, 3rd Oct: (delet l8r)</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>-secure voice emulator calibration</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>-test ra. ads thru speaker speaker system on -Db.</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>-confirm scapegoat.</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>… What the <em> hell? </em></p><p>Hold on, third of October. Wasn’t this just a few days before… </p><p>Hmm.</p><p>This was weird already but it wasn’t enough to convince Ed fully. Maybe if Blitz had something on <em> his </em>computer… </p><p>Hopping over a pile of clothes to reach the other reindeer’s desk of hologram computers (little rich showoff!), Blitz’s setup woke up. There wasn’t anything on <em> his </em>lockscreens, but it didn’t make that kid more or less smarter than his twin who left behind a weird old to-do list. Ed figured he could still get in. </p><p>Sure, he wasn’t his little tech whiz sister Laurie homebrewing a whole hacking program, but he and Ell did help her out with it a lot over the break. And he was one of her teachers in her earlier days, so he had a chance. Maybe… Maybe it’d be a matter of guessing the password. </p><p>DB69420?</p><p>
  <em> Incorrect password, two attempts remaining. </em>
</p><p>Donnyi5adumm455?</p><p>
  <em> Incorrect password, one attempt remaining.  </em>
</p><p>Hm. What <em> would </em>be a good password which Blitzen Lawson would use?</p><p>Looking around the room, Ed’s eyes were drawn to the posters again. Actually, come to think of it, there were a lot more covers of the comic on the walls than there were posters for everything else, particularly on Blitz’s side… </p><p>Maybe the main character with the year the comic series began?</p><p>ctn%vLhd17</p><p>
  <em> Welcome, Blitz… </em>
</p><p>Bingo Ringo. The percent sign and no vowels were a lucky guess. Now about what Blitz had to say from his computer-- </p><p>“For the love of everything good and holy, what the <em> hell?!” </em></p><p>Blitz’s browser tabs were open on accounts and forum threads on, of all places, <em> 4Chan </em> and <em> Reddit. </em> It was fine in and of itself, but the <em> threads, with interaction from their own accounts… </em> God, Ed still hoped they’d be at least <em> decent </em> kids when he’d find them, but <em> this shit </em> was… </p><p>
  <em> ‘Shit always fucks up at Christmastime.’ </em>
</p><p>Ed frowned and shook his head. It was just a memory of Jaxx on the walk, he could ignore it… </p><p>
  <em> ‘Nobody is immune to the Christmas bullshit.’ </em>
</p><p>Come on, Ed told himself, there <em> had </em>to be good in Christmas, try to think about something else!</p><p>
  <em> ‘I hate it! I just fucking hate it all! I hate Christmas! There’s no substance to it anymore Ed! There’s no magic, no joy--” </em>
</p><p>Shut up shut up shut up SHUT UP!</p><p>
  <em> Ping! </em>
</p><p>Ed forced himself to check where the notification came from again, unclenching his teeth and allowing the ringing in his ears to recede, holding back any tears which threatened to rise… </p><p>As he read the new message, his eyes widened. </p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>KittyNan69: You and your twin better be reading this. The stunt you tried to pull off at your school isn’t okay, let alone funny. You still have a chance to be better since it’s Christmas, but… You may as well be on our blacklist. It is a kindness that you are not… For now. </p>
</blockquote><p>Who the <em> hell… </em>?</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>KittyNan69: You know who we are. We do not forgive, we do not forget. You are not part of Legion. Not anymore. Not since what you have done and during the aftermath.</p>
</blockquote><p><em>Holy</em> <b><em>shit.</em></b></p><p>Ed tried to hold back the millions of shivers screaming through his body. He’d only heard historical rumours of some strange group which rose up after the international dismantling of Anonymous halfway last century, keeping up this legend of legion but... </p><p>Good <em> god </em>. </p><p>Come to think of it, he remembered learning 4Chan was shut down into a heavily monitored archive in school years ago. Same with a good portion of dark Reddit. But how… How?! How were they up, running and active on the computers of these two without their parents noticing?! </p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>KittyNan69: If you want to get back in our good graces, apologise to your victims publically and recind your excess tech to others who need it more than you. And tell your parents especially. Or you <em> will </em> face consequences for your actions. </p>
  <p>KittyNan69: And maybe change the password to your secret base from R_1620_a to something else more secure. You and your brother are clever children, but you sure as hell aren’t wise. We’re already in your systems. <em> Expect us. </em></p>
</blockquote><p>… That would explain the antique-looking keyboard in the middle of the centre wall. Couldn’t have been too antique if it was an ‘Internet of things’ kinda deal. Or maybe it was complexly wired. </p><p>By instinct, Ed pulled out his phone and turned on its camera to record before placing it in a coat pocket where the lens could still see. He didn’t know, he just had the gut instinct to. </p><p>His heart was pounding as he then typed in the password on the keyboard. Surely Donny and Blitz couldn’t be <em> that </em>bad. Sure they were in a few rabbit holes and had weird taste but they were still decent kids, right?</p><p>
  <em> ‘We do not forgive, we do not forget. You are not part of legion.’ </em>
</p><p>Ed shuddered.</p><p><em> ‘Stupid kids,’ </em> he could hear Jaxx snarking in his mind, <em> ‘They must’ve fucked up real bad to get threatened by the goddamn successor to Anonymous.’ </em></p><p>He flinched.</p><p>
  <em> Click, hiss… </em>
</p><p>It was Christmas, he reassured himself as the secret door creaked open and he began his descent. He had to hope for the good in everything. It could still be alright, it was still possible!</p><p>… Right?</p>
<hr/><p>“Hey Blitz, pass some chips would ya? I’m about to nerf this noob!”</p><p>“Nah loser, you get your own, there should be some left in the stash. I’m about to send the PUP again to our ‘get out of jail free’ card.”</p><p>“Aw, shit! Missed. Fine, I’ll get my own damn chips. And dude, you can say its name. Nobody’s here but us.”</p><p>“You can’t be too sure, Donny Dingus.”</p><p>“What, asshead? After how many damn VPNs and multiple IP addresses we have? Shit dude, we got the best secret gaming and holo tech that <em> nobody </em> else knows about down here. Not even Legend of Legion.” </p><p>Ed shivered as he slowed his pace to a creep halfway down the stairs. Legion’s words in his head were loud as the fifteen-year-olds down below.</p><p>
  <em> ‘We’re already in your systems.’ </em>
</p><p>“Oh yeah, no way Legion could ever break in here. We’re <em> that </em>good. But for some reason this PUP won’t damn well pull through to the other side! It works fine in practice but not actually to our scapegoat!” </p><p>“What do you mean it doesn’t pull through?!”</p><p>He was at the doorway now, sweat starting to drip down his neck as he gritted his teeth.</p><p>“It didn’t pull through, Don! God, what are you, an idiot? It always crashes and stops at the end of the load before it sends! I’ve looked through all our 4Chan and Reddit guides and I don’t know what that bitch did on its end--”</p><p>“Nothing, Blitz. It’s a dumb helpless bitch.”</p><p>“But it must’ve done <em> something! </em>Either turned off its internet or its parents beefed up security or whatnot, because none of our shit fully makes it through!”</p><p>Goosebumps pricked Ed’s neck as he tried not to gag at the sheer amount of garbage in the room. Literally and figuratively.</p><p><em> It? It?! </em> Who the hell in their right mind would call someone <em> it?! </em></p><p>“Dude, you’ve probably overstuffed it. Why can’t you clear it up like a normal person? Y’know, clear out the gun before you load and fire the bullets.”</p><p>“Don, I damn well reformatted everything in our PUP three times already!”</p><p>“Do it again, Blitz! God, sometimes you’re just as dumb as <em> Laurie </em> . Still don’t fucking know where <em> it </em> got that alibi and fucked over our plans…”</p><p>Icy firecrackers shot through Ed’s neck, behind his ears and exploded in the back of his skull.</p><p>His blood burned <em> cold. </em></p><p>Toby was right to suspect his brothers.</p><p>“If you’re going to shit-talk my sister and keep scheming to ruin her life like the plague-ridden rats you are, <em> you better stop calling her ‘it’ </em> <b> <em>this instant.</em> </b> <em> ” </em></p><p>The fear on the twins’ faces as they slowly turned to face Ed and his darkest death glare was honestly <em> cathartic </em>. </p><p>He’d been right to hit record on his phone camera.</p><p>“<em> You’re </em> the ones who did Red Radio.”</p><p>“Ed, dude! It was just a fucking prank!” Blitz squeaked. Coward. </p><p>“Nobody got hurt! It was just a joke for some fun!” Donny gulped. Jerk.</p><p>“A school-wide shutdown after death threats and impersonating the principal? Trying to cover your tracks? Using Laurie as a scapegoat for all your horse shit? All while sitting down here and doing nothing to help your family fight off a <em> literal monster </em> ? You think it’s a <em> joke?” </em></p><p>Simultaneously:</p><p>“… Yeah?”</p><p>Ed aimed the candy-cannon.</p><p>“I’m going to give you the count of three to stop sending that shit to my sister and own up to your crimes. First to the principal himself through email, then your parents. By the way, Legion told me to tell you. They say hello.”</p><p>“Ed!”</p><p>“You can’t be fucking serious!”</p><p>
  <em> “One.” </em>
</p><p>“Alright! Alright, I’m cancelling the PUP…”</p><p>“Blitz, the fuck you doing?! He’s bluffing, that’s just a fucking prop in his hands!”</p><p>He gently squeezed its trigger, the soft <em> whiiirrrrrrr </em>of the cannon charging up gradually growing louder.</p><p>
  <em> “Two.” </em>
</p><p><em> Nobody </em>was allowed to put his siblings through hell. Not even--</p><p>
  <em> Shiiinnnnk, shiiinnnk, shiiinnnk… Click, click, click, click, click… </em>
</p><p>“Well well well! Naughty children are a much more <em> gorgeous </em>smell to follow than a plain good child, but leaving the doors wide open for the scent to waft through? HA! Edward, I have to thank you for leading me to such a meal!”</p><p>He whirled a full one-eighty behind him and shoved the cannon barrel into the goat’s chest.</p><p>
  <em> “Three.” </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em> Schreaaak-BOOM! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> THWACK! KICK! CRACK! </em>
</p><p>After the first blast, Ed shoved the goat back further up the secret basement’s stairs, anger boiling in his veins and imaginary steam burning out his ears. But Krampus would not buckle.</p><p>“Agh! Ow! Listen-- augh!”</p><p>He didn’t have to listen to <em> shit. </em></p><p>“I get it, I get it!” Krampus tried again, “Those two are brats through and through! -AGGH!”</p><p>Krampus keeled from Ed butting the cannon barrel into his gut, but he didn’t fall. </p><p>“Don’t you think they need,” the goat rasped as he heaved for breath, “a little <em> punishment?” </em></p><p>Ed’s eyes narrowed as he kept the cannon aimed at Krampus.</p><p>“Yes, Edward. They’ve been <em> very </em>naughty boys indeed. Some of the worst you could say!”</p><p>The both of them were now out of the stairway, on opposing ends of the messy bedroom. </p><p>“I can <em> tell </em> how <em> horrible </em> those two have been,” Krampus continued, “And believe me, whatever punishment their parents may have in mind for them, it will be <em> nothing </em>compared to what I have in store.”</p><p>Don’t listen to him, Ed told himself, gritting his teeth as the two began to slowly circle around the room. Don’t listen to the <em> damn </em> goat.</p><p>“And why not let me have at it? Besides, if <em> your brother </em>has been such a pain, why not let me punish him too?”</p><p>Every thought of Jaxx bombarded Ed’s mind. From the walk to his internal arguments and all the shit he spewed and his stupid idea to go into the building-- Why why why why why?!</p><p>Everything inside him dropped from light to <em> dark. </em> Cool to <em> warm. </em> And every thought of Jaxx in his stupid blue coat and stupid blue shirt and stupid blue <em> bullshit </em>just made it all feel… </p><p>
  <em> Red.  </em>
</p><p>His breathing became shallow. </p><p>“Oh, Edward,” The goat crooned, slowly creeping closer, “Just leave the twins and your brother to me. My punishments for all three of them can redeem Christmas!”</p><p>His hands clenched tighter on the cannon.</p><p>“Besides, Christmas is a holiday of good after all! Nothing bad should ever happen on it!”</p><p>
  <em> Click.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> SCHREEEAK-BOOM! </em>
</p><p>The cannon blast knocked Ed back to his senses and Krampus against the wall. He hadn’t noticed the grip on his trigger finger getting so tight…</p><p>God, he’d almost considered… No. God, no, no! He could <em> never </em>do that! </p><p>Besides, it was <em> Christmas </em>! It was one holiday out of a few which he and his relatives celebrated, with good being repaid unto good. But… But it didn’t mean bad didn’t exist during that time. How else could he appreciate the bright side of life? Everyone had the chance to change for the better. </p><p>Part of even having that chance was because they had family who noticed and offered opportunities to change. Asshole siblings, relatives or whatnot, even if they didn’t deserve the chance, it was still theirs to take it. For all he knew, Donny and Blitz could change. <em> Jaxx </em> could change. </p><p>A demonic goat-man who specifically ate people however… </p><p>Dark, warm and <em> red </em>feelings were still stewing and brewing inside.</p><p>Holding the candy cannon under one arm, he marched through the mess to where the seemingly unconscious goat was, grabbed one of his horns with a free hand and with it, <em> threw </em>the bastard across the room. </p><p>
  <em> CRACK-SNAP! </em>
</p><p>The <em> rest of Krampus </em>slammed against the other wall.</p><p>“YIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGHHH!”</p><p>Ed clenched his teeth again, covering his ears with hunching shoulders, trying not to keel from the pain. Yet, he managed to look up: the goat was in front of the open bedroom window. </p><p>He shoved the broken horn in one pocket, dug out Toby’s shitty decoration from another and loaded it into the candy-cannon barrel. </p><p>Perhaps it could be of better use.</p><p>
  <em> Schreeeak-Ka-BOOM! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> CRASH! </em>
</p><p>A shower of gold glitter, red laser light and glass flew halfway through the whole room, but now Krampus was <em> out.  </em></p><p>Ed maintained his aim at the now-broken window, glaring <em> hard </em>as the goat stood up outside. </p><p>
  <em> Don’t come back. Unless you wanna have a bad time.  </em>
</p><p>Like the coward he was, Krampus limped away with shaking goat legs and a wonky balance. </p><p>
  <em> Good bloody riddance. </em>
</p><p>The darkness fell away as Ed slowed his breathing. The red brightened into another colour. But the warmth remained. He tried not to dwell on it, but it wouldn’t leave him alone.</p><p>“<em>Mein Gott… </em>That was the coolest shit I’ve seen in real life!”</p><p>He turned to see Blitz slowly creeping out from behind the secret door, his older twin right behind and looking disinterested. Ed’s eyes narrowed, remembering Red Radio.</p><p>“Psh,” Donny scoffed, “It was some special effects bullshit. Didn’t <em> really </em>happen.”</p><p>“Donny?”</p><p>“Yeah Blitz?”</p><p>“Shut the fuck up. It <em>happened, </em>right before our eyes. It was <em>real, </em>Don.”</p><p>As bad Blitz was, perhaps…</p><p>“There’s glass on the floor from the window,” the younger Lawson twin continued, “Ed has the broken horn in his pocket, and the cannon even blew up Toby’s shit decoration as ammunition!”</p><p>“That’s what you thought you saw,” Donny spat, “It’s just special effects!”</p><p>Was this kid <em> asking </em> for a bad time? Even <em> Blitz </em> glared at him. </p><p>“What the fuck is <em> wrong </em>with you, Donner?! Why don’t you pick up the glass and cut your hand on it to see for yourself?!” </p><p>Though, he wasn’t to be <em> too </em> outdone.</p><p>“Though, to your credit Ed,” Donny continued, ignoring his fuming brother, “These are the exact kind of SFX we could use for--”</p><p>“Where the <em> hell </em> have you two been?!”</p><p>“Dad!”</p><p>“Oh, <em> hei </em>dad.”</p><p>“We’ve been looking for you all this time during the battle! Look, go help your sister and brother fight off some giant monster teddies!”</p><p>Both twins cheered and whooped as they grabbed an impromptu weapon and ran out the door, but only Blitz stopped to look back at Ed’s renewed death glare before heading off.</p><p>
  <em> Yeah. He knew what they did.  </em>
</p><p>“Seems like you got in quite the fight here, Ed.”</p><p>He shook himself out of his stance and nodded at the elder Lawson. He felt like he’d been rocked by a shotgun. </p><p>“I love my boys,” Thor went on, sighting as he leaned on one of their bunk ladders, “I just hope I’m raising them right and responsibly. Teresa and I did some things differently this time around since we were already exhausted from Marie, Toby and Felix, but I don’t know if…” </p><p>Why couldn’t his uncle see it? The mess? The chaos? The behaviour?</p><p>Thor had been smart enough to quit the police force. He’d been smart <em> and </em> kind not to rat out his cousin - Ed’s own dad - even if he didn’t deserve it. But he’d been <em> too </em>kind and naïve to see his youngest children acting like and becoming disgusting fish-faced demon spawn. </p><p>The holo-computers on the desks were still on and unlocked respectively from Ed messing around earlier. He spotted the secret door slightly ajar.</p><p>
  <em> ‘If you want to get back into our good graces, apologise to your victims publically and rescind all your excess tech to others who need it more than you.’ </em>
</p><p>Hmm.</p><p>Ed hadn’t been entirely sure on Laurie’s Christmas presents this year, but maybe… he could kill a few birds with one stone?? </p><p>“Thor? May I have a word with you?”</p>
<hr/><p>By the time Ed <em> finally </em>came out of the Lawson mansion, his coat pockets - inside and out - were fuller than ever before. </p><p>“Bloody hell Ed,” Jaxx had a double-take from the sleigh, “What’s with that smirk on your face?”</p><p>“You win a jackpot or something?” Ell wondered.</p><p>“Eh, something like that,” Ed shrugged with an unfaltering grin as he plopped himself into his sleigh seat, “Long story.”</p><p>“Not long enough for <em> some </em>answers at least!” Said Ell as she flicked the reins, leading the sleigh back into the sky, “How did the Lawsons go?”</p><p>His phone, still in the front coat pocket, felt slightly heavier than before. </p><p>“Better than at the Richwells’ and Hartgraces - well, for the most part.”</p><p>“For the most part?”</p><p>“Weeell… Let’s say some people are getting what they want <em> and </em>deserve for Christmas.”</p><p>“I don’t like the sound of that…” Jaxx gave a look as the sleigh rose into the air.</p><p>“What the hell did you expect it to sound like, Oxford? Shit got intense there!”</p><p>“How intense?”</p><p>Ed sighed before pulling out Krampus’ broken horn from an inner pocket. Only then he noticed it was hollow. Huh.</p><p>“Holy fucking shit!” Jaxx blurted, “How-- What--”</p><p>“When I say intense, I <em> mean </em>intense.”</p><p>“…You broke his horn?!” Ell's eyes were as wide as teacup plates. </p><p>“I… I was <em> really </em>mad, to put it lightly.”</p><p>“You don’t fucking say!” Jaxx shook his head, “Glad I wasn’t there for it!”</p><p>
  <em> Yeah. Damn well bet you are.  </em>
</p><p>“Hey Ed?”</p><p>“Yeah Ell?”</p><p>“Down below, on your left.”</p><p>He hefted the candy-cannon in his arms again and aimed at the scrambling one-horned goat-man down below, followed by what probably was a trail of his minions.</p><p>
  <em> Schreaaak-BOOM! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Clackclackclackclackclackclackclackclack! </em>
</p><p>“Ed, you keep an eye on the goat, I’ll take care of aerial recon!”</p><p>“Ahee heee heeee heeeeee!”</p><p>
  <em> Clackclackclackclack! </em>
</p><p>“Stupid fuckin pixies!”</p><p>He flinched at his brother’s voice from the other end of the sleigh, trying to drive it out of his mind. But this wasn’t a place where he could shut up now.</p><p>At least with the Lawsons, he had a fighting chance against those vividly returning memories.</p><p>Instead, they played in his mind again and again, over and over, ruining his jolly mood from before. Occasionally, he’d sneak a glance at Jaxx, and his thoughts became redder and redder.</p><p>Warmer and warmer. </p><p>Darker and darker. </p><p>The inside of ears rumbled as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to focus on the cannon blasts he made. At some point, the firing roles swapped, Jaxx was now blasting at Krampus while Ed took on aerial recon.</p><p>He forced a smile while firing the cannon again. But deep down, he wondered, hoping against his winning anger.</p><p>With all the chances he had, would Jaxx ever change? </p><p><em> Could </em>he?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And thus ends Arc 2 of the chapters!</p><p>If you see me uploading chapters next week on this friday, yell at me to have a break. I've gotta get back to classwork and assessments are due. </p><p>See you then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. JAXX</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>And so family is re-found.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Quiet wasn’t really the word he’d use to call himself right now.</p>
<p>But despite freshly reloading and firing away at Krampus and his minions with the now far-too-familiar <em> clackclackclackclackclack </em>of his uzi… Jaxx found his mind quieting down.</p>
<p>It was like all his senses were heightened, but only for the small moments and small things. Time seemed to slow a little.</p>
<p>Night air blew in his face. Snowflakes caught themselves in his hair or on his glasses. Ell’s steely look clashed with a bombastic smirk to rival the Hartgraces’, as she cracked the reins on the pack of skeleton deer. Ed was grinning as he took a risk and stood up before firing the candy-cannon. Sure he wobbled after the shot, but his expression just brightened.</p>
<p>For the first time since way back to their walk earlier that evening, Jaxx allowed himself a smile. </p>
<p>Damn. This felt <em> good. </em>Fun, even. He wasn’t even missing his roommate.</p>
<p>But he knew this quiet in his mind wouldn’t last forever. Yet maybe he could take the time to think over what had just happened…</p>
<p>So he did. </p>
<p>Starting from the most recent shenanigans, there was Ed’s assault on the goat back at the Lawsons. Sure he’d been busy and wouldn't give details, but Jaxx couldn’t deny the pride in his chest just even glancing at his brother, spotting the broken horn in the pocket. </p>
<p>He felt it even when they teamed up with the Hartgraces to defend Sophia, Mattie and Macie. It was wild sure, but he also knew Ell did most of the hard work talking down to the fucking goat-man himself <em> without </em>being eaten alive. He’d just ran away in fear from Krampus back at the Richwells’… But then again, he had no ammo and the damn goat was set on fire, letting out the worst scream Jaxx had ever fucking heard.</p>
<p>Man, the Richwells! Sure he’d done the stupid thing and went in the house alone, but all things considered he must’ve done <em> some </em> good. Sure he’d been scared shitless more than once, but fuck, he’d really done <em> that. </em> He was <em> so </em>glad he’d called Ell and Ed to fly the Richwells to the hospital and come back so fast, even fresh out of a battle with Krampus. </p>
<p>Thomas had even named his new son after him. Well, only in middle name, but still. Not a bad move from a bastard cop relative.</p>
<p>He kept remembering backwards in this wonderful mental quiet: his first encounter with Zanta with Ed having the balls to even enter the old house, exploring and escaping Krampus’ lair, the scenery on the walk which led them there…</p>
<p>Oh. </p>
<p>Their walk.</p>
<p>
  <em> Oh, fuck. </em>
</p>
<p>His stomach churned. If there was one seasonal thing he’d occasionally shared from old great-great-grandpa Thomas Richwells the First, it was neutrality towards Christmas at best, and at worst… </p>
<p>God, <em> fuck. </em> He’d been <em> such </em> an <em> asshole</em>. Why couldn’t he make a change for himself? Granted, there were reasons as to <em> why </em> he’d been a dickhead before the trio left their parents’ place for the walk, but in no way did they excuse how he acted. </p>
<p>On top of that, Ed was the most vulnerable to his brother’s words, so of course he’d be nursing a grudge against Jaxx. Not because Ed wasn’t a rational twenty-three-year-old who so happened to be functioning differently yet perfectly fine as an adult, but… Ed wasn’t usually the type to hold a grudge. </p>
<p>Sure, Jaxx recalled a time where Ed was just as punchy and easily riled up as his sister, but he watched Ed keep his cool, forgive and let go of things more and more easily as they grew up. So of course it was bad news when he did hold a grudge. Most of the time he wouldn’t even know he’d been holding one until it was too late. </p>
<p>Jaxx knew he had grudges held against him by Ed before; though he’d never admit it was mostly because of Jaxx’s own bullshit, whatever it happened to be. And yet they always resolved it somehow at some level, thanks to Ell being the mediator between them. But Christmas was Ed’s favourite holiday for a reason: the one damn chance everyone could at least <em> pretend </em> everything was fine and get some decency in the world. More good could be repaid unto good, as he’d say. And Jaxx <em> fucked </em>up with it on the walk.</p>
<p>The guilt grew as he remembered how genuinely cheerful Ed would be when he gave gifts to his family throughout the years: a delicately welded blue-and-violet jaybird necklace for mum, carefully crafted prototype blueprints for a working Ember Celica for Ell, a modded to-hell-and-back version of Portal which turned into some lore-heavy mystery game for Cora, a homemade pug plushie for Laurie, even dad’s family legend ramblings landed him a model of a brass-threaded flying eagle statue holding a cross in its talon. There was nothing Ed wouldn’t do or somehow commission to have made to give to his family, regardless of grudges.</p>
<p>Fuck, Jaxx <em> still </em>had the dice set Ed had given him last year. He hadn’t really thought much for it at the time, but looking back, he really did start to like the lapis-lazuli look with the repainted gold lettering on the blue mold, gold particles flickering if he shined it in the light. Not to mention the d20 saved his ass more than once in multiple campaigns, DMing or otherwise…  </p>
<p>It made <em> thinking </em> about what he said on the walk force his gut to his throat, even without Ell’s jerky sleigh steering.</p>
<p>He knew Ed was currently hiding grudges against two people at the moment: dad and Jaxx himself. He didn’t need to ask Ell <em> that</em>. Sure, Ed could usually set them aside for some happy times, but back on the walk… </p>
<p>Apologising was one thing, but how the hell would he make it up to Ed? Fuck, if only he’d cared enough to bring--</p>
<p>Wait.</p>
<p>“Ell. Can you fly us to Oxford?”</p>
<p>Both twins <em> immediately </em>shot him a look.</p>
<p>“N-now now, I’m not off my rocker. I meant when Krampus isn’t too much of a bother - if we ever get the chance. I’m asking if we could go since… I forgot some things in my dorm. And no, it’s not for me.” </p>
<p>“Yeah?” Ell cracked the reins again, “How do <em> we </em>know?”</p>
<p>“What’s your excuse, Oxford?”</p>
<p>“I left them there when I meant to take it with me, Ed. I’d been in a rush to head to London at the time, I didn’t realise I hadn’t taken them with me.” </p>
<p>“Then how bloody important are they if they’re not even for you?” Ed snapped. Jaxx tried to hide his own flinch.</p>
<p>“They’re fucking important because they’re for <em> you. </em>…Both of you.”</p>
<p>The twins shared silent side-eyes before they stared at Jaxx. He could only guess what they were thinking after all the bullshit he said on the walk.  </p>
<p>
  <em> Zzzzzzzzz! </em>
</p>
<p>“What the fuck, why would uncle Thomas be calling me… Hello?”</p>
<p>“Hey Jaxx--”</p>
<p>“How’s your kids? Aunt Amy? You’re on speaker by the way.”</p>
<p>“O-oh, they’re okay, thank you. Did the twins tell you about Tommy having--”</p>
<p>“Yeah. You really didn’t have to give Tommy a middle name after me.”</p>
<p>“You’re also his godfather now.”</p>
<p>“What the fuck Thomas?!”</p>
<p>He ignored the twins snickering to themselves as Thomas went on.</p>
<p>“Amy’s choice, not mine. Anyway, that’s not the point. You three check your left, if the reports have been correct.”</p>
<p>
  <em> Wee-woo, wee-woo, wee-woo! </em>
</p>
<p>“Why the bloody hell are there police hovercars after us?” He could hear Ed wonder aloud.</p>
<p>“Thomas,” Jaxx hissed, “If you’ve sent your boys to arrest us after everything we’ve done--”</p>
<p>“No, no. That’s not the case, though as much as I’d love to do it for your illegal driving--”</p>
<p>“We’re on a fucking magical sleigh from Zanta Claws himself, you know those stories? Illegal driving doesn’t count here.”</p>
<p>“Well, what you said, basically. Though, about your dad--”</p>
<p>“Don’t even fucking <em> think </em> about it.”</p>
<p>“Alright, fine. But listen.” He heard Thomas sigh, “They’re after the Christmastime Killer, not you. I heard from Matthew and Thor that you, Ell and Ed have been calling him Krampus after you fought him off at their places, right?”</p>
<p>“He <em> is </em>Krampus.”</p>
<p>“Then it lines up. Those weird parades earlier this month were for <em> Krampusnacht</em>, but probably thanks to cultist involvement the holiday’s name wasn’t released to the public.”</p>
<p>“Probably to avoid drawing attention to whatever ritual they had to bring him back from the dead.” Ed noted.</p>
<p>“Good lord.” Ell shook her head, “Fucking creeps. Hope they get arrested if they weren’t already eaten.”</p>
<p>“Matthew’s leading <em> that </em>investigation already, Ell. By the way, the patrol was my idea,”</p>
<p>“Fuckin ‘course it was, Thomas.” Ell muttered. </p>
<p>“But Thor had to be a virtual witness with Matthew so I could get the move approved.”</p>
<p>“Wow,” Jaxx scoffed to hide a laugh, “you three actually all agree on something for once. Better still, it isn’t about dad.”</p>
<p>“Jaxx, this isn’t the time to snark.”</p>
<p>“Says you, Richwells.”</p>
<p>“HEY!” A new voice called out from one of the cop hovercars, “Who’s our Christmastime Killer we need to hunt down?”</p>
<p>“That’d be Ryan,” Thomas cut in from the call, “I can hear him from the other side. I’ll let you handle this now. See you Jaxx, Ell, Ed.”</p>
<p>“See you, Thomas.”</p>
<p>The twins didn’t say anything in response. Not that Jaxx blamed them.</p>
<p>
  <em> Beep. </em>
</p>
<p>“OI! RYAN WAS IT MATE?”</p>
<p>“YEAH?”</p>
<p>“YOU’RE LOOKING FOR A DEMONIC-LOOKING GOAT-MAN WITH ONE HORN AND FUR ALL OVER EXCEPT FOR HALF HIS FACE! HE’S CLOSER TO THE GROUND, SO KEEP A LIGHT ON HIM AND DON’T HESITATE TO SHOOT ANY MINIONS HE’S MADE!”</p>
<p>
  <em> Bileep. </em>
</p>
<p>Muffled talk from Ryan’s walkie-talkie.</p>
<p>“Yeah Shane, we got a lead on ‘im. That goat-man is the target. Keep the cameras on. Hey, sleigh-riders? Feel free to have a break, we’ll take care of this!”</p>
<p>Jaxx shared a glance with the twins and they all shook their heads. </p>
<p>“It’s better than nothing.” He admitted.</p>
<p>“True, but you never know.” Ed pointed out.</p>
<p>“We’ll be able to head to Oxford if we let them out.” Ell shrugged, “If you really are that keen to get what you left behind, Jaxx.”</p>
<p>“Alright then,” he nodded, before looking back to the cop hovercar, “Ryan, Thomas gave you my number, right? Don’t hesitate to call us back in if you need to!”</p>
<p>The cop stuck a thumbs-up out the window before rejoining the rest of the flying patrol which now took the lead and flashed a spotlight down on Krampus underneath them.</p>
<p>The sleigh was left alone once again since Ell flew it out of the studio building. No minions, no Krampus, just the three siblings, Zanta’s sleigh and pack of skeleton reindeer.</p>
<p>“Just so we’re on the same page,” Ell held up a hand while flicking the reins with the other, “First, the Ryan guy didn’t look like a cop. No uniform, no dress code, not even their shitty civilian disguises. Doesn’t even sound like he’s from here either.”</p>
<p>“Probably some dumb journalist brought along for the ride.” Jaxx guessed. </p>
<p>“Maybe Shane is his cameraman or some other colleague.” Ed shrugged, “Though it's weird Uncle Thomas knows them.”</p>
<p>“Second,” Ell continued, “We’re collectively agreeing all those cops are bastards even though they’re helping us, right?”</p>
<p>“Oh, yeah. The fucking <em> worst </em>.” Jaxx nodded.</p>
<p>“Definitely.” Ed huffed, “We’re lucky Uncle Thomas, Matthew and even Thor decided to be nice to us.”</p>
<p>Jaxx guessed it made it a Christmas miracle in and of itself.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Okay, he kinda guessed the twins would be nice enough to drop him off at the university campus, but he <em> really </em>was hoping they wouldn’t let him off at the furthest place from his dorms. </p>
<p>Still. He reckoned he deserved it as he began to run to his block.</p>
<p>His chelsea doc boots pounded against the ground, breath constantly puffing in and out with every step, mind barely taking in any of the merry scenery or people around him.</p>
<p>He <em> had </em>to get the twins’ presents. How the fuck did he leave them behind? How could he forget them? For godsakes, he wanted to start the new ‘Tales of Henderson’ campaign with them as an introduction to tabletop RPGs, so why the fuck didn’t he take the chance over the whole time he’d been at their parents’ place?</p>
<p>Sure, there was the fact Cora needed an extra set of hands for deliveries when she got exhausted and needed time with Emily to recuperate behind dad’s back, and the twins hanging with Laurie more than him to help her flesh out her hacking program and support her in the aftermath of that horrifying prank from school, but all the other moments in-between… </p>
<p>He could’ve been better. </p>
<p>He could’ve been a better brother.</p>
<p>He could’ve been a better fucking person. </p>
<p>But it couldn’t be too late now. Perhaps there was still time. </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em> Skiiiid… Thump.  </em>
</p>
<p>“Room seventy-seven, room seventy-seven…” Jaxx mumbled, his body feeling like it was on fire as he staggered through the dorm block, “Right, there it is…”</p>
<p>His hands shook as he raised them to the keypad on the door. It wasn’t what the Richwells had where a password was said aloud and he’d be let in, but he felt safer with a keypad anyway.</p>
<p>
  <em> Beep beep beep… Beep. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>ACCESS GRANTED</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Thank god he didn’t forget the password. </p>
<p>He stumbled into the bedroom, almost falling as he opened drawers, overturned blankets and patted down pillows until…</p>
<p>
  <em> Click-clack-click-clack. </em>
</p>
<p>Gotcha.</p>
<p>Jaxx shoved two small bags into his coat pockets, almost leaving but came back to remake his bed.</p>
<p>“Huh! Never seen you do that before Jaxx! Bloody hell, what’s gotten into <em> you? </em>Making your bed, being tidy before you leave - what has your family done to you?”</p>
<p>Oh, right. His roommate. </p>
<p>Oli was leaning against the wall, fresh from whatever new VR game judging by the lifted headset. </p>
<p>…Something about him now didn’t seem to sit right with Jaxx. </p>
<p>“None of your business, Oliver. I didn’t come back to stay.”</p>
<p>Were his dark, messy hair and white button-up shirt <em> always </em>so oily and gross?</p>
<p>“Ooh, bit touchy are we? No ‘hey Oli’ or that sort?”</p>
<p>Did he <em> always </em>sound like some know-it-all shitty student film director instead of the fine arts critic he remembered?</p>
<p>“I <em> have </em>to go.” Jaxx huffed, “I only came back to pick up a few things I left behind.”</p>
<p>He finished remaking his bed and started heading for the open door.</p>
<p>“What’s the stuff for, your lame family you just got away from again?”</p>
<p>“Shut up Oliver.” He managed to keep walking despite fatigue now slamming his body.</p>
<p>“Seriously, is it for your coward little sisters?”</p>
<p>Jaxx was one foot out the door.</p>
<p>“Their coffee-coloured soft best friend?”</p>
<p>His fists clenched.</p>
<p>“Your bulldozer sister and her dumb twin? Ha!”</p>
<p>His ears rang as he stopped dead in his tracks.</p>
<p>“… What did you say?”</p>
<p>An icy chill burned up his spine. </p>
<p>“You know.”</p>
<p>He slowly turned to face his roommate. Was the sleazy look in his eyes <em> always </em> there?</p>
<p>“No, I don’t know. Oliver, what the <em> fuck </em>did you say?”</p>
<p>“I said your sisters and their best friend are soft cowards, your other sister’s a bulldozer and her twin is dum--ack!”</p>
<p>
  <em> Swish-thump! </em>
</p>
<p>“Jaxx please--ack! Can’t breathe! It was a joke! It was a joke, I’m joking!”</p>
<p>“Say it to my face one more <em> fucking </em>time, Oliver Triced.” Jaxx growled, low and cold, “Say the fucking joke.”</p>
<p>His eyes felt like they were burning from behind as he pinned Oliver’s ribcage to the wall with his right arm, but he wasn’t backing down as he dug in his elbow too. His left fist was up and aimed at his roommate’s face if he tried to break out. Oliver himself struggled for breath and tried to push Jaxx off, but he couldn’t. Too weak. The room became darker. </p>
<p>“That’s what I fucking thought, you shit.” Jaxx hissed at Triced, “I’m never fucking around with those sorts of jokes ever again. On top of that, don’t you fucking <em> dare </em>talk about my family like the way you did. For a start, my sisters and their best friend aren’t fucking cowards.</p>
<p>“Emily is soft but don’t you <em> dare </em> take it for a weakness. Calling her a drink is fucking <em> low</em>, you prick. I thought you’d be well past disrespecting people by their skin and heritage of colour; especially if they’re mixed. But apparently, you’re worse of a shithead than I thought. Em is the greatest friend Cora and Laurie could ever have and she is more than fucking deserving of independence from her parents. I can’t even begin to estimate how strong her faith is: I don’t even know if there’s a God in existence like she says, but all my research and hypothesising in Atomic Physics is making me second-guess <em> my teachers and myself </em> in <em> her </em> favour. <em> That’s </em> how compelling, genuine and honest she is as a person. I’d go far to say she’s probably better than all of us combined. Certainly <em> you.  </em></p>
<p>“Laurie’s the best baby sister I’ve had after Cora. If she weren’t so sweet and heard of this, she’d break into every account you have and ruin your life in a few minutes - she’s that good of a hacker. Give her a few months and I bet she’d even hack Phoenix tech to the ground and rebuild it for whatever she needed - for freedom or for fun, with or without help. And you and I both know how tight Phoenix Industries has their security, even when shut down with the drug ring investigation going on.</p>
<p>“Cora’s smarter than all of us in a way. Give her time and she’ll catch onto things nobody else will, and go after them without stopping. She’s basically a goddamn real-life Sherlock Holmes who’s better than bumblesnitch cumpberbums and she <em> will </em> get her chance to grow and earn her freedom, I know it, I just fucking <em> know </em> it. If she really was an eagle and she heard of your shit, she would <em> devour </em>you and your bones.” </p>
<p>“Okay, okay--agh! I get it!”</p>
<p>“Did I say I was fucking done Triced?” Jaxx growled, shoving his roommate into the wall even harder, making him wheeze more. </p>
<p>“N-no…”</p>
<p>“Of course I’m not. Elizabeth isn’t a bulldozer, but she’s got the strength of one and could a hundred-percent crush you into pieces. On top of that, she’s one of the bravest and most inventive women-- no, <em> people </em> I’ve ever known, and you know how I’ve made many good friends with geniuses on this campus. Ell didn’t have to fly a sleigh, insult the Christmastime Killer without dying and trick him multiple times to prove her bravery and smarts, but <em> she fucking did</em>. For context, the Christmastime Killer is a fucking goat-man who may as well be a demon. I’ll let you put two and two together, if you even can.</p>
<p>“Edward is just as clever, courageous and empathetic as his twin and everything he’s done tonight so far has convinced me of it: he rediscovered family history in the goat-man’s lair and shot a candy-cane cannon in the bastard’s face after beating the shit out of his minions. Hell, he even saved our cousins when they probably didn't deserve it and <em> broke off a horn from the goat-man’s head while he did it</em>. Fuck, he’s the best damn brother I could have. And he is a fully functioning human being thank you! Just because he functions differently to everyone else doesn’t make him dumb or incapable of having a soul, unlike <em> you </em> apparently!” </p>
<p>“Agh, okay! <em> Wheeze </em>-- You made your point, let me go!”</p>
<p>“And you know when Ed found the family history?” Jaxx growled, his whole body trembling with rage as the wall behind Oliver Triced started to crack, “Me and my siblings are descended from men who massacred bastard clones of themselves, cancelled zombie apocalypses, went to hell <em> for a vacation </em> and saved Christmas <em> multiple times</em>. And I’ll be damned if we can’t do the same, but we’ve been fucking doing it tonight and we’re gonna fucking finish the job. </p>
<p>“We’re not our ancestors, but they sure as fucking hell haven’t burned, punched, shot and broke the horn of a demonic goat-man off his head. So don’t you ever <em> dare </em>talk shit about my family and their friends again! I’m not the man you used to know Triced. I’ve fucked up before, but I’m not sitting by and letting it stay that way any longer.”</p>
<p>Only then did Jaxx let Oliver Triced go from the wall, watching him clutch his chest, gasping and puffing for air on his knees. Jaxx shook his head, pushed his glasses up and headed back to the open door as the darkness lifted from the room.</p>
<p>“Please!” Triced wheezed from the floor, his greasy slimy self staining the carpet, “I… I’m sorry… Are we still cool?”</p>
<p>But Jaxx could see past the messy dark brown hair and shallow eyes now. Still. It was Christmas. There was still a chance.</p>
<p>“Only if you can change, Triced.”</p>
<p>“Then… Can we still be friends?”</p>
<p>“Friends? Huh, why would I need a ‘friend’ like <em> you </em> when I’ve got better and more loving people to be with?”</p>
<p>The door slid shut behind Jaxx as he stormed into the hallway and out of the building.</p>
<hr/>
<p>“Jaxx? Hey, earth to Jackson Gold, you alive?”</p>
<p>“Wh-what?” Jaxx shook himself awake for probably the third time since he collapsed back into the sleigh, “Oh God, I’m so tired. Sorry Ell…”</p>
<p>“No no, it’s okay. It’s just… Are you?”</p>
<p>“Am I… What?”</p>
<p>“Are you okay?”</p>
<p>“Oh. I mean, I guess…”</p>
<p>“Look,” Ell shook her head, “I’ve let you have a few naps on here since you came back but… Ed noticed something’s up.”</p>
<p>Jaxx sat up straight at the mention of his brother.</p>
<p>“We flew near the dorm window, listening to your conversation with your roommate.” Ed huffed with arms folded, anger in his eyes, “But it doesn’t make sense with what you said earlier tonight. Can’t bloody well believe you made such awful jokes about us behind our backs…”  </p>
<p>Guilt panged in Jaxx’s chest as he watched his brother look away, shifting to lean farther from him despite their sister between them. </p>
<p>Fuck. How was he gonna talk to him now?</p>
<p>“Ell--”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Look. I know my help would work a million wonders for both of you but… I… I can’t keep doing this for the rest of my life. You’re both grown-ass adults who can get their own shit together without someone in-between as a mediator all the time. Doesn’t matter if I’m his twin…” He noticed her voice trying not to break, “But you need to do this by yourselves. Besides, I’m flying the sleigh and need to focus.”</p>
<p>Jaxx knew Ell didn’t mean to be so blunt, but looking at her… She must’ve been as tired as he <em> felt</em>. Checking his phone, it was only <em> half past ten </em>in the night when it felt like forever.</p>
<p>So yeah. He didn’t blame her. </p>
<p>Now… How was he gonna do this alone?</p>
<p>Maybe…</p>
<p>“You don’t need to talk back to me if you don’t want to, Ed.” </p>
<p>The younger twin squirmed in his seat, trying to pull himself further away.</p>
<p>“But I know we can’t ignore what’s just happened or what I’m saying. … Or what I said on the walk earlier. I… I didn’t realise what shit I’d been spewing out then. I wasn’t watching my words and was still stuck in stress mode from a lot of things. They’re all decent reasons, but… They’re not <em> excuses </em> as to why I was so shitty. And I <em> was</em>. I was so shitty and cynical and angry at everything which wasn’t for or about me. </p>
<p>“I don’t believe I was thinking properly, but I probably believed I had a reason to be a pessimistic, selfish dickhead when I got the first chance away from dad or his shit. Maybe I did. But the shit I said is on <em> me </em> and <em> me alone </em>. I’m not gonna deny it. I started hating Christmas just for the sheer fact we always had shit happen every year that…  Fuck, that we all never properly dealt with in time for new year’s.</p>
<p>“I know I meant all the shit I exploded about on the walk, but I don’t…  I don’t… I don’t stand by those words anymore. When I blew up at my roommate - well, maybe an ex-roommate - but when I blew up at him after he insulted you, I meant every word I said there too. You aren’t dumb; you’re clever, courageous, empathetic, inventive, sensitive and a whole lot more than what I said. A-and, sensitivity especially isn’t a bad thing. I know you’ve gotten better with handling it over the years, but I get it. It hurts when it's hurt. It isn’t always easy to recover. Especially when I crossed the line. And I fucking <em> did.</em>”</p>
<p>No movement from his brother. Jaxx sighed before continuing.</p>
<p>“I know an apology probably isn’t what you’d want, but…  I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’ve been such a dickhead. I’m sorry I crossed the line. I mean it when I say I’m gonna be better. Not <em> try. </em> I <em> am </em>gonna be better. Tonight’s changed my whole world around and… God this is gonna hurt, but I mean it when I say you’re right. And… I’ve been wrong.</p>
<p>“You’re right about the good of Christmas. I’d been so bitter about the past repeating itself I didn’t see how the present could be different enough to affect the future. I… I don’t know how the fuck you’ve done it every year, but you’ve made Christmas <em> a joy </em> for all of us in one way or another. I still even have the dice set you gave me last year, heh… Look, even when all I did was shit on Christmas, you’re just… You’re right. Fuck, I don’t have any other words, just… You’re right. You’re right about Christmas - hell, all the holidays at this time - for all the reasons you said and so much more. Maybe I might have been right too at some point with all my shitting, but tonight’s changed everything for me. You’re right and I’ve been wrong. I’ll take that one and eat my own hat for all the shit I’ve said. I’m gonna do better by you. I’ll… I’ll be in the back of the sleigh if you want to keep talking so we don’t distract Ell. I also have something for you… If you want it.”</p>
<p>Jaxx slowly stood, carefully climbing out and over his seat and into the much colder back. He didn’t know how long Ed would take to get over here and himself, but Jaxx could wait. Didn't matter if it was minutes or hours. It’d be okay. He didn’t even mind the weird long stick-like thing he was sitting on - probably the ‘something else’ Zanta had mentioned earlier. </p>
<p>
  <em> Creaak. Bump, bump, thump. </em>
</p>
<p>“Hey Ed. Welcome to the secret bunk-- <em> oh.</em>”</p>
<p>His voice failed him when he saw his brother’s face. It suddenly took a <em> lot </em> of effort to keep <em> himself </em> from breaking into tears and not be reminded of when they were both kids in the playground, being knocked around and trying to defend each other till Ell showed up so they could all fight the bullies off. </p>
<p>He carefully pulled his brother into a hug, rubbing his back a little as Ed wept into his shoulder. </p>
<p>“I mean it,” Jaxx swallowed, trying to keep his voice level as they let go, “Every word of just now. You’re right. You’re right about everything, Ed. No need to explain yourself any further. I’m going to be better and I mean it. I’m going to change. I guess tonight really has been some sort of… Miracle, hasn’t it?”</p>
<p>Ed hesitated, but nodded and sniffled after, wiping his face with a hoodie sleeve.</p>
<p>“There’s something else I want to tell you, Ed. There is bloody nobody else I’d rather be with on this adventure than you and Ell. Not mum and dad, or our uni friends or even Cora, Laurie and Emily. …Okay, maybe it’d be nice to have those three along, but this is <em> our </em>night tonight. I’m happy with who’s with me right now and I wouldn’t change it for the world.”</p>
<p>He reached into his pocket.</p>
<p>
  <em> Click-clack.  </em>
</p>
<p>Yeah, those were the right ones. Jaxx could tell.</p>
<p>“Merry Christmas, Ed. Had commissioned these for you, custom-made.”</p>
<p>Ed gingerly took the small bag and pulled open the drawstrings, letting the dice fall into his hand.</p>
<p>Their corners had been rounded off a fair amount, especially on the d4, but the edges and sides were still solid and straight, just as were any balanced resin-cast dice. The inside of them had drops of red dye and warm gold mica pigments which looked like a galaxy, topped off with bright gold inking on the numbers.</p>
<p>Ed especially started fiddling with the d20 between his fingers, holding it up to the moonlight and constantly turning it around and around, almost mesmerised.</p>
<p>“You like ‘em?”</p>
<p>“… They’re beautiful. You sure they aren’t made of gemstones?”</p>
<p>“To be honest, I think questions like those are how dice goblins like me get started.” Jaxx chuckled, before motioning his brother closer to whisper, “By the way, Ell’s got a set from me too, but don’t tell her. I’ve got a whole campaign planned for the both of you, but I solemnly swear that as the DM of many games past - if neither of you want to go past the oneshot, you won’t have to.”</p>
<p>“… I guess it sounds pretty swell.” Ed nodded after a moment, “By the way, shouldn’t you apologise to Ell too?”</p>
<p>“You don’t need to,” She called out, “I heard everything down there till you whispered whatever you did. Apology accepted!”</p>
<p>Perfect. Ell didn't suspect a thing as she cracked the reins. Jaxx stood to return to his seat, but Ed grabbed his wrist.</p>
<p>“Wanna use the candy-cannon when we next fight the goat?”</p>
<p>“... Holy Christ sleeping in a stable, you serious Ed?”</p>
<p>“Yeah!” He stood along with Jaxx, picking up the heavy weaponry and handing it to his brother. “I mean it. I can take your uzi if you want. The recoil on the cannon isn’t actually as bad as the size makes it out to be. And I’m sure the uzi recoil isn’t too bad either, I can handle it. Must’ve been magicked up by Zanta anyway.”</p>
<p>“Ed, are you sure about this?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I mean it.”</p>
<p>“Holy shit, Ed, thank you…” Jaxx could barely believe his eyes as he gently set the cannon onto his seat, “You really don’t have to.”</p>
<p>“Oh yes,” Ed nodded as he and his brother came back to their seats, now holding a longish dark object, presumably Zanta’s ‘something else’ they must’ve both been sitting on, “Definitely. I do. Wait, Ell?”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Where did you get the hat?”</p>
<p>“What hat?”</p>
<p>“The Santa hat on your head.” Jaxx deadpanned, but failed to stay serious as he chuckled.</p>
<p>“From the glovebox. D’you think I look cool?”</p>
<p>The brothers shared a look before nodding.</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“Definitely.”</p>
<p>“Absolute--”</p>
<p>
  <em> Brrrring brrring…  </em>
</p>
<p>“Who the hell is calling me at this hour…” Jaxx shook his head while pulling out his phone, “Doesn’t look like a number I’d know. Hello?”</p>
<p>“Hey, is this Jaxx Gold? From the sleigh? Am I on speaker?”</p>
<p>“Yeees, that’s me. Wait a minute, Ryan, right? And hold on… Yeah, you’re on speaker now.”</p>
<p>“Listen Jaxx, I’m not Ryan. I’m his buddy Shane.”</p>
<p>“… Where’s Ryan?” </p>
<p>“Ryan’s right next to me in our car trying to calm down from something we saw.” Shane’s voice was strangely level while clearly holding back fear, “he handed me his phone and told me to call you.”</p>
<p>“… What’s going on?”</p>
<p>“We’ve got a situation at the building your sister found the Christmastime Killer in. We need your help.”</p>
<p><em> Uh-oh. </em> </p>
<hr/>
<p>It wasn’t long till they returned to the old studio building where it all began. </p>
<p>Jaxx’s fatigue began to wear off as the sleigh stooped low, hovering just above the parked cop cars surrounding the building’s entrance. For all he and the twins knew, Shane and Ryan could be anywhere.</p>
<p>Car doors were still left open. Red-and-blue lights were still flashing. Krampus’ minions were strewn everywhere on the grounds, more than he’d seen before, all of them either dead or dying. His heart rattled in his chest when he saw the blood in the snow leading to the open front doors…  </p>
<p>
  <em> Something had gone horribly wrong.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Brrring brrring…  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Boop. </em>
</p>
<p>“Hello?”</p>
<p>“Jaxx? It’s Shane again. You’re on speaker so Ryan can talk to you when he’s ready.”</p>
<p>“Good to know, so are you so my siblings can too. Look, can you see us?”</p>
<p>“Oh <em> yeah</em>, we can see you. Dear God, I thought Ryan was kidding when he was talking about your sleigh with the skeleton reindeer, but <em> damn</em>. You sure it isn’t a wild feat of engineering or something from Phoenix?”</p>
<p>“Nope.” Ell butted in, “Phoenix <em> wishes </em> they had this, but you know. <em> Their </em> investigation. Anyway, where are you guys? I don’t think we can see you.”</p>
<p>“Your sister, right Jaxx?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I am her.”</p>
<p>“Gotcha. We’re in the one car who’s got all the doors shut and locked. You can’t seriously find us?”</p>
<p>“Nothing Shane,” Jaxx shook his head, “You and Ryan did the right thing finding each other and locking up when… Well, whatever happened, happened.”</p>
<p>“Wait.” Ell motioned for the phone before Jaxx gave it to her, “Can one of you drive?”</p>
<p>“Shane can,” Ryan managed with a slightly shaky voice, “he’s in the driver’s seat.”</p>
<p>“Listen,” Ell’s voice became gentle yet stern, “You <em> need </em> to get out of here <em> now. </em>My brothers and I will handle this from here. I don’t care what orders were given, you need to leave.”</p>
<p>“Shouldn’t you be leaving too?” Shane wondered.</p>
<p>“You’re talking to three people in a magical fucking sleigh who’ve chased that asshole for longer than the cops have!” Ryan snapped.</p>
<p>“Hey, he’s out of the spooked funk!”</p>
<p>“Shut up.”</p>
<p>Jaxx pinched the bridge of his nose, trying not to snap back. Glancing past an equally annoyed and glaring Ell, he saw Ed roll his eyes and shake his head. <em> Mood. </em></p>
<p>“Listen.” Ell tried again, huffing, “It doesn’t matter about us. What matters is you guys have to get the fuck outta here alive and safe. I’ve faced that goat-man in person and both of my brothers have enough saltiness and firepower alone to kick his ass without me.”</p>
<p>The look in her face sent shivers down Jaxx’s spine. It wasn’t something she wore often, but when she did… </p>
<p>
  <em> Yikes. </em>
</p>
<p>“Alright, we’ll get going,” Ryan exhaled loudly from the other end, “But we’ll do some aerial recon for you as we go, if it’s any help.”</p>
<p>“Psh, we don’t--”</p>
<p>Jaxx elbowed his sister. </p>
<p>“Ow! Jaxx, c’mon. Why not?”</p>
<p>He shook his head.</p>
<p>“Alright… Okay. Let us know if you guys see anything down below. We’ll be looking too.”</p>
<p>Behind Jaxx and to the left, one of the cop cars started its engine and rose up off the ground, doors shut.</p>
<p>“I can see you now,” said Jaxx, “You’ll go anti-clockwise and we’ll go clockwise?”</p>
<p>“Rock and rolling anti-clockwise, buckaroos!” Shane confirmed.</p>
<p>
  <em> Yeah, definitely not Brits, let alone cops.  </em>
</p>
<p>“I’ll… I’ll listen on the radio for anything new,” Ryan added, “No Shane, it’s not the spirit box, it’s the cops’ stuff. I’m still picking up signals, but they’re not coming in clear yet.”</p>
<p>“Spirit box?” Jaxx wondered.</p>
<p>“From our paranormal show,” said Ryan, “Long story.”</p>
<p>Ell gently flicked the reins and led the deer slowly to the left.</p>
<p>Jaxx tried not to crush his phone as he took it back from his sister and let the call keep going, but he needed to hold <em> something </em>to stop his hands from shaking… </p>
<p>“Hey guys?” Ed spoke up, not even halfway through their first loop, “What’s that coming out behind the building?” </p>
<p>“Oh yeah, I see it too,” Ryan confirmed, “On your right. Wait, are those the cops? I thought they must’ve died in the building!”</p>
<p>“Huh!” Shane snickered, “It’s like one of those old vans from a hundred years ago!”</p>
<p>Down below and in front of a group of shambling cops, was a dirty pinkish-grey shell of some vehicle trundling in the snow.  </p>
<p>“I’ll get a closer look,” Ell decided, “You two stay back. Ryan, anything on the cop radios?”</p>
<p>“Not yet, but gimme a moment and I might tune into the right frequency.”</p>
<p>From what Jaxx could see, the cops were bloody and bashed, somehow still staggering through the snow and after the van. </p>
<p>“How the fuck are those guys still alive?” He muttered, “And what’s with all the goddamn moaning? It isn’t clear from here, but... ”</p>
<p>“Moaning?!” Ryan blurted, “I’ve caught it on a frequency too!”</p>
<p>“Well let us hear it!”</p>
<p>“Ooh, kinky!”</p>
<p>“Shane, that’s not what I fucking meant. Here, take a listen.”</p>
<p>The sounds were staticky from radio to phone, but the deep, droning moans playing over the call were <em> instantly </em>recognisable to Jaxx and the twins. They’d seen enough films and heard enough of the family stories to know what happened to those cops.</p>
<p>The trio shared a look and shook their heads, Ell <em> especially </em>looking extra grim.</p>
<p>“I guess we know <em> how </em>Krampus cursed Zanta eleven hundred years ago.”</p>
<p>Jaxx shuddered.</p>
<p>
  <em> Fuck. </em>
</p>
<p>Still, it wasn’t enough. Ell led the deer closer to the van, just enough to hear it clunking and bumping through the snow. </p>
<p>There were large pieces in the back of the van, but Jaxx couldn’t figure out for the life of him as to what the fuck they were. Meanwhile, the figure driving at the van’s wheel was hunched over, their head looking… Well, not-human. </p>
<p>“That’s fucking Krampus alright,” Jaxx mumbled, “But why would he…”</p>
<p>Even before they got closer, he realised the van kinda looked similar to some old illustrations their dad made from one story about…</p>
<p>Wait a <em> fucking </em> minute.</p>
<p>Oh no. </p>
<p>
  <em> Oh. No.  </em>
</p>
<p><em> Oh… </em> <b> <em>No.</em> </b> </p>
<p>“What’s going on, sleigh gang?”</p>
<p>“Ryan, Shane, I think it’s <em> really </em> your cue to leave. Look, I don’t know how to explain this, but things might get <em> very </em>hairy soon. Those guys aren’t cops anymore, and Krampus driving that van is more bad news than you think.”</p>
<p>“Jaxx, how the fuck--?”</p>
<p>“Shane, let’s not question it.” </p>
<p>“Ryan, I am absolutely questioning it--”</p>
<p>“Alright! Good luck to you three,” Ryan sighed, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but we’re taking your word for it. Happy holidays. Hope you guys get out of this alive.”</p>
<p>“Thanks.” Jaxx nodded, “You guys better stay safe this Christmas.”</p>
<p>“Oh definitely, we will.” Shane chuckled, “Though I think Ryan may need a new pair of pants as a present.”</p>
<p>“Shane?”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Shut the fuck up.”</p>
<p>“Never!” </p>
<p>
  <em> Beep.  </em>
</p>
<p>The van kept trudging through the snow. </p>
<p>“Jaxx, what the fuck were you talking about with Krampus in the van?” Ell wondered as the hovercar flew away.</p>
<p>“Ed,” Jaxx tried to think, “You know that <em> one </em>Christmas story, right?”</p>
<p>“…Which one?”</p>
<p>The van came to a stop. Zombified ex-cops started to surround it.</p>
<p>“Come on…” Jaxx growled, trying to remember while snapping his fingers, “Dad even illustrated moments of it. The one where Zanta’s sleigh was supposedly destroyed when Thomas Richwells the First rode it on the second or third time our ancestors met up with him. Surely, you remember that story, right?”</p>
<p>“…Shit,” Ed frowned with wide eyes, “I get what you’re talking about with the van being a thing but I can’t quite remember what it was! Dammit, what happened…”</p>
<p>Jaxx’s shaking hands turned into rapidly bouncing legs. He even noticed Ell’s grip on the reins getting tighter. Out the corner of his eye, he saw the zombies breaking through the van windows.</p>
<p>“Come on, come on!” His frown deepened and he rapped his knuckles on the sleigh edge as he tried to remember, “What the fuck was it called?!”</p>
<p>
  <em> CLANK! Whrrrrrrrr… </em>
</p>
<p>An icy shiver zipped up Jaxx’s spine.</p>
<p>
  <em> Thwooop… shzooom! </em>
</p>
<p>He didn’t want to look down below… no, right before him… </p>
<p>
  <em> Shhhzoom! Shhzoom! CLACK-Whiiirrrr… CLANK! CRASH! CRASH! SHLACK! </em>
</p>
<p>Zombies thumped, thumped, thumped to the ground, falling off the giant metal beast which now stood before Zanta’s sleigh.</p>
<p>Steel head with angry window-eyes. Missile-launchers raised out the shoulders. Two giant red arms had broken through the sides of the rectangular body underneath the original grey ones: all of them ready to strike. </p>
<p>A pair of red metal horns piercing through the top of the boxy head made all the more flair for the Christmastime Killer. </p>
<p>“Son of a motherless fucking goat…” Ell managed, the giant mech making eye contact over them, “The Boxmas Bot. They called it the Boxmas Bot.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well! It's been a long-ass time, but now university is done for the rest of the year and now I can get back to releasing the last of this story, from today onwards. At the time of releasing this chapter, I am up to the second major section of chapter nine, but I can promise you I WILL get it out on Christmas Eve my time. </p>
<p>Fair warning, you thought this chapter was long? It's all gonna get longer from here. </p>
<p>And if you're wondering if 'Oliver Triced' sounds like someone you know, you're right in a sense. And for a hint: no his name isn't an anagram of Tord. Ed's already taken that expy and colour role.</p>
<p>See you tomorrow for a Boxmas Bot Riot!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. ELL</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Ell follows an unused path of history... but not to the tee.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Of course the mech surrounded by loyal zombies was a monstrosity when Krampus was in the pilot seat, but Ell was unsettled for a wholly different reason. </p><p>Whatever this feeling was, it stirred up a strange familiarity in her chest. Sure, this had NEVER happened in her life (or her brothers’ lives) before and probably wouldn’t after, but it was like she was <em> meant </em>to stare up at a giant fucking robot in this near-exact situation. </p><p>Perhaps the event should’ve happened long, long ago - before her time. Yet, destiny had other plans and shoved it out of the way, only to let it happen now at this point of the timeline. It wasn’t this exact robot, it wasn’t this exact time, it wasn’t this exact situation, maybe not the exact people, but it was happening now and Ell couldn’t fully let the feeling pass. </p><p>Why? She didn’t know. But nor did she care. One thing was certain: She wasn’t going down without a fight.</p><p>“Ell?” Ed whispered, “What’s the plan?”</p><p>“Guys, hold tight to your weapons and get ready to shoot when I say so. Do you trust me?”</p><p>A shared glance between her brothers, then a nod. She smirked.</p><p>“HEY, YOU DEMON FUCK!” She hollered, standing on the seat, “IS A GIANT ROBOT AND A PACK OF ZOMBIES REALLY ALL YOU GOT?”</p><p><em> “</em>Ell!” Jaxx hissed, “What the fuck?!”</p><p>Oh, she <em> knew </em> what the hell she was doing. Ell folded her arms and rolled her head around once, trying to look unamused at the not-so-distant sight of a cursing and raving Krampus behind the window-eyes. Not even the rumble of zombies below would deter her. </p><p>“I’M SORRY, I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER THE AMOUNT OF <em> BULLSHIT </em> YOU’RE SPEWING IN THERE, GOAT-MAN! I THOUGHT YOU FUCKIN’ <em> KNEW </em>WHAT YOU WERE DOING!”</p><p>Undead groans became undead yells.</p><p>“Jesus Christ of Nazareth, Ell!”</p><p>“I’m not him, but go on, Jaxx.”</p><p>“D-Gah--! Ell! Please stop, you’re gonna get us killed!”</p><p>“No I’m not. OI! SPEAK UP YA DAMN COWARD! WE CAN’T FUCKIN HEAR YOU AND YOUR LAME SHIT-TALK FROM HEEEEERE!”</p><p>More rampaging from inside the cockpit and even more zombie roars down below - she was getting somewhere!</p><p>“Ell please!” Even Ed was shaking her arm, “Stop! You’re getting him madder!”</p><p>“EXCUSE ME KRAMPY, WHAT DID YOU SAY? I TOLD YOU TO <em> SPEAK UP! </em> YA WORTHLESS, PISS-NOG DRINKING PUSSY!”</p><p>“Good Lord, this is <em> worse </em>than what the Richwells’ could come up with…”</p><p>“You don’t say, Oxford…” </p><p>The goat <em> thrashed </em>himself around back and forth between the windows, his arms waving maniacally over what probably was the control panel. </p><p>She carefully took hold of the reins and repositioned her feet, letting the reindeer raise the sleigh higher and higher till she was eye level with the Boxmas Bot’s windows. Down below, she spotted a good chunk of the hoarde now standing where they used to be and reaching out, growling and yelling and gargling and all those other horrible noises.</p><p>
  <em> Almost there. </em>
</p><p>“OH WHAT? YOU GONNA SIT THERE AND SCREAM LIKE A NAUGHTY KID YOU CAN’T EVEN CAPTURE AND EAT? DOING NOTHING LIKE THE EXPIRED FRUITCAKE YOU AND YOUR SHITTY KNOCKOFF ZOMBIES ARE? OR ARE YOU GONNA FIGHT US, FUCKER?! <em> COME AND GET IT!” </em></p><p>“YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHH!”</p><p>“BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIINS!”</p><p>
  <em> STOMP. STOMP-- </em>
</p><p>
  <em> WHIRRRRRRR-- </em>
</p><p>
  <em> WHIP-CRACK! </em>
</p><p>She <em> charged. </em></p><p>“ELL!”</p><p>
  <em> No way was she gonna die here.  </em>
</p><p>She <em> YANKED </em> the reins up, causing the sleigh to shoot straight down, dodging the Boxmas Bot’s swinging arms and sharply zipping through the legs to right behind it; cop zombies trying to follow in their rampage below.</p><p>“FIREEEEEE!”</p><hr/><p>
  <em> Clackclackclackclackclack-- </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Schreaaak-BOOM! </em>
</p><p>Ell dipped the sleigh lower to the ground as her brothers fired at the zombie cops and the Boxmas Bot respectively. </p><p>The cops snarled and grasped below as Ed gunned away at them - some of the zombies who hadn’t fallen from the uzi even had their hands and heads skimmed gruesomely by the runners of the sleigh. Though, Ell might have well called them <em> blades </em> due to the blood she saw <em> splatter </em> across the snow. It was a wonder none of it flew up in their faces.</p><p>“ELL! On your right!”</p><p>
  <em> Whirrrrrrrrrrr! </em>
</p><p>“I’m on it Jaxx!”</p><p>She jerked the reins, <em>weaving </em>the sleigh tightly between the stomping feet of the Boxmas Bot and slipping tightly to right behind it. Unfortunately, where Krampus couldn’t see them, the zombie hoarde would. </p><p>“What’s the plan, Ell?” Ed asked, holding fire. </p><p>“I’m still trying to figure it out…”</p><p>Honestly? She didn’t know. All she had in mind was to disturb Krampus’s thinking with rage, slaughter zombies and take down the Boxmas Bot, but she didn’t have a clear idea on <em> how. </em></p><p>She didn’t notice the deer were still going forward until…  </p><p>
  <em> CHA-BOOM! </em>
</p><p>“What the fu…  GUYS! DUCK!”</p><p>
  <em> Whip-CRACK! </em>
</p><p>The sleigh <em> yanked </em>down and left by the deer, skimming fast on the top of the snow as what looked like a long, slim rocket barely ZOOMED over their heads. </p><p>
  <em> BOOM! </em>
</p><p>It didn’t take long for Ell to smell burning trees and smoke.</p><p>“The mother<em> fucker </em> ,” Jaxx growled as he stood up on his seat, “Has got <em> active missiles </em> in the shoulders! Thought a hundred fucking years would render them useless!” </p><p>“Great.” Ell groaned, “We’ll be fucking spotted by the whole bloody city.” </p><p>“Son of a bitch!” Ed shook his head, “At this rate, we might <em> need </em> to pull out the other gun.”</p><p>Ell stared in shock.</p><p>“The <em> other </em>gun?!”</p><p>“Ed, when the fuck was there<em> another </em>gun?!”</p><p>“Look, not now! We gotta figure out a plan!”</p><p>“Rrrraaaaaggggghhhh…”</p><p>“Ooh, Ed?” Ell pointed behind her brother, “Undead at six o’clock.”</p><p>“How the hell…?” Ed rolled his eyes and turned to fire behind him. On the other hand, maybe Ell shouldn’t have gotten the sleigh so close to the ground… </p><p>
  <em> Clackclackclackclackclack! </em>
</p><p>“Raagh!”</p><p>
  <em> Thump. </em>
</p><p>“Okay,” she puffed, “We need a fucking plan apart from not dying. I’m stuck. Any ideas?”</p><p>
  <em> Schreaaak-BOOM! </em>
</p><p>…What was Jaxx shooting at?</p><p>“Err, guys? Take a look up this way.”</p><p>“You got any ideas Oxford?”</p><p>“What’s up Jaxx?”</p><p>“That red robot arm,” he pointed above their heads and to the side as they drifted underneath the legs, “is what’s up.” </p><p>“What am I looking for?”</p><p>“Hold on Oxford… Ohhhhh, I see it!”</p><p>“Ed, I can’t.” Ell shook her head, “What’s the deal with it?”</p><p>“Screw it,” Ed huffed, snatching the reins from Ell’s hands, “I’ll fly us up.”</p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>“Ell, trust me,” he handed her the uzi, “Take a turn with the guns this time, I can handle it from here.”</p><p>“C’mon, let him do it,” Jaxx jumped into the back, “and look under the right red arm!”</p><p>
  <em> Whirrrrrrrrrrr! </em>
</p><p>“Ah! ED!”</p><p>
  <em> Whip-crack! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> STOMP. </em>
</p><p>Ed’s flying was <em> way </em> too close for comfort.</p><p>“For fucksakes, let me take the reins Ed!”</p><p>“Ell, no! You didn’t even see what’s with the red arm, did you?!”</p><p>“Ed, give me the reins.”</p><p>“You didn’t see the red arm!”</p><p>“Give me the reins!”</p><p>“<em>No.</em>”</p><p>Ell took a step back. </p><p>She’d <em> never </em> really seen the resemblance between Ed and Dad for all her life, but <em> the look </em>he had… </p><p>Holy <em> shit. </em></p><p>“Ell,” Jaxx tugged on her wrist from behind, his voice gentle and firm as mum’s, “C’mon. Get into the back with me. Let him fly the sleigh.”</p><p>She did. </p><p>“Look,” Ed exhaled, “I’m sorry. However, now you kinda know how I feel when you fly the sleigh.”</p><p>“Excuse me--”</p><p>“Ell, I need to do the flying this time. You can have the other gun if you want.”</p><p>“Seriously Ed,” Jaxx shook his head, “what’s this about another gun--”</p><p>
  <em> CHA-BOOM! </em>
</p><p>“Dammit,” Ed hissed, “We drifted into Krampus’ line of sight again!”</p><p>“Ell, get down!”</p><p>“Gah, Jaxx--!”</p><p>
  <em> Thump!  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Whip-CRACK! </em>
</p><p>Ell was knocked to the floor by Jaxx as another missile zipped past their heads, the sleigh jerking right and turning back around to hover behind the Boxmas Bot, all of its four arms flailing around with rage. </p><p>
  <em> BOOM! </em>
</p><p>“Not <em> again, </em> ” Ell grumbled, “Seriously, we’re getting more attention than we need. And Ed, what do you mean by <em> another </em> gun?”</p><p>“Check on my left. Jaxx has a chance of telling us what kind it is and how to use it.”</p><p>“Holy shit, Ed! How didn’t we use this thing earlier?!”</p><p>“What?” Ell swallowed, re-straightening her Santa hat, watching her older brother turn the firearm around in his hands, “What kind of gun is it, Jaxx?”</p><p>
  <em> Chk-chk. </em>
</p><p>Her heart skipped a beat. By the look on his face, so did Ed’s. </p><p>“A pump action ithaca stakeout shotgun,” Jaxx announced, the biggest grin beaming from his face as he turned it around in his hands, “By the looks of things, we have ...Six shells total, five on the stock and one in the barrel.”</p><p>“Zanta’s <em> something else </em>!” Ell realised, “Oh my god, I’m so glad we didn’t use it earlier.”</p><p>“Better now than never,” Jaxx nodded, “Say Ed? Can you get close to the red arm now?”</p><p>“Krampus has bloody stopped flailing around, hopefully he doesn’t fire another missile or turn to see us. But yeah, I can.”</p><p>“Seriously, what’s about this arm?!” Ell protested, “It’s still connected and moving from the Boxmas Bot controls!”</p><p>Just as she said it, sparks flew from the joint area and the arm seemed to fritz for a moment before it stopped moving entirely, locked in position.</p><p>“Ell.” Ed’s voice went quiet as he edged the sleigh closer, “We all saw it break out from the sides. It’s not part of the original build. Therefore, it’s not integrated properly. The arm’s coming loose and screwing up. See? There’s <em> a gap. </em>”</p><p>“The gap,” Jaxx continued, quiet as his brother, “Is large enough for one of us to sneak in through there and take Krampus out <em> from the inside.</em>”</p><p>Now.</p><p>Now she had a clear plan. </p><p>“...I’m <em> definitely </em> taking the shotgun.”</p><hr/><p>Jaxx grabbed her shoulders and turned her to face him.</p><p>“Ell, before you go in there to blow the goat’s brains out, I <em> need </em>to teach you how to use the shotgun.”</p><p>“Why? It’s a <em> shotgun</em>. I know how they work.”</p><p>“Excuse me, who’s the one who handled live firearms, especially this kind, in a specifically controlled gun arena in the US over this summer?”</p><p>“...Goddammit.”</p><p>“I know, I know. But hey, I’ll try to make it quick. First, this is not your usual double-barrel shotgun. It's a single barrel.”</p><p>“Shit. Does it mean I have to reload after <em> every </em>shot?”</p><p>“Not exactly. To reload it,” he started to mime the actions on the gun, “you take a shell off the stock here and push it into the bottom, this gap right here, you getting this?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Right. You take a shell off, you load it into the bottom towards you, push it in with your thumb, pull the pump--”</p><p>“Cock it, right? The chk-chk thing?”</p><p>“Yep. Then you fire and repeat once empty.” He handed the gun to her, “You have to be careful, Ell. The good and bad news is that you only have six shots, including the one in the barrel right now. You can load up to four and have to pump after each shot, but I wouldn’t recommend it.”</p><p>
  <em> Fuck.  </em>
</p><p>“Actually,” Ed butted in, reaching into his coat pockets, “you can use this when your bullets are used up!”</p><p>“Shells,” Jaxx corrected him, “But it’s alright, you didn’t know.”</p><p>“Oh. Well, same difference.”</p><p>“Ed, no-- ah, nevermind. Sure.”</p><p>“But yeah, you can use this!”</p><p>“Krampus’s horn?” Ell took it from her twin after slinging the shotgun strap over her head and shoulder, “Why?”</p><p>“Stabbing purposes!”</p><p>Ell couldn’t help but chuckle. Sure her twin was often super blunt, but hey. He was proud of it and so was she. </p><p>“Wait, are those shells made of coal, Jaxx?”</p><p>“Hang on, let me… Yeah, they are, Ed. Like the uzi-- wait a minute!”</p><p>
  <em> Flick. Flick flick. </em>
</p><p>“A zippo lighter, Oxford?”</p><p>“Ohhhhhhh,” Ell caught on, “I could burn the used shells as a kinda flame projectile!” </p><p>“Thank God for Will Richwells saving our ass,” Jaxx sighed in relief, handing it over. “Yeah, you could burn something if you wanted to.”</p><p>
  <em> Crackle crackle zap! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Whirrrrrr…  </em>
</p><p>Shit. The arm was trying to move. </p><p>She looked to the gap, then back at the sleigh.</p><p>“I dunno, guys… Maybe I should stay here and keep an eye from the sleigh. We could probably take him out on the outside of the Boxmas Bot-- Gah!”</p><p>She stumbled back for a moment, but Jaxx and Ed helped her up with a hug. Tight. Warm. Balanced.</p><p>“Elizabeth,” Jaxx’s voice was stern yet comforting, “You’re the only one who can face Krampus, longer than we could. And I know you’ll live to tell the tale. I can’t do it. Ed… Maybe. But he’s not <em> you. </em> You <em> have </em> this.”</p><p>“He’s right.” Ed’s voice was quieter, barely above a whisper in her ear, “Hell, you’ve fought for us so many times. This time, we fight for ourselves, <em> Lizzie.” </em></p><p>Chills screamed down her spine as she pulled back from the hug and stared at her twin, his shoulders gripping hers tight.</p><p>Ed wasn’t fucking around.</p><p>“Are you sure?” She asked, her voice quiet as Ed’s so Jaxx wouldn’t hear, “Are you <em> sure?</em>”</p><p>He nodded, solemn as her.</p><p>“You have to be you,” he said, no longer whispering, “It sucks to say this but… We may be twins, but we won’t stay together forever. You have <em>your</em> whole life to live after you beat the shit out of the goat and so will I. I could get up there and get just as angry as you can, but I don’t trust myself with it. On top of that, you have more salt with that asshole than either of us. You piss him off in ways we can’t.” </p><p>“Whatever happens to us on the sleigh,” Jaxx added, “Is on us. Not you, <em> us. </em> And don’t go trying to fucking save us from our consequences any more, we’re grown-ass adults who can deal with our own shit without a mediator.”</p><p>“God-fucking-dammit, turning my own words against me,” Ell sniffled, chuckling a little while wiping away a tear. “Alright. We’ll call as we go. You guys try to find some weak spots and blow them to hell and back. Look out for missiles and make sure none of the zombies leave this area. Those cops better <em> stay </em>dead.”</p><p>“Don’t take forever.” Jaxx warned, “Find a way to get into the head. Ed? I’ll take care of the weaponry, you focus on flying.”</p><p>“Gotcha. And don’t worry about the zombies,” Ed waved it off, “We’re not letting an apocalypse happen on our sight!”</p><p>
  <em> Ka-crackle! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Whirrrrrrrr… </em>
</p><p>Ell scrambled into the shrinking gap. </p><p>
  <em> Whip-crack! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Clunk. </em>
</p><p>“I’m in.”</p><hr/><p>First things first: no distractions. </p><p>Ell didn’t have a tie for her hair, but shoving it all up into the Santa hat (save for her bangs) was already doing wonders. Just to be sure, she pulled the hoodie over the hat and readjusted her coat a bit tighter. </p><p>Horn in the hoodie pocket, lighter in coat pocket, shotgun strap over her head and shoulder again? Check. </p><p>Hair out the way? Check. </p><p>Phone light for this dark-as-fuck robot area? Check. </p><p><em> Now </em> she could start making a move. </p><p>Holding her phone first between her teeth, then dimming with it in her hand, Ell carefully creeped past the fucked-over cabling of the shoved-in giant red arm. Glances to the left and right. Extra-long looks behind her shoulders, just in case. The interior of this thing was simultaneously familiar and completely unknown; Ell guessed it was from having some parts were still from and of the van… </p><p>Double-taking at the red arm wiring, she saw it linked up around something <em> massive </em>to her right - giant cylinders all in a rounded row. Flashing her light at it, it looked like the barrels of a big-ass machine gun. However, most of the hapdash cables of the red arms had somehow gone through the ‘barrel’ gaps - truly cringeworthy. Shitty design, shitty planning.</p><p>Aside from that, so far so good. Now how was she going to head up to Krampus? Was there a ladder or something? </p><p>“Mmmmmuuuuuuhhhhh…”</p><p>What the…</p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>“Mmuuuuuhhh…”</p><p>“Oh fuck. How did those fuckers…? Nevermind, gotta keep moving… How can I get to the bloody control area?”</p><p>She clutched everything close, one soft and slow step after another, hoping that <em> nobody </em>would call her or fuck everything up… </p><p>“Come on,” she whispered, “There has to be fucking <em> something! </em> Something, anything to get to the head! Shit, how many of them are there?”</p><p>
  <em> Bileep! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Raaaagghhh! Auuuuuuuuugggghhh!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Whoosh… Woosh! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Clackclackclackclackclack… Schreaaak-BOOM!  </em>
</p><p>Huh. She forgot their radios still worked. Sounded like Jaxx and Ed were pretty busy from the sleigh-- </p><p>
  <em> Thump.  </em>
</p><p>Fuck. Should’ve looked where she was going.</p><p>“Rrraaaagh!”</p><p>Ell froze. </p><p>Maybe… </p><p>“...Raaaaghh?”</p><p>Please… </p><p>“Mmuuuuuhhhh…” </p><p>
  <em> …That was way too fucking close.  </em>
</p><p>Forcing herself to move her head as the dead cop stumbled away in the tiny space, she counted six zombies shuffling around…  </p><p>And one ladder heading <em> up. </em></p><p>“Bingo Ringo.”</p><p>“Raaaaaagggh?” </p><p>“Ah, fuck this.”</p><p>“Raaaaaaaagh!”</p><p>Backing up to the ladder, she jumped up to a few rungs and started to climb--</p><p>“Raaaaaaaaaggggh!”</p><p>“Oi, get off my leg, I’m trying to help you rest in peace!”</p><p>She tried to shake it off… </p><p>“Mmuuuuuhhh!”</p><p>Fuck, now the rest of them were goint to notice.</p><p>“Okay!” Ell grunted, taking hold of the shotgun, “You wanna rest in peace with plan B? You’ve got it!”</p><p>
  <em> BOOM! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Headshot…  </em>
</p><p>“Holy shit.”</p><p>The mob <em> erupted. </em></p><p>“Mmmuuuuuuughhhh?”</p><p>“Raaaaaaaaggggh!”</p><p>“AaaaaGGGGHH!”</p><p>“AAAAAAGGGHH!”</p><p>“BRAAAAAAAINS!”</p><p>“Aight, fuck you guys, I’m out!”</p><p>Every rung away from angry zombie cops was one rung closer to beating the shit out of Krampus.</p><hr/><p>
  <em> Brrring brrrring! </em>
</p><p>“Finally, some good fucking timing for once… Hello?”</p><p>“Ell!” Ed chirped, “You doing okay? Where are you?”</p><p>“I’m fine, just shot a zombie cop in the head.”</p><p>“Jesus Christ in a stable, Ell!” Jaxx yelled from far off, the static of the wind making him barely audible, “You better not be fucking bitten!”</p><p>“Hell no,” she huffed, checking her leg while gripping the rung, “No marks or nicks or anything. Also, I’m on a ladder to the main controls and the bastard goat. I’m close - I can see the end above me.”</p><p>“Alright, we won’t stop you,” Ed reaffirmed, “we’ll put ourselves on mute, but you stay on call and speaker. Go beat the shit out of him!”</p><p>
  <em> Gladly. </em>
</p><p>One. Two. Three, four shells reloaded into the barrel. One spare left.</p><p>Pulling herself out the hatch and gently closing it, she dusted herself off and looked around. </p><p>She had the goat right where she wanted him: back turned, one horn on his head and raving with profanities at the control panel.</p><p>
  <em> Chk-chk. </em>
</p><p>“Krampus, get on your knees.”</p><p>“Well, well, well… Look what the cat brought in!”</p><p>“Get on your fucking knees if you want to make this easier for yourself.”</p><p>“Oh, ohohoho! You think <em> I </em> would get on <em> my </em> knees to you, mere <em> mortal?!” </em>Krampus hissed, “I would never, and I never have!”</p><p>“Not willingly,” Ell agreed, glancing downwards, “But you bowed to Zanta when he was alive, didn’t you?”</p><p>“By force! And as if you have any of that same force now!”</p><p>“Not the <em> same, </em> no.”</p><p>
  <em> BANG! </em>
</p><p>Three shells left. </p><p>“AAAAARGH! MY KNEE! MY FAVOURITE KNEE!”</p><p>“Since when the fuck did you pick favourites?”</p><p>“Rrrraaaaaagggh!”</p><p>“Ahh!”</p><p>As Krampus lunged at her, Ell swung the gun upwards, blocking the blow and pushing him away before she swung it around to rest on her back. </p><p>Fists up. </p><p>“You wanna get your face broken again, bitch?”</p><p>“GRRRRRRAAAAAAAAGGGGHH!”</p><p>“Hyaaaaaaah!” </p><p>
  <em> Bam! Bam! Bam! Leaan-- WHA-PAM! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Whap! Whoosh! Swoosh! Slam! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kick-CRACK! Ka-KAOW!  </em>
</p><p>Every beating. Every punch. Every kick. </p><p>Ell would <em> not </em>relent. Not to holding back. Not to giving up.</p><p>On the floor! A roll away. Back on her knees. Then to her feet.</p><p>She swerved the gun around, just as the goat leapt to grasp her again. Pushed back against his force.</p><p>“How are you <em> moving </em> with the knee I shot?!”</p><p>“Perfectly fine!” Krampus gritted his teeth, “No… Argh! Pain!”</p><p>“You’re a bloody <em> awful </em>liar!”</p><p>She growled as he swung her around from the gun - trying to hold her stance, but her feet were slipping under the metal. </p><p><em> THUMP! </em> </p><p>She was knocked to the floor, struggling against Krampus, wrestling the gun away from his scrummy claws. </p><p>“Grrrr!” Ell growled, “You… Can’t… Win this! Gah!”</p><p>
  <em> Chk-chk. </em>
</p><p><em> BANG! </em> </p><p>Two shells. </p><p>“Of <em> fucking </em> course I can! I’m going to blow this entire city to pieces and make myself a fine as hell holiday! And <em> you’ll </em>be my first course!”</p><p>“You don’t even know how this giant robot works, you fucking idiot! Gah!”</p><p>
  <em> Kick! </em>
</p><p>“AUGH! THOSE WERE MY BALLS YOU FOOL!”</p><p>“You have balls?!”</p><p>Rolling away as Krampus keeled, she pushed herself up to her knees and took aim. </p><p>
  <em> Chk-chk.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> BANG! </em>
</p><p>One shell. </p><p>
  <em> Clink! </em>
</p><p>Fuck, missed. Well, she hit the chains that somehow were <em> still </em>around this fucker, but she still counted a miss. Could’ve been a great castration.</p><p>She stood and surveyed around the area. Where would those shells be… </p><p>As if she had much time to search--</p><p>She jerked the gun off Krampus’s grip again as he got back to his hooves and pushed against her. But as he was knocked back, Ell fell backwards onto the control panel.</p><p>“Agh, fuck!”</p><p>
  <em> Beep! </em>
</p><p>One moment Krampus had his arms outstretched to her… </p><p>
  <em> RUMBLERUMBLERUMBLE… </em>
</p><p>The next, everything violently <em>leaned back </em>and he was knocked onto the far wall, chains hooking into the thick grooves. </p><p>Ell’s fingers dug into other buttons as she gripped for support.</p><p>“Ed! Jaxx! What’s going on out there?!”</p><p>“Too much! But the main thing being the Boxmas Bot’s losing balance!” Jaxx yelled over her phone’s speaker, rushing winds from outside barely making him audible, “There’s a giant fucking machine gun that’s sticking out of the guts, but it’s stuck!”</p><p>
  <em> The red arm cables! </em>
</p><p>“Blow it up from inside the cylinders, they can’t be firing now! Maybe even take care of the missile shoulders! Hell, fuck up the entire guts of that thing!”</p><p>“Ell, what about you?!”</p><p>Krampus began to crawl towards the controls.</p><p>“Ed, don’t worry about me! I’m not done yet! Balance the Bot, I’ve still got one shell in the gun to blast the goat’s ass!”</p><p>
  <em> SCHLUNK-UNK-UNK… RATATATATATTATATATATATATTATA! </em>
</p><p>The Boxmas Bot <em> shuddered, </em> almost <em> convulsing </em> from under her feet. What the fuck did Jaxx and Ed have to make it rattle so much?! </p><p>
  <em> CREAAAAAK! </em>
</p><p>Ell felt her stomach drop as everything leaned the <em> other </em>way…</p><p>“YIIIIIIEAAAAAAAAAAAGGGH!”</p><p>
  <em> Fuck! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> THUD! </em>
</p><p>“Foolish bitch!” Krampus hissed, his knees pinning Ell’s hands away from the gun and up against the glass of the ‘eye,’ “Shouldn’t have fumbled with the gun!”</p><p>
  <em> THWAP! PUNCH! BLAM! </em>
</p><p>She jerked her shoulders in between every blow, growling and gritting and squeezing her eyes shut as she tried to escape. </p><p>Fuck, fuck, fuck, it hurt it hurt it hurt it hurt--</p><p>
  <em> THW-BAM! </em>
</p><p>“AAAAGH!”</p><p>It <em> wasn’t </em> the goat who screamed.</p><hr/><p>Ell’s head throbbed. Face was sore. Ears were ringing. Everything she saw was darkened, the only light she had were red and green spots. Her mouth tasted metallic from--</p><p>
  <em> From something dripping down over her lips.  </em>
</p><p>“Live blood!” Krampus cackled, “Of Nikola’s ally! A fine taste test of my feast to come!”</p><p>
  <em> Not if she had any say in it.  </em>
</p><p>“Do I… Ugh… Do I get any last words or requests?”</p><p>“And <em> why</em> would I grant those… <em> Lizzie </em>?”</p><p><em> …Mother</em> <b><em>fucker. </em> </b></p><p>“Would you want your horn back if you <em> get off me right now?” </em></p><p>Ell looked straight into the mismatched, widened eyes of evil and she glared back with what felt like fire blazing in hers.</p><p>
  <em> She was gonna kill him.  </em>
</p><p>“I’m not gonna shoot you. I mean it. Let me give you your broken horn.”</p><p>
  <em> CREEEEEEAAAK! </em>
</p><p>The whole room lurched back the other way, forcing Krampus to let go and fall on his ass. </p><p>Ell kept her word as she nudged away the shotgun and opened her coat. </p><p>Pulled out the horn from her hoodie pocket. Pointy end up.</p><p>Wiped away her nosebleed.</p><p>One, two, three--</p><p>
  <em> THUMP-SQUEEEELCH! </em>
</p><p>“YIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHH! MY GOOD EYE! I CAN’T SEE, I CAN’T SEE, YOU BITCH! I CAN’T SEEEEEEEEE!”</p><p>“You wanted your horn back?! YOU CAN HAVE IT!”</p><p>Screams be damned, she did <em> not </em>lift the horn out. </p><p>Instead, she stirred it around in the socket once. </p><p>Twice.</p><p>A third time, for good measure. </p><p><em> Then </em>she yanked it out, pushing herself to stand and glare at the cowardly crying and cornered Krampus. Fucking piece of shit.</p><p>Now, about the control panel… </p><hr/><p>She managed to make her way back to it, her breathing shallow and heavy. Everything still hurt. She still tasted blood dripping down from her nose. She was still tightly gripping the horn, then switched to the edge of the panel when she stumbled. </p><p>Was the giant robot keeling to the sides over and over from Jaxx and Ed’s damage outside, or was it just her swaying like she was stuck on a pirate ship in a stormy sea? </p><p>At least she could see a bit better, but there were still plenty of red and green spots dancing around. Crouching to the panel door, she groaned at the sight of a lock. </p><p>
  <em> Clink… Clink…  </em>
</p><p>She spotted two small, cylindrical objects by her feet, having rolled to the edge of the control panel’s bottom. Picking them up… </p><p>… The used shells! </p><p>Hold on… She still had the zippo lighter in her coat pocket. And she had one unused shell in the gun and another on the stock.</p><p>
  <em> Maybe…!  </em>
</p><p>“Ell,” Her phone crackled, “get down!” </p><p>“W-what? Ed, what are you--”</p><p>“I said <em> get down!</em>”</p><p>Huh. She’d been down already, sure. Pocketing the horn, she aimed the shotgun on the lock. </p><p>
  <em> Chk-chk. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> BOOM-CRACK! </em>
</p><p>Bingo Ringo--</p><p>
  <em> RATATATATATTATATATATATATTATA--CRASHCRASHCRASHCRASH! </em>
</p><p>“GAH! What the fuck?!”</p><p>The ‘eye’ window on her right <em> shattered, </em>glass flying all over the floor. Fresh air from outside blew and Ell couldn’t help sighing in relief as she stood up. The dead reindeer expertly turned the sleigh around to the back, revealing Ed standing at its furthest end. </p><p>“Ell, c’mon!” Ed yelled, his voice no longer distorted by a phone call, “We have to go, the Boxmas Bot’s going to crash!”</p><p>“... When and <em> where the fuck </em>did you get machine guns on the sleigh?!”</p><p>“Must’ve been from Zanta beforehand,” Ed waved it off, hopping into the control room and taking her hand, “But c’mon, we need to go.”</p><p>“Ed, no! I’m not done!”</p><p>“Ell, come on!”</p><p>“Can you two hurry up back there?!” Jaxx called from the front of the sleigh, “The goat is gonna get crushed anyway!”</p><p>“Crushed <em> and </em> set on fire in this thing. I’m not done!”</p><p>Scooping the final shell from the floor, Ell dropped them all into the hollow horn and crouched to the control panel’s open door. No turning back as she pulled out the zippo lighter.</p><p>
  <em> Flick, flick… </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Whoomph! </em>
</p><p>Chucking the burning coal in and already spotting sparks flying, Ell couldn’t hold back a smile. She heaved a heavy, quick sigh as Ed squeezed her hand and the control panel flashed up into flames.</p><p>“You… YOU! <em> YOU! </em>”</p><p>Both twins froze at the sight of the one-horned goat standing back on his hooves behind them, both his eyes now black sockets with red lights for pupils. Unlike Zanta’s eye-sockets, they had pure <em> fury </em>burning in them. </p><p>Ell didn’t break eye contact as she loaded the last shell into the shotgun. </p><p>
  <em> Chk-chk. </em>
</p><p>“You couldn’t even kill me. You messed with the wrong woman, and you messed with the wrong family.”</p><p>“YIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHH!”</p><p>
  <em> BANG! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> SQUUEEEELCH! </em>
</p><p>Krampus almost <em> swung </em> backwards from the recoil, silently choking. Black fluids spurted from his throat as he tried to gasp and gurgle for air. </p><p>For one small, strange moment of peace, it felt like a silent night again. </p><p>
  <em> CREAAAAAK! </em>
</p><p>The room<em> keeled</em>.  </p><p>“Ell, time to go!”</p><p>Sharing a nod, the twins leapt through the broken window, <em> barely </em>landing into the back of the moving sleigh. </p><p>
  <em> Flash-click! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> THUMP-THUMP! </em>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>BOOOOOOOOOM!</em> </b>
</p><hr/><p>Uncovering her ears after the ripples and rumbles of the shockwave, Ell staggered to her feet and gripped the back edge of the sleigh. </p><p>Only now could she see what had happened - what <em> she’d </em> done. Hell, with views like this, why <em> didn’t </em> more cool guys look at explosions?</p><p>Shrapnel of red and silver glinting from golden flames, with the rare flash of white sparks squealing out of some other piece of machinery or a new weapon catching fire out of the kiln. The blazing lights pierced the dark sky, making the whole sight look like… Like.. Like a star. The brightest star which somehow shot straight to earth. </p><p>Maybe those three wise men didn’t question astronomy leading them to a baby if the star <em> they </em> followed had <em> something </em>of what she was seeing now. </p><p>Her grip on the edge faltered as a wave of fatigue slammed her. For godsakes, she was <em> literally </em>bloody, bashed and bruised, basically having gone through hell. But… She didn’t care. </p><p>No. Not that she didn’t care, of course she did… She… She felt <em> relieved.  </em></p><p>Not just relieved… <em> Happy. </em></p><p>She killed a zombie cop with a headshot, had a hand in blowing up a giant robot, fought Krampus and <em> WON. </em> </p><p>She won.</p><p>She won!</p><p>She. <em> WON! </em></p><p>Ell shivered thinking about it, but she wasn’t scared. </p><p>She’d had it personal with the fucking goat from the start. He chased <em> her </em> first; <em> she </em> got him to basically monologue his life story and confession; <em> pissed him off on purpose </em> ; so ultimately <em> she </em> was the one who fought him in the control room with nothing but a coal shotgun, his broken horn and her bare hands. She snuffed him out, the fucking <em> wimp. </em></p><p>That war was <em> her own. </em>Even with her family’s lives and the holidays at stake, she took on Krampus for herself. </p><p>Shit… She’d fought for <em> herself.  </em></p><p>It felt so, so <em> good.  </em></p><p>Jaxx and Ed were right. Ell <em> really </em>was the only one who could take on the goat and lived to tell the tale. </p><p>God, Jaxx and Ed!</p><p>They’d been the ones to leave her alone to fight her own battles tonight, but… She needed to be alone. And so did they. </p><p>They fought off the goat in their own ways, obviously. She didn’t have all the details as to <em> how, </em>especially from their ordeals at the Richwells and Lawsons respectively, but even with what she had to go off from… They really hadn’t needed her help for the most part. </p><p>They could get along. </p><p>They could love each other. </p><p>They could defend themselves and <em> each other </em>.</p><p>All <em> without her </em> in the middle of everything.</p><p><em> …Fucking </em> <b> <em>finally.</em> </b></p><p>Hell, maybe the rest of her family could too. Even Cora, Laurie and sweet, unrelated Emily could defend themselves and find their own way out, whatever it looked like. Ell was sure of it now.</p><p>No plans, no guesswork, no overthinking or stressing for their futures. No way was she gonna be their second mum anymore - they all were going to grow up without her looking. And by God, she was gonna be so <em> proud </em>when the day would arrive. </p><p>“Ell? Are you okay?”</p><p>“Y-yeah Ed?”</p><p>“Are you… Crying?”</p><p>“…Have I been crying?” </p><p>She wiped away the leaky tears and half-dried blood off her face.</p><p>“Ed, I’m just… I’m just really fucking happy.” Ell sniffled, “I think I <em> really </em>needed tonight to happen.”</p><p>“I’m sure we all did. Hey, ah… Erm…  Awk-ward sibling hug?”</p><p>“Oh fuck off,” she chuckled and shook her head, “<em>Sincere </em>sibling hug.”</p><p>“Ooh, maybe when Jaxx lands the sleigh.”</p><p>“Wait, what the fuck?”</p><p>
  <em> Bump. Swissssshhhhhh…  </em>
</p><p>“So… How’d I do?”</p><p>“…Jaxx, what the fuck?! How did you… What? <em> How?</em>”</p><p>“Oxford, that’s gotta be the best goddamn landing I’ve felt all night in this sleigh.”</p><p>“Well… Yeah. What he said.”</p><p>“Why thank you both, <em> Cambridge!”</em></p><p>“Oh my <em> fucking </em>God!”</p><p>“Did you just…?”</p><p>“Yeah?” Jaxx shrugged as he hopped into the back of the sleigh, “What about it? Oh, erm, by the way Ell? I don’t know if you saw a flash as you and Ed made it out of the Boxmas Bot, but--”</p><p>“Did you take a fucking selfie.”</p><p>He just grinned as he handed over his phone to her.</p><p>“God fucking dammit.”</p><p>“In my defence, it looks like an action movie poster. I’m not the only one looking badass in here.”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m with Jaxx on this one,” Ed nodded. </p><p>Damn him and his danger-seeking, on-point selfie game!</p><p>“I guess having recently stabbed and shot Krampus helped the look,” Ell admitted, “It could make a hell of an album cover-- Gah, what?! Oh! Awww, you guys…”</p><p>Make that a <em> surprise </em>sincere sibling hug. </p><p>Hey, maybe if they weren’t tired when they all got back to their parents’ and still had time before curfew, maybe a jam session could be possible…  </p><p>But right now? … Oh. Oh<em>. Oh, God…  </em></p><p>She felt warmer than her favourite hot chocolate and safer since the walk at the beginning of the night.</p><p>“I think I’ve got the best fucking present ever.”</p><p>They all squeezed a little tighter, and words failed her from there.</p><p>She was <em> safe. </em></p><p>Jaxx and Ed were <em> safe. </em></p><p>They were all <em> safe </em> and <em> alive.  </em></p><p>“You three <em> all </em> did brilliant tonight.” A familiar, rumbling voice came from off the sleigh, “I didn’t think you would have to blow up the Boxmas Bot, but I guess desperate times called for desperate measures.”</p><p>“You don’t say Zanta,” Ell nodded, “you don’t say.”</p><p>
  <em> Wait. </em>
</p><p>“Zanta?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you all survived reading this chapter as much as I had when I was writing it! Maybe better! Since it took a long-ass time to write!</p><p>As I write these notes, I'm one night away from releasing chapter seven (which is yesterday as of release), and I'm finished with transcribing and editing the first section of chapter nine. Knowing me, I can get this done if I kick my butt into gear and have the spaces and time to do it. Believe me, writing drafts in a notebook to transcribe and edit into a google doc is a faster process than you'd believe. </p><p>EDIT: As of now, I'm ONE section of chapter away to draft, google-doc transcribe, edit and call finished in time. And it shouldn't be too bad, I know what I'm doing here and I KNOW this is possible. I KNOW IT. </p><p>Here's to (hopefully) chapter nine tomorrow!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. ED</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>And so the night draws to a close...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He’d been the first to let go of the hug upon hearing Zanta’s voice. </p><p>“Wha… What?” He managed, “How, how did you…?”</p><p>“I finished my debt to your ancestors’ when I heard explosions in the distance, so it wasn’t much of a surprise to see you three had been busy.”</p><p>“How the hell,” Ed wondered, “Did you get here so fast?</p><p>“Ed, with everything that’s happened tonight,” Ell waved it off, “I wouldn’t question the logic and existence of fucking <em> Zanta Claws.</em>”</p><p>“Yeah,” Jaxx nodded, “If he delivered presents all over the world in one night <em> for centuries, </em>I wouldn’t doubt him being the fastest son of a bitch we’ve met.”</p><p>Well, <em> true. </em> </p><p>“Ahem!” Zanta cleared his throat, “Where did you last see Krampus?”</p><p>“In the head of the Boxmas Bot,” Ell tapped her chin, “just after I stabbed him, set the control panel on fire, then shot him. I think his corpse is still in there after the head blew up.” </p><p>“She shot him in the <em> throat! </em> I <em> saw </em>it happen!” Ed couldn’t hold back the pride he had for his twin. By glancing at the look on Jaxx’s face, neither could he.</p><p>“Hm!” Zanta nodded, impressed, “Good to know. But now if you’ll excuse me…”</p><p>“Wait,” Ell reached out, “Where are you going?”</p><p>Zanta didn’t respond as he set off towards the flaming wreckage.</p><p>“I thought I left the goat for dead in there…”</p><p>“Should we follow him?”</p><p>“Well,” Ed shrugged as he jumped out the sleigh, “<em>I will, </em>Oxford.”</p><p>“Ed, wait for me!”</p><p>“I’ll be okay, Ell, you stay back and rest.”</p><p>“Oh for fucksakes.”</p><p>“What is it now, Oxford?!”</p><p>Jaxx sighed as he grabbed the candy-cannon and lowered it to Ed.</p><p>“If you’re gonna go,” he shook his head with a warm smile, accepting an argument which would never happen, “Don’t go unarmed.”</p><p>Ed exhaled, letting go as he took up the cannon and propped it over his shoulder.</p><p>“Make sure Ell gets some rest,” he nodded back, “And that’s a threat.”</p><p>“If I don’t, you’re welcome to kill me when you come back.”</p><p>Ed rolled his eyes as he set off after Zanta, hiding a small smile when his back was turned to the sleigh.</p><p>Not that he would. </p><p>Not anymore.</p><hr/><p>Even though he realised the sleigh was parked surprisingly closer to the wreckage than first thought, Ed still couldn’t fit normal human logic to Zanta no matter how he tried. For instance? How the bloody hell was he almost <em> already </em> at the flaming wreckage of the Boxmas Bot? Oh, Ell was right. No use applying logic to <em> Zanta Claws.  </em></p><p>Meanwhile, Ed was still weary as he tried to keep up his own pace: whatever remaining undead cops he and Jaxx couldn’t take care of from the sleigh were now staggering to the blazing carnage, moaning and groaning all the way. The closer they all reached the area, he was sure, the more likely chance zombies would notice <em> him </em> instead of the fire. He couldn’t hide his shuddering at the sounds and thoughts of it.</p><p>Didn’t help when Ell confirmed they’d come after human flesh back when she got away with headshotting one prior to fighting Krampus. Didn’t help when Ed was half-expecting one to come from nowhere and bite him on the shoulder. Didn’t help when he started to see hovercars flying above the scene - he hoped they weren’t police who were going to rain down lasers and bullets anytime soon. </p><p>At least it was only the sleigh behind him for the most part. Looking back, he managed a faint smile when he saw Jaxx leading the deer from the reins and Ell (thankfully) resting up next to him. </p><p>Looking ahead again, he spotted Zanta slowing down his pace as he reached the burning wreck, but still nonetheless marching through the snow. But whereas he had no care for the smoke or heat coming off it, Ed found himself muffling coughs with a free arm as he edged closer. </p><p>Then, Zanta stopped in his tracks. Ed did too. Peering into the fire… </p><p>Four figures became <em> five. </em></p><p>The new one was limping. Swaying. <em> One-horned, </em> as sleigh bells and chains <em> shhiiiink-shhhhinked </em> together.  </p><p>
  <em> …Son of a bitch. </em>
</p><p>Ed growled and readied the candy-cannon, taking aim.</p><p>Zanta stayed still. </p><p>Clawed hands reached out. </p><p>Closer. </p><p>Closer. </p><p>Closer. </p><p>Zanta stretched out his arm.</p><p>Ed’s trigger finger stiffened. </p><p>For godsakes, why couldn’t he shoot--</p><p>
  <em> KRR-RAACK! </em>
</p><p>“KIEEEEEEAAAAAAAGGGGHHH!”</p><p>Ed dropped the cannon, clutching his ears and keeling, but he forced himself to look ahead. </p><p>Zanta and the now-hornless Krampus were silhouetted by the flames as they started to fight: first with fists, then with outstretched hands and claws added to the mix. Zanta even took a page from Ell and stabbed the goat in the throat with the horn he’d broken off. But still, Krampus stayed standing and swinging at his old nemesis. </p><p>Even Ed couldn’t deny the bastard looked badass with the same glowing ‘eyes’ Zanta had. At the same time, he looked more sickening than ever before - probably thanks to the smoking and melting <em> flesh </em>dripping off his body. </p><p>Ditching the horn, Zanta then <em> lunged </em>at Krampus, digging his claws into the goat’s head despite the animal trying to rip him away from it. They tossed each other around against the light, the fire briefly flashing on their faces and bodies when they got too close. It was only a matter of moments until… </p><p>
  <em> KRRACK-SNAP-SQUELCH! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Thump.  </em>
</p><p>The <em> rest </em>of the goat’s body fell into the snow. However… </p><p>Uncovering his ears and standing straight, Ed couldn’t look away as Zanta slowly raised Krampus’ decapitated head to his face. Almost in a trance, he unhinged his jaw wide open, baring all his sharp, zombie teeth… </p><p>Oh, <em> God. </em></p><p>
  <em> CRUNCH. </em>
</p><hr/><p>Ed stood frozen at the sight, unable to say a thing as Zanta <em> feasted.  </em></p><p>Around him, he could hear <em> thump, thump, thumping </em> sounds around him and the general area - some farther than he thought, some far too close for comfort. He didn’t register them at first, but when something <em> thumped </em>into the snow on his left-hand side… </p><p><em> Yikes. </em>He didn’t even hear the growls of those zombie cops.</p><p>
  <em> Thump, thump, thump… </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Crunch, crunch, crunch…! </em>
</p><p>Smaller and smaller Krampus’ head became in Zanta’s feast, broken and crunched down piece by piece until there was nothing left. By then, the thumping finally stopped, and all Ed could hear now was the crackle of the wreckage fire. </p><p>What remained now was him, his siblings and Zanta. </p><p>“He won’t return ever again, that’s for sure. And it’s about time I’d gotten my cloak back.”</p><p>“Your…” Ed swallowed, “<em>Your </em>cloak?”</p><p>Zanta pulled the cloak off the decapitated corpse before swooshing it around and pulling it over his head. He was still in silhouette as he adjusted the hood and re-did the button, but… </p><p>Something about it seemed… Different, now. Ed could’ve sworn the cloak wasn't <em> this </em>long when he saw Krampus wear it…   </p><p>“I do believe,” Zanta’s voice was now strangely less gravelly, “You’ve done a hell of a great job tonight.” </p><p>As he stepped into the moonlight, Ed had to double take. Glancing at his brother and sister on the sleigh, so did they. </p><p>Their family friend now had long, flowing white hair which came out from the hat. His skin was no longer green, tight and decayed, but pale peach with rosy spots, wrinkly and rejuvenated. His teeth no longer stuck out from over the beard, and he even had a long mustache too. All his clothes were now repaired and clean, as if fresh from an instant wash. And his eyes were no longer sunken in and empty, but were <em> normal </em>with a blueish-greenish iris. </p><p>“Holy fuck,” He could hear Jaxx from the sleigh, “Even the <em> reindeer</em>…”</p><p>“How?” Even Ell wondered, “How did…?!” </p><p>“…Zanta?”</p><p>“Please Edward,” he cleared his throat as he approached the sleigh entrance, hand on Ed’s shoulder, “Call me Nikolas - Nikolas Klaus.”</p><p>Sirens blared above the crackling fire, red-and-blue lights flashed and spotlights almost <em> blinded </em>them as they searched around. Glancing at Jaxx and Ell, neither of them looked as keen as Ed was about seeing potentially their cop relatives in business hours. </p><p>“I do believe,” Nikolas caught on as he picked up the candy-cannon and propped it over his shoulder, “You three may need a ride home?”</p><hr/><p>Neither Ed nor his exhausted siblings had wanted to leave each other alone the moment he was in the sleigh and Zanta--sorry, <em> Nikolas, </em> had flown the sleigh out of the crime scene, so it was a silent agreement where they would all sit together in the back, huddling. Jaxx didn’t even protest or tried to play it off for some other reason, he just took in the warmth of the cuddle-pile. Ed soon even heard the gentle snores from both his brother <em> and </em>sister. </p><p>However, <em> he </em>couldn’t fall asleep. Even closing his eyes didn’t help.</p><p>The wind was still blowing into his face often, chilling his cheeks and bothering every attempt to settle down. He tried stargazing, but they were zipping by too quickly for him to focus. He tried staring at the waning half-moon which stayed constant, but the light was still too bright for his liking and made him even more awake.  </p><p>So he was stuck in the cuddle pile, restless despite his fatigue, trying to fight off the cold. </p><p>Instead of star or moon-gazing, he started to wonder.</p><p>Thinking back to everything which happened throughout the night, Ed found himself coming back to the same questions over and over again. Whether it was from what he’d heard from Ell and Jaxx or what he remembered from the family stories, he couldn’t let go of the same prominent questions which swirled in his mind.</p><p>“You kids doing alright?”</p><p>“I, err… Yeah,” Ed sat up properly to look at Nikolas, “We’re just resting back here.”</p><p>“I could see Jaxx and Ell were sleeping, but I <em> knew </em>you were awake.”</p><p>Damn, so the carols had <em> some </em>merit. </p><p>“Are you okay, Edward?”</p><p>“I… I was thinking about tonight,” he admitted, rubbing his eyes, “There’s a lot on my mind and I can’t talk with anyone about it.”</p><p>“You have <em> me, </em>Ed. So go on, shoot the shit. What do you want to know?” </p><p>Ed did a double-take, still not used to the idea of a cursing Santa Claus, but sure. What did he have to lose?</p><p>“Alright… First, Ell mentioned Krampus saying you had a patron or whatever it was. Who was it?”</p><p>“Saint Nicholas.”</p><p>“Wait, he’s <em> real?” </em></p><p>“<em>Was </em> real. Passed away in the fourth century. He was a fine mentor, if I say so myself. The difference is that I am the original <em> Santa Claus, </em> not the original <em> Saint Nicholas. </em> ‘Santa Claus’ came about when it became a quick version to say ‘Saint Nicholas’ around the Dutch back in the day. Actually, they called me <em> sinterklaas </em> and the rest is history from there.”</p><p>Ed thought Nikolas had finished, but…  </p><p>“The blackface bit of their lore later on was shitty though, that’s all from the Dutch.” Nikolas spat, “Never liked it, never was true. Don’t know the full reason why they bullshitted it up in the early eighteen-hundreds, but it was definitely because of racism.” </p><p>Fair. Maybe Ed could steer this somewhere else…?</p><p>“Wait, hold on. How did the ‘Santa’ thing stay such a big deal if you <em> died</em>? Come on, a corpse continuing to judge the behaviour of kids all over the world after he wouldn’t have been pretty.”</p><p>“No, it wasn’t. But when Krampus first cursed me, I didn’t die immediately. Whilst I still had full life back then, I trained up a few lads to take on the role for when I passed away. Still glad that most of them had gotten the hint to do the same for when their time came. The trouble here came from me dying and coming back in an unholy way. So for the rest of my zombie life, I kept doing my job as ‘Santa’, but… Well, if your ancestors’ stories of me taught you anything, Krampus’s curse got the best of me.”</p><p>“You didn’t eat <em> us, </em> though.”</p><p>“Believe me, I was <em> starving. </em>I let you three off the hook for bringing my sleigh back and then taking on Krampus. You know, thinking about my successors again, I’ve heard rumours and seen pieces of stories, but… Are you familiar about a tale where Santa Claus was killed by a child?”</p><p>“I think it was in one of my cousins’ storybooks, but I’m not too sure. Sounds familiar anyway.”</p><p>“It might explain why I haven’t been in contact with the other Clauses, if there are any. Either I’ve been dead for too long, they’ve been dead for too long, or someone else is running the show. Perhaps all three. At least it’s not the fucking goat who’s in charge.”</p><p>“Wait… About Krampus.”</p><p>“Go on.”</p><p>“Did… Did we have any ancestral beef with him or something? He mentioned to Ell you had picked your favourite families in the first war you had with him over a thousand years ago. So he targeted those families as a means of pissing you off. And, if we <em> did </em>have ancestors he hated from the first war… Are we cursed? I mean, are we cursed because of him?”</p><p>“Oh, Ed. Why do you ask?” </p><p>“Because we keep having shitty Christmas after shitty Christmas, and I’m tired of it. I wanted one good Christmas for all these years and after tonight, I can’t help but think…”</p><p>“Edward, let me ask <em> you </em>a question. Does it matter?</p><p>“…What?”</p><p>“This curse you speak of. Does it matter anymore?”</p><p>“Zanta--I mean, Nikolas--”</p><p>“Ed, listen. If your family were cursed by Krampus, either ancestrally or tonight, it’s gone alongside the fucked-up goat. If your family weren’t cursed by Krampus, it’s no big deal. Everyone has shit to deal with every Christmas either way. It’s unfortunately a norm when you’ve over-capitalised giving gifts to all the world when <em> your ‘</em>all the world’ isn’t the same as someone else’s. But I know something you don’t. </p><p>“I’ve personally known all four heads of your family line: Golds, Richwells’, Hartgraces and Lawsons. And believe me, you may know from the stories: they went through some wild adventures and serious shit to come out alright, but as someone who <em> was </em> the shit they had to go through multiple times? They came out out of these adventures fucking <em> thriving. </em> And so did <em> you. </em> Honestly, from what I’ve seen tonight at the Boxmas Bot, what I can guess and what I can compare to the past, you three kids are the first generation to <em> thrive </em>after going through hell.</p><p>“Edward, I’m very sure your namesake and his friends - your other ancestors - would be so proud of you, Jaxx and Ell. You three and the younger sisters you mentioned having, you all are from a family of heroes, idiots and a whole lot of love. Might not have been obvious in the run you’ve had, but it’s true. One day your sisters are going to have their chance to take on life, I’m sure of it. Hell, your ancestors couldn’t take down a four-armed robot manned by a maniacal demon-goat, and even kick the goat’s arse like you did tonight. It’s kind of like them literally going to hell, but it’s you three instead of them, doing it <em> many </em>times and coming out on top like a million quid.”</p><p>“Don’t give Ell ideas.”</p><p>“Oh, don’t worry. I know she’s still sleeping. Besides, links and phone numbers to summoning a Hellevator were taken down from the internet and its archives a looooong time ago.”</p><p>
  <em> “What.” </em>
</p><p>Nikolas shook his head, a coy smile peeking through his beard.</p><p>“I said what I said, Edward.”</p><p>Yeah, no. Ed wasn’t gonna have answers about… whatever Nikolas just said now. </p><p>Still. A few final questions drummed in his mind. </p><p>“Nikolas?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“How long were you buried under my ancestors’ house?”</p><p>“Since their Boxmas Bot shenanigans <em> with </em> me. Must’ve been… Ninety-two years ago now. And I buried <em> myself </em>into the floor, for the record. I stayed there till I heard my sleigh land tonight.”</p><p>“Right, so… If you were in the house for so long, did you hear anything in two thousand and thirty?”</p><p>“Twenty-thirty? Oh Ed, I <em> heard </em>something alright!” </p><p>“So then you have an inside source on the Disappearances!”</p><p>“… Is this what you call it?”</p><p>“Well, for a lack of a better word, yeah. We all do. The story’s a recent-ish one from our dad - he’s the only one who tells it like he knew what happened, but… I get the feeling he’s hiding stuff about it.”</p><p>“I’m guessing it’s a story about how one day in twenty-thirty, all four of the ancestral lads showed up to the place for an anniversary of some sort, with the spouses and kids by their side, then they went downstairs into the basement to check on something and never came back, never to be seen again?”</p><p>“Exactly! You get it!”</p><p>“Pah. Tinsel titwash! I would call it the <em> Abductions </em>if I were your dad.”</p><p>“<em>What?!” </em></p><p>“Shh, not so loud. Don’t wake your brother and sister. But seriously. People don’t just <em> disappear </em>without making the ruckus those four lads did. I still don’t know how their spouses and kids didn’t hear them.” </p><p>Come to think of it, it was really <em> strange </em> that Ed’s feelings of his dad hiding parts of the story came on so strong. Then again. Of <em> course </em>he would. He was Edward Gold the IV, son of Tora Lawson and Edward the III, head of… Ugh, thinking about dad and grandpa just made Ed angry. </p><p>“Well, when you were doing… Whatever you were doing to repay your debt to them earlier tonight… Did you find out anything else about the Disappearanc--sorry, the <em> Abductions? </em>”</p><p>The silence was as thick and dense as the forests they’d left behind as the sleigh dipped lower from the sky. </p><p>For a moment, Ed saw Nikolas’ eyes shift back to his old ‘Zanta’ form: black with glowing red pupils which burned with tranquil fury. He shivered at the sight, even more than from the cold, but he didn’t break eye contact.</p><p>“Long story short Edward,” Nikolas whispered, “I’m glad you and your siblings weren’t there when I found out.”</p><p>“What <em> did </em>you find?”</p><p>“Edward, please.” His voice was firm, “You don’t want to open this can of worms, especially on Christmas. Neither you nor your brother and sister have the time to go into this Pandora’s box.”</p><p>Ed nervously gulped and nodded slowly as Nikolas’ eyes shifted back to normal. No choice but to take his word for it.</p><p><em> Thump, thwishhhhhhh… </em> </p><p>“Better wake your siblings up, Ed: we’re here.”</p><p>“Already?”</p><p>“With half an hour to midnight,” Nikolas nodded, hopping out the sleigh to offer his hand, “You best get some rest for the morning.”</p><p>“Hey, Nikolas?”</p><p>“Yeah?” </p><p>“Thank you. For basically forcing our asses to kick goat ass and get over ourselves.”</p><p>“No, thank <em> you. </em> You three repeated history, pulling off only what your ancestors could do and <em> saved Christmas. </em>”</p><p>“It didn’t repeat perfectly, though…” Ed admitted sheepishly.</p><p>“And that’s the best part.”</p><hr/><p>Only Ed had been awake enough to hold some chat and explain the general deal to his surprised parents at the door. Meanwhile, Jaxx and Ell gave Mum a hug and some ‘fines’ and ‘alrights’ at those ‘how are you’s, but didn’t even acknowledge dad as they stumbled to their shared bedroom. To be fair, dad didn’t even deserve acknowledgement - in Ed’s book, he was <em> lucky </em> it was Christmas. </p><p>Ed was about to join Jaxx and Ell after he’d taken everything from the Lawsons’ out of his coat and hung it up, but he noticed the door was still open. He went to shut it, however… </p><p>Why were his parents heading out to meet with Nikolas? What did he have to do with them? Where was the point of it? </p><p>Was… Was it because of the Abductions? Surely, it would be out of left field if dad had <em> anything </em>to do with the whole story, but not entirely so if Nikolas made the same guess as Ed did about him leaving out certain details… </p><p>He finally shut the door when he could no longer stand the tense vibes he was catching from their conversation. And from the look Nikolas gave through his parents and straight to <em> him. </em> Man, it was a good thing he couldn’t eat the heads of the naughty any longer, but if looks could <em> kill…</em></p><p>“Ed? Where are you?”</p><p>“Coming, coming Ell, just give me a moment…”</p><hr/><p>Their old bedroom looked, felt and smelled like <em> nostalgia. </em></p><p>It held all their childhoods, teenage years and even the earliest days of Calamity from their high school years. All the meticulously placed soundproof foam pads, which made their room impenetrable from the inside to out, had never left the walls. </p><p>Then again, they’d all been in a rush to escape to university five to six years ago. None of them had wanted to take up a full-time position into the smuggling business. <em> Especially </em>Ed, since he was the namesake of dad, granddad, great-granddad and finally great-great-granddad Edward Gold. Ironically, Ell was the one with all the trademark green as her actual favourite colour. </p><p>He sometimes wondered if old Edward Gold the First would’ve even approved of the whole smuggling thing in the first place.</p><p>“Ed?”</p><p>“Hm, Jaxx?”</p><p>“C’mon Cambridge, you gonna join us and do a Christmas Eve gift swap?”</p><p>“Yeah Ed, I gotta test out the dice Jaxx gave me. They’re fucking gorgeous.”</p><p>He shrugged and sat down on the floor with the both of them, completing the small circle. In the middle was wrapping paper, scissors and tape. Even a gift bag or two. Behind his siblings were their coats, now revealing Jaxx’s light blue button-up and checkered tie, and Ell’s bright green ‘Christmas-sweater’ hoodie. </p><p>“Dunno what to use the gift bags for now,” Jaxx sighed, rubbing his eyes under his glasses, “Since you two already have your dice sets.”</p><p>“Actually…” Ed tapped his chin, “I might need them. For Laurie.”</p><p>“Laurie? Oh fuck, right! I have <em> her </em> dice on hand! I mean, I know she <em> really </em> wanted a holo-screen, but none of us are <em> that </em>rich so I guess the designer dice can be a cute display or substitute. If she doesn’t make a character for them, of course.” </p><p>“Of course you got her dice, you <em> nerd </em>…” Ell sighed as broke off a piece of tape with her teeth. “At least Cora’s gonna have something useful. Buuuut… I’m tired enough as it is. Should I wrap it?”</p><p>“Well,” Ed wondered, “What is it, Ell?”</p><p>“Leather quiver for her arrows. Y’know, just <em> subtly </em> trying to get her back into archery again…”</p><p>“No way!”</p><p>“Wait, what? No, did you-- Did you really Ed?!”</p><p>“I wrapped her some arrows I made long ago. Just give me a sec while I get them, then I’ll put them in the quiver!”</p><p>“Of fucking course you two had the same braincell!” Jaxx laughed, shaking his head as Ed returned with the arrows and slipped them into the quiver. Even Ell couldn’t hold back a giggle. </p><p>“I won’t bother wrapping the quiver then!”</p><p>“No, don’t!” Ed chuckled as he sat back down, “She’s gonna love the work you did on it. Jaxx, check out the engraving!” </p><p>“Ooh, yeah, that’s <em>beautiful.</em>” Jaxx turned the quiver around in his hands wistfully, “Ell, I didn’t know you got into leatherworking, this is gorgeous!”</p><p>“Agh, it’s nothing much… Just a side hobby when metalwork in all forms gets too much for the head.”</p><p>“You kidding? It’s much better than what I did for her!”</p><p>“You did <em> what.</em>”</p><p>“You did <em> what.</em>”</p><p>Jaxx shrugged sheepishly as he held up a leatherbound book, decorated with burned-in ferns and fancy lettering which read ‘Robin Zalanis’.</p><p>The twins burst out <em> laughing. </em> Even Jaxx couldn’t hold it together.</p><p>“In my defense for sharing this braincell, Cora <em> already </em>made her character from high school LARP long before I made this!”</p><p>“Nonononono!” Ell wheezed in-between laughs, “We didn’t share a braincell, it was a <em> venn diagram </em> of braincells!”</p><p>The trio broke out laughing again, Jaxx holding his gut, Ell clutching her chest as she leaned back and Ed banging his fists on the floor. But it wasn’t long till they were all catching their breath again, gasping for air. </p><p>“Hoooooohhhhhh, Jesus Christ in a manger!” Jaxx panted, “That was <em> good. </em> Look, if we’re gonna keep running with this venn diagram of braincells, <em> please </em>tell me we’re gonna have the same for Emily’s presents.”</p><p>“Well Oxford, what do you have?”</p><p>“From me, I got a collector’s copy of The Lion, Witch and The Wardrobe. Look, I know it isn’t leather, but… It’s pretty, it’s a collectible, it’s something we’re both familiar with even though we have nothing in common, it works.”</p><p>“Well, I wrapped a pretty lilac notebook for her just now.” Ell held it up for a moment, “What about you Ed?”</p><p>“I, um…  commissioned… a friend of mine to do a portrait of her! It’s only digital, but I-- they did send me the traditional development sketches, so I’ve put them in a little box with the flash drive which has the final piece.”</p><p>“Commissions <em> again, </em> Ed?” Ell wondered, “Is it the same artist you’ve paid before over the past few years for us? The ‘Gould’ guy? I’m not complaining, they’re <em> really </em>good with all their pieces.”</p><p>He couldn’t afford to blow his cover.</p><p>The reality was, he didn’t commission <em> anyone.  </em></p><p>If there was one secret he wanted to take to his grave, it was that <em> he </em> was responsible for every Gould piece he’d given to his family and clients for <em> eight years. </em></p><p>“Yeah, why? Gould and I-- we’re good friends! They’ve been a mate of mine since the end of high school!” </p><p>“...Yeah, sure Ed.” Jaxx cocked an eyebrow, “Still. It must be really good if you’ve trusted Gould with a portrait of Emily. Especially since Cor’s pretty much gonna be the second judge of it.”</p><p>“True true.” Ed shrugged, “What about Laurie? What did you guys get for her?”</p><p>“I know you got her the holo-styled dice set, Jaxx,” Ell pointed out, “I’m about to tie this bow on her new Ace pride teddy bear here… Wait, weren’t you stuck on a gift for Laur this year, Ed?”</p><p>He smirked as he grabbed the empty gift bag and began to unload his pockets.</p><p>“Not anymore.”</p><p>
  <em> Clatterclatterclatterclatter… </em>
</p><p>“Ed, wha--where the fuck?” Ell managed, “What <em> are </em>those?”</p><p>“Probably the best gift I’ve ever given her.”</p><p>“Ed, for fucksakes, it doesn’t clear up anything!” Jaxx shook his head, confused, “Where did you even get that stuff?”</p><p>“Courtesy from the Lawson twins. And I’m going to leave it there - you can figure out <em> why. </em>”</p><p>After a moment, Jaxx and Ell slowly nodded, a dark glint in their eyes as the trio shared a grin.</p><p>Yeah, they didn’t need any other answers. </p><p>“Hm.” Ell mused after tying the bow on Laurie’s pride bear, “Should I wrap the rest of these presents or not?”</p><p>“Well, up to you, Ell.” Ed waved it off, “It’s getting late anyway.”</p><p>“Yeah fuck it, I’m not wrapping these.”</p><p>“Ell?”</p><p>“Yeah Jaxx?”</p><p>“They’re pride-related, aren’t they.”</p><p>“How the fuck do you know?!”</p><p>Ed and Jaxx shared a glance.</p><p>“It’s easy to guess.” Ed deadpanned, “Plus, we can see them right there.”</p><p>“Pride-related stuff is easy to get when you’re the biggest gay of the family!”</p><p>“Yet you’re still not allowed near the kitchenware?”</p><p>“Shut the fuck up Jaxx.”</p><p>“Look, none of us can resist a good pan joke!”</p><p>“The more hilarious joke,” Ell butted in, holding up the presents in her hands, “Is that I should’ve gotten a custom deck of cards with <em> five </em>Aces. One for each of us siblings. But instead I got Jaxx this Ace Atom Pride model for being the biggest nerd--”</p><p>“Hah! It’s in the flag colours, fuckin’ brilliant! Thanks Ell!”</p><p>“--And some AroAce slime for Ed to play with. It’s got chunky bits so you can take a good fiddle with it!”</p><p>“Aw, Ell!”</p><p>“Alright,” Ell held her hands up after handing over the gifts, “now my cats are out of the bag, what about you, Ed? You got anything for us?”</p><p>No way was he going to risk blowing his Gould identity with Jaxx’s DnD character portrait <em> on top </em>of the modified hoverboard blueprints for Ell. They could probably guess all too easily from his linework and sketches…</p><p>“Ah… I’ll save those for tomorrow. It’s getting late.”</p><p>“Wait, Ed.”</p><p>“Jaxx?”</p><p>“What’s the time?”</p><p>“Erm… Quarter to midnight on my phone, why?”</p><p>“Look,” Jaxx exhaled, “I know it’s late, I know it might not fly tonight, and I don’t know if we have <em> everything </em> we need, but… Ever since you brought it up on the walk, Ed, I couldn’t stop thinking about it on and off. But… What do you guys say about a jam session? Say, right now? In here? A live EP for Christmas?”</p><p>Ed couldn’t believe his ears.</p><p>“Fuck yeah, Jaxx!” Ell nodded eagerly, “I’m up for it! I actually brought my guitar, but didn’t want to say anything till now!”</p><p>“I’m only in if you are, Cambridge.” Jaxx offered, “What do you say?”</p><p>Ed beamed.</p><p>“Hell yeah.”</p><hr/><p>Under Ed’s suggestion, they agreed to call it ‘Christmas Calamity’. Not only did it roll off the tongue, but it was <em> very </em>appropriate considering all which had happened tonight. Alliteration at its finest.</p><p>A cover photo wasn’t hard to pick out either: Jaxx’s action poster selfie from the exploding Boxmas Bot fitted the bill all too well. It only took a few filters and fonts from some mobile photo-editing app to put it all together, but it did the job. <em> Very </em>well, if Ed said so himself. It wasn’t tacky or too edgy, just… Right.</p><p>When they’d been setting up their familiarly complex and simple mic sets and pedals and kits and so on from whatever they’d brought, it was obvious they wouldn’t perform anything new or original tonight. It’d be too exhausting to learn, so it was much easier for all of them to follow some chord sheets Ell had found online for their set. Thankfully, all three of them picked out only seven songs, all of which they <em> knew </em> from the get-go.</p><p>Jaxx brought back his blue-white checkered bass into action. Ell’s electric guitar was tuned up. Ed fell back into his weird and wonderful keyboard-drumkit hybrid setup like it was only yesterday. All the mics were picking up their voices and the audio interface was working fine. <em> For once. </em></p><p>“Hey Ed?”</p><p>“Yeah Oxford?”</p><p>“You recording?”</p><p>“I’m about to.”</p><p>
  <em> Click. </em>
</p><p>“And we’re live! You can take it from here.”</p><p>“Evening everyone! I’m Jaxx Gold.”</p><p>“I’m Ell Gold the Third.”</p><p>“And I’m Ed Gold the Fifth. We’re Calamity, and we’ve just had a hell of an adventure tonight, haven’t we, guys?”</p><p>“Indubitably, Ed.”</p><p>“A real swell one at that.”</p><p>“Right. So we’ve decided to have a good old jam session with some of our seasonal favourites after so long - just to let a little loose after what just happened, really. It’s a long story: a zombie Santa, saving our extended family, and taking down the Christmastime Killer!”</p><p>“Hang on, Ed?”</p><p>“Yeah Jaxx?”</p><p>“D’you have the time?”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it guys, I’ve got it. Oh fuck, it’s like, ten seconds to midnight!”</p><p><em> Oh, </em> <b> <em>shit.</em> </b></p><p>“Ah, fuck curfew!” Jaxx announced, blasting a chord on his bass, “We haven’t jammed in forever, I’m not fucking backing out now! Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”</p><p>“Hit it Ed!”</p><p>“One-two-three-four!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Whoa. Holy shit. Oh my God. It's over!</p><p>As of writing this now, I've JUST completed writing and editing this chapter at long last, therefore finally putting Christmas Calamity and its THREE YEARS of work to an end! And I'm so, so grateful. Maybe you've been here since the release date, maybe you're reading this in the future now, but seriously? Thank you all for coming on this journey with me. It's been a hell of a ride and I'm so glad to put this project to rest. </p><p>If you want to know what songs Calamity is playing for their EP, here's the list!</p><p>1. Time of Your Life (by DAGames)<br/>2. Carol of the Bells/Sing We Now of Christmas (by BarlowGirl)<br/>3. Sarajevo 12/24 (by Trans-Siberian Orchestra)<br/>4. Come O Ye Faithful/O Holy Night (by Trans-Siberian Orchestra)<br/>5. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (Mix of Midnight Syndicate and Pentatonix versions)<br/>6. Press Start Together (by DAGames)<br/>7. Memey Christmas (by Elliot Gough)</p><p>You can actually find the closest recreation of this EP on Spotify, just look up 'Christmas Calamity' in the search bar and you'll find a playlist from lemjpanda13 (me!). And if you search up 'CC Trio's Christmas Calamity!', you can listen to what I've been using as a backing track into my head on and off for the past few years as I wrote this story, and now brought it to a close as of Christmas Day, 2020.</p><p>Before I sign off and prep for the super special Chapter 10, I want to leave the special thanks here. Some of these people are going to be referred to by their initials out of their privacy, but I promise I haven't forgotten anyone. I hope. </p><p>Special thanks to, in chronological order from 2017 to 2020 (now): Toni, M, R, Joker, Razzbubby, J, K, Cat Ford, Strawberryrosewood and the ask-edd discord server, especially on the final few nights as I stayed up till nearly 2am with them for company and last-minute advice. </p><p>See you all tomorrow or pretty damn soon for the release of Chapter Ten!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. The Letter.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Nikolas Klaus has one final say for the Golds...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>TO:</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>JACKSON GOLD</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>ELIZABETH DUNCAN GOLD III</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>EDWARD ERNEST GOLD V</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>DO NOT OPEN UNLESS IT IS IN YOUR HANDS ON 25TH DECEMBER 2103.</span>
</p><hr/>
<p>
  <span>Dear Jaxx, Ell and Ed, I hope this letter finds you on Christmas morning. I hope you’ll forgive my messy handwriting. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I want to thank you for all you did last night. I’m sure Krampus wasn’t an easy goat to take down, but it bought me valuable time as I paid the old debt to your ancestors. Before they all disappeared, your oldest man Edward I (I’ll call him Edd from now) told me to take care of their house and restore it if they ever were gone for too long. Which, obviously, they have been - there’s more to the saying than this, but let’s address the short-term first. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As my role of the original Santa Claus, I know if anyone has been naughty or nice on my list - which doesn’t always have to be physical. This is to say you are all permanently on my nice list from now on. Why? Because of course at some point of the year, you were all considered naughty. Which, I don’t blame you for entirely. Cynicism, anger, exhaustion and a stupid crave for revenge can get the best of us in the worst of times. Then we all end up doing things we don’t want to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But you three were willing to step forward and take up the task </span>
  <span class="u">
    <span>despite</span>
  </span>
  <span> your bad times. I believe had it not been for Jaxx taking notice of your ancestors’ studio, Ell driving the sleigh and Ed for taking the first steps into your ancestral home for the first time in seventy-two years - I never would’ve known the damn goat had returned, then the holidays around England and maybe the world would’ve been toast. The Christmastime Killer may have never been found in the chaos which Krampus would’ve caused.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So, yes. You certainly won’t have your heads being eaten alive by me. From naughty to nice forever, it’s a welcome change. It’ll stay that way, because… well, put simply, I’m dying.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With Krampus gone, I feel his curse is too. Yes, I’m alive again, but my body is getting weaker and weaker by the minute. For the first and last time, I’m going to properly stay dead. And judging by my deer around me, so will they. As my gift to you this Christmas, you three are more than welcome to my old sleigh and its weaponry - providing it hasn’t gone defunct for some reason or another. By the time you’re reading this, it’s in your backyard, with the whole deer pack gone. Do what you wish with it - though I’m sure your younger cousins would love it. </span>
</p>
<p><span>There is </span><em><span>one </span></em><span>more thing I would leave behind for you, but… It isn’t for </span><span class="u"><span>you</span></span> <span>exactly. Which brings me to the long-term.</span></p>
<p>
  <span>I doubt you three could take on owning your ancestors’ home of 27 Dirdum Lane while simultaneously living in two different university campuses at once. Yes, I brought it back to its former early-21st-century glory whilst you were gone saving Christmas. Don’t ask </span>
  <span class="u">
    <span>how.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>More importantly, I found Edd’s will. There’s a copy of it in the envelope if you want to look for yourself, alongside some old GPSes under the tree which have paths to Dirdum Lane. The important bit is that the eldest Gold family member of each generation is slated to come into ownership of the house. Bonus points if said descendant also has Richwells, Hartgrace and Lawson blood. You three are the eldest of your combination generation, but you’re all standardly busy. There would be nobody to take on the home. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But I know of Cora and Laurie. Well, I know Cora’s old enough to take the hereditary offer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I know about what your father pulled you all into (and how you got out). I heard all your worries about it for both sisters. Hell, even both your parents were concerned about it and the home. But they relented, and agreed to my small plan regarding it. Now you’ll need to follow up too, and I’ll tell you why.</span>
</p>
<p><span>See, I didn’t find </span><em><span class="u"><span>just</span></span></em> <span>relics and nostalgia from the past in the house. I found something more. What it is… Well, that’s up to your sister to figure out. I did mention Edd was </span><span class="u"><span>gone</span></span> <span>for too long. Which also goes for his friends, the other three ancestors. And you did say your sister was more  of a mystery-solving type, right? She’ll have some fun: owning a family home, being independent and digging into something which shouldn’t have stayed buried for as long as it has. (Believe me, I know what it’s like.)</span></p>
<p>
  <span>Now, this is where the last of my plans comes into play: you have to agree with what your parents are saying. Even your dad. I know you don’t want to, but listen. Your father will tell Cora that you three renovated the old home while you had some spare time. And when she asks you about this, confirm it and mention strange things happening while you were there. Weird frequencies in the basement, old relics, seeing things that you’re sure didn’t appear before. Your mum will add more stuff, so play off her as well - it should be easier. But afterwards, both of them will shrug it off and say it’s nothing. Your father will say you three are just kidding, but Cora will be ready for the search. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hell, why not even pull Laurie into it to get her away from her parents, and maybe one more? Say, a best friend Cora has? The more brains living together and discovering old secrets, the better. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Remember the GPSes? I recommend using them when you can before Cora’s slated to move in. I’m sure you’d all like a quick tour of the house to see what your ancestors lived in, but also to </span>
  <span class="u">
    <em>
      <span>really</span>
    </em>
  </span>
  <span> sell the idea of you three being behind the renovation. Leave some notes. Be cryptic about things, especially from the basement. Make some dumb puns. That sort of stuff.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I know this isn’t the kind of Christmas morning you three expected to wake up to. But after all you’ve done last night, the best thing I can do is to keep you three out of what’s ahead</span>
  <em>
    <span>. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I suppose you’ve had your fun, but now it’s time for a new story to play out. I’m sure your studies are enough work as is without living in your ancestors’ place.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wishing you, your family and other relatives a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah and Happy Holidays in general, with best of luck to the New Year in every endeavor, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Your old friend, </span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>Nikolas Klaus/Zanta Claws. </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>W’zdv ilyh qljkwv sdvw Fkulvwpdv, dqg doo wkurxjk d krxvh <br/>Qrw d fuhdwxuh zdv vwluulqj, qrw hyhq d prxvh.<br/>Vhyhq ghfdghv kdylqj sdvvhg zlwk dqrwkhu bhduv wkuhh,<br/>Pdnhv orqj wlph iru rog iulhqgv, zkr uhpdlq lq ghhs vohhs.<br/>Wkhlu wdohv duh ohjhqgv, wkhlu sdvw: idplob klvwrub.<br/>Exw wkhlu suhvhqw ri qrz lv vwloo d vzhhw pbvwhub.<br/>Wklv krxvh rq Glugxp Odqh, 27 lwv qxpehu,<br/>Doo vhhphg vr sodlq… Dsduw iurp vwluuhg voxpehu.<br/>Iru vhh wkh krxvh kdg qr fuhdwxuh, qrwklqj wr eh vwluuhg;<br/>Exw ghhs lq wkh edvhphqwv, vrphwklqj lv glvwxuehg.<br/>Wkh forfn nhsw wlfnlqj, dqg dw vwurnh ri plgqljkw;<br/>Wklqjv iolfnhuhg dqg zkluuhg, zruwkb ri d iuljkw. <br/>Wklv Fkulvwpdv, Cdqwd kdwk sdlg klv ghewv,<br/>Bhw zkdw kh glvfryhuhg sxoov vhfuhwv xqghu wkuhdw.<br/>D wudgh, d mrxuqhb, d sodq frqfhlyhg,<br/>Wr eh xqudyhoohg dqg uhyhdohg, zlwk olhv wr xqeholhyh.<br/>Zkdw rqfh zdv orvw lv vrrq wr eh irxqg:<br/>D idplob wr uhxqlwh - xqvdih, bhw vrxqg.<br/>Iru wkuhh wr wdnh ixoo rssruwxqlwb,<br/>Lw vkdq’w eh wkuhh wkdw mxvw irxqg xqlwb.<br/>Li hoghuv uhdfkhg ylvlrqv, wkh brxqjhu zloo wrxfk guhdpv,<br/>Vr wzr vlvwhuv dqg d iulhqg zloo uhfuhdwh wkh rog whdp.<br/>Dv wkh qhz bhdu uroov lq, zlwk doo wkdw'v ehhq suhylhzhg:<br/>Vr wkh wdoh zloo vwulyh rq: <br/>WR EH FRQWLQXHG...</p>
<p>Wsr eql dism epx jzkhe bayk pirpm uzpl oipl,<br/>Kley aageis qwkry:<br/>Xhp Mteci’s Nzhqj.</p>
<p>Hint: <br/>Iru brxu yljhqhuh nhb wr iob Skrhqla-iuhh,<br/>vhdufk brxu rog Uhg Vdyhv, wkhq brx vkdoo vhh. </p>
<p>Fr tsm lcminep gcox mzvmf, klecm pgcp bp i gcn vewmtqv,<br/>wo T aaycp spm rml elw qg Hrrulzr.</p>
<p>Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everybody. Here's to the new year.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So! It's been a while since Red Saves hasn't it? And yes believe me, they are connected. No I'm not gonna explain because I know I would have spoilers.</p><p>I've also created a cover for this fic with the help of my good friend RazzBubby from twitter! Check it out here! https://www.deviantart.com/sweetpanda13/art/The-Christmas-Calamity-862499460</p></blockquote></div></div>
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